Should I let my Mother in Law spend Christmas morning with us and our kids?

Question

My mother in law wants to come over early Christmas morning and be here for when the kids wake up to open presents with them. In past years she has spent it with her other grandkids, but this year she says is our year, and doesn't want to go to the other grandkids house in the morning. We would rather have a quiet Christmas morning since we do a big dinner later on in the day. This will be our first Christmas with 2 kids (2 yrs and 4 months old), but she seems so set in her ways that she wants to be here. She also is recently separated from her husband so she will be alone on Christmas morning. I have no problem with her coming over but not until later on in the day along with everyone else, after the kids have had their naps. Am I being selfish that I want to spend a quiet Christmas morning with my husband and kids?

Answer 1

^I'm with you and I am appalled by all the thumbs down ratings the honest and sane people who have answered you are getting. I had in-laws like yours. I never had a holiday alone with my wife and kids. Her parents came by the 23rd and stayed for a week, in spite of my suggestion to their darling daughter that once - just once - we ought to pretend we were a family and spend a holiday alone together. I never got to spend Christmas alone with my kids until I moved out. She, on the other hand, continues to spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, birthdays, New Year's, Labor Day, Memorial Day, the 4th of July and the second Tuesday of each week with good old mommy and daddy. The kids don't suffer through it quite so much any more as they are both off in college. Stop it before it starts. You are not her keeper. It's on her if she doesn't understand that they are your kids and it is not only a special day, but the first Christmas for your youngest and probably the first one that the 2 year old will be aware of enough to appreciate, enjoy and remember. Don't let the old bag ruin it for you. The animosity will last a lifetime. Let her come after all the ripping and tearing is done, and let the kids break the new toys in peace. My parents were pretty cool about it. They refused to come to my place or my siblings on Christmas unless we begged them to. They said it was a family day. We all got together over New Year's for a second, extended family Christmas. Suggest that. If she can't live with it, that's on her.

Answer 2

I don't believe you are being selfish. I think It's a great idea for her to come over. Think about the gift you will give her when she gets to see their faces Christmas morning - It will be priceless. You have the opportunity to make someones day - take it!

On the other hand being that she doesn't have family to rush home to I can see her wanting to spend the whole day with you. Do you really want to spend that much time with her?

Everyday life is filled with battles. Choose wisely as you may damage a relationship.

I believe that you should do what ever you feel would make your family most happy. Do you really want to take the chance in hurting her feelings and then you and your kids not see her for a while? I can't predict how she will take it if you tell her no. But if she is pretty set in her ways then I can only imagine that her feelings will get hurt.

Honey, you and your husband have to make this decision. Please don't let my or anyone elses answer dictate which way you go. Really sit down and way out the pros and cons of saying yes or no. Best of luck, in the end I believe you will make the best choice.

Answer 3

Yes you are certainly being selfish. She's your husband's mother and your children's grandmother. How would you feel if the same thing happened to you when your kids grow up? Also, what about the kids? Sure, at 4 months your child probably won't know the difference, but your 2 year old might. You are being selfish and mean. Think about the fact that your husband is her family too and she was just divorced. And how would you feel if it were your mother? " Should I LET my Mother in Law Spend Christmas morning with us and our kids?" why on earth would you think the word LET should ever be involved. I am seriously astonished at how cruel people can be to family especially during the holidays. You should be ashamed. You will get your karma if you pull something so unimaginably selfish.

Answer 4

~Nah, you're not being selfish. This will be her first Christmas alone after all those years of spending Christmas mornings with her husband. Oh sure, she might have some difficulty at her age adjusting to the sudden change in life style. You know, like the emotional roller coaster of a recent separation, loneliness, holiday blues, and all that other silly stuff. But hey, that's her problem, not your's or your spouse's.

Perhaps you could pawn her off on some other relatives who might understand what she is going through and want to help her celebrate the true spirit of Christmas.

Answer 5

I don't know how well you two get along. A little sacrifice in letting her come early might go a long way. If you object it could cause problems where there aren't any (at least aren't any in the open). Sometimes when confronted with uncomfortable situations I try to put myself in the other person's shoes. I would find it tough to be facing early Christmas morning alone after a separation earlier in the year, especially if my kids had grown up and had families and concerns of their own. Mother in laws can be irritating or downright terrible -- but biting your tongue and letting her show up and spreading a little charity at Christmastime never hurt anyone. So the short answer is yes -- let her come over early and be self-less. And I say that giving you all due consideration, having had some experience with a man with a very difficult and troublesome mother. -- I know how trying it can be.

Answer 6

my understanding is that Christmas is a time for goodwill & giving & if you cant do that within your own family network then you need to look at your own values.
If as you say your M-I-L has gone to the other siblings houses in past years then it is YOUR TURN to have her this year- depending on how many siblings there are she should not expect it again for a few years.
It will also be good for your older child to have a grandparent share in their excitement on the morning
also as someone who has spent many Christmas morning alone - I can gaurantee that you will be giving her the best gift possible by having her there.
Last Christmas I didn't see any of my family till Boxing Day when I had both my sons ; their father ( my ex) & one sons family come over to my place for Brunch. 3 of my 4 children all live beteen 400 & 2500 k's away from me & we will be having our first family Christmas in about 7 years this year.
I am very much looking forward to being with my young grandsons ( 3.5yrs & 23months ) on Christmas morning.
Instead of thinking that your mother-in-law will be in the way think about how she may be able to help you both with the children & to prepare for your " big dinner"
you could even go one step further & really make her Christmas by asking her to come over the night before & spend the night. SHOW your generosity of spirit & I am sure your husband will appreciate your gesture as well.
having her there could give you & him the opportunity to maybe go out on your own for the evening.
However regardless of anyone elses opinions - the decision is that of you & your husband

Answer 7

Yes, you are being selfish. Since this is the first time she wanted to be with her grandchildren, try to accommodate her. She is all alone now and all she has to look forward to is the rest of her family. Maybe after this year ,your family could make a schedule where she alternates each year between the family. Grandparents are very important to children and it would be a shame should they never know that enjoyment. You have the rest of the year and many more holiday to be alone with your family and children. Be able to share, you never know when you may have to rely on this grandparent. Also, you may be a grandparent one day and have to go through the same type of rejection. Because that is what you are doing when you don't take in consideration her feelings and allow her to be a part of your family.

Answer 8

Be happy that your mother-in-law wants to share her time with your lovely children. You will have plenty more Christmases to come. She probably doesn't want to be alone, and if she trades her Christmases off between grandkids atleast she is being fair. What if she never came to see your kids and always went to the other grandkids? (This is how my mother in law is. She will drive across the United States for my nephew, but will not walk down the street to see my kids. Seriously.) Please share the holiday with a lonely woman who will no longer be around one day to share holidays with. And... she gave you your husband, what a great gift , huh?

Answer 9

You should consider yourself lucky that your mother-in-law loves her grand kids enough to want to be there on Christmas morning. I had a MIL that could care less about her grand kids. I would welcome her with my heart wide open. Isn't that what Xmas is all about? Then consider what she herself has just been through. Shame on you. And what pray tell does your husband have to say about this or are you the boss?

Answer 10

Everyone had great answere, but I like Meli's the most..Just don't forget to get your MILs pictures also, with you, your husband, and with her grandchildren......Have a heart! Later on, have her a framed copy of her son and family!
And no, you are not being selfish, just normal for a young couple.
But let me just say, that while my MIL drove me crazy at times(husband only child) I sure do miss her during the holidays especially.......She so loved Christmas!
Ask your MIL to help in the kitchen She will love it! But also wait on her sometimes too...Merry Christmas!