I am trying to like boyfriends son but it is not easy, I am REALLY trying?

Question

It seems the nicer I am to the son, age 12 the ruder he is to me. He also has horrible manners. He farts as he walks by you, burps deliberately and does not excuse himself, goes to the bathroom with the door open, and it makes me sick to watch him eat, I dont even want to get into that. lets just say I have seem animals with better manners. He has behavioral and learning problems. His mom is at the end of her rope, and has pretty much given up and lets him do what he wants.I simply cannot move him in here, even if it means my boyfriend will move out. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind, about a week ago I drew a caricature type picture of him with his favorite rude saying underneath, and then tore it up a few minutes later. Childish, yes I know, but I had to vent somehow, and that is better than blowing up at the kid, which I have done a few times in the past 2 yrs, for either lying or because I was sick of his backtalk. I still dread his visits even though things have improved

am sorry to have to say this but, he is just plain not likeable. The kids at school dont like him. His cousins dont like him. He has sworn at teachers, and gets into physical fights with other kids several times a year.He has also hit his mother more than once. When he was 11, he threw a toddler style temper tantrum complete with biting hitting screaming and kicking.It is NOT just me, NO ONE gets along with for long.He needs help from a therapist but his mother wont take him and my BF lives with 1 hour away with me He is selfish, gluttonous, lazy and dosent shower unless told to at least 5 times, then sometimes just rinses off, no soap or anything.Does he have good qualities? Once in a while when he feels like it, he will behave and be very helpful, but he can change at any time,be helpful and then suddenly get a horrible attitude Sometimes I do feel like a horrible person because I will not let him move in. (I own the house) My boyfriend says I am too selfish to have kids. I am 28.

Answer 1

Id tell your bf he needds to be more involved and back you up if your ever going to be together...he cant let his son walk all over you...if thats the rules at your house then thats the rules at your house...just because his mother lets him walk all ove rher doesnt mean you should! stand up for youself and stand up to your bf! tell him your not going to be putting up with any bahavior like that from anyone! including some little kid! and if he wouldnt talk to his son then id considered looking for another boyfriend..because its just going to get worse ast he boy gets older...goodluck to you sweetie!

Answer 2

Tough question, really difficult. This is a kid who obviously needs someone, maybe you, to set aside who the boy is and focus on the man he can be. First, this little boy is probably trying in a 12 year old way of keeping his family from eroding any further, that is sad and you should try as the adult to understand how heart wrenching this probably is for him. Little boys don't tend to show emotions, hurt in this case, in the same way little girls do. Second, Little boys have issues with manners, it's just a man thing. Most of them grow out of it, most of them. Aside from that, he is acting out and may feel empowered by pulling the crap he is pulling. Third, as he is your boyfriend's son as opposed to your husband's son the relationship and the obligation is different. If you decide to call it quits with your boyfriend don't use the little boy as an excuse. Leave because your not ready for an instant family not because you don't like a little boy. If you do, your going to hurt a child by scewing up his relationship with his dad, that would be selfish and wrong. If you don't have the stomach for this get out now and let his dad worry about the other stuff. Whatever you do, don't add to a little boy's hurt.

Answer 3

This kid does need help. The question is, do you want to have to be the one to provide that help?
Kids behave like this when they are unhappy and haven't been taught how to communicate their emotions properly. Really the only question is: Do you choose to be unselfish enough to help him get back on track and become a likeable, useful human?
I'm not judging you in the least. Correcting someone else's poor parenting is bloody hard work with few rewards. It's totally understandable to decide that you would rather put all of that effort into your own life.
Also, your boyfriend helped to create this child, and also chose the mother that did the rest of the poor work. Think about that. Do you think your boyfriend can be proud of this child? If he isn't proud of his son, he only has his own poor parenting to blame. Do you want him to have the opportunity to create more children like this one - with YOU?

Answer 4

He wants attention. He's ticked about something and wants everyone to know it. Maybe because his parents aren't together anymore? How does the dad fit into this? Does he allow the behavior to continue in front of you? You really can't do much being the girlfriend. It seems to me that dad needs to step up to the plate, and find out what's going on with his son. Try to find something that the three of you enjoy doing together. It's sad that you wrote, "His mom has pretty much given up and lets him do what he wants". Keep in mind that this is a boy who is having problems. Kids can't always tell you how they feel. Maybe a counselor could help all of you. Good luck.

Answer 5

It's not the easiest thing to just love someone else's child... especially one with issues such as you describe.

If you do want to further your relationship with his father you have two options:

wait until the boy turns 18 to have the dad move in OR
have the dad move in and you guys should attend counseling (before and after the move) to work out any issues. Suggest to his father the boy gets help from a therapist. If the mom can't or won't take him- the dad should step up.

Answer 6

First of all 12 yr olds have horrorable manners so he might grow out of it. As for him going to the bathroom with the door open tell him stop and if he refuses to do so then take a photo of him. Does he go to any special ed type of stuff? Maybe he has to much time on his hands. Enroll him in something after school. If you really can't stand him then maybe you should rethink your relationship with his father. Do you want to have to deal with this person for the rest of your life?

Answer 7

tell your boyfriend that his son is a little ***** and he better whip him into shape or you are leaving. tell him you have no problems with him having a kid just that his son is a little $hit

Answer 8

the child is longing to be disciplined. he needs to be. you and the childs father need to dicipline him.