I'm getting married on a Saturday in January in San Francisco, and my two brothers (one older, one younger) who live on the East Coast are saying they're "too busy at work" to fly out -- even just for the day. Both have started new jobs in the last few months, but these are white collar salaried jobs that don't require you to work on weekends, so I'm not buying the work excuse. I've always had good relations with them. I'm wondering if they don't want to see my mom, who can be a bit of a nag. Or if they are just afraid of weddings (one had a bad divorce, the other likes to play the tough single guy and say he'll never get married). Of if there's something else going on. I keep asking what the issue is, and they keep sticking to their story about having too much work to do.
It hurts not to have a brother come to a wedding. Has anyone been through anything similar? Got any advice for me? I'm at the end of my wits.
2006-11-25 14:58:01 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Tell them that this is your special day and would love them to come!! if they don't they have hurt your feelings and may go into depression!! (it worked for my dad) lol
2006-11-25 15:01:17 · answer #1 · answered by megerpoo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, when an individual starts a NEW White Collar Job, they have the problem that all new employees have -- that they have NO Sick Leave, Vacation Time, or any other benefits built up, so trying to come up with the time off (or even to afford the plane tickets in the first place) will be a BIG, BIG Problem!
I'd put the issue of the mom on the side for now. With one having already experienced a BAD Divorce (and yes, he could be traumatized by having dredged up the bad memories of his own marriage wnile standing there watching you get married is a REAL problem, and the flashbacks could be signs that he has developed PTSD from the divorce too).
It may hurt you, but think of it from these perspectives -- and yes, travelling across country for the weekend (3 hour Time Difference ... A day to fly across the country, another day to fly back to their homes ... and San Francisco -- that is SO EXPENSIVE anyway -- and with NEW jobs, no vacation time built up, and then having to even think of plane tickets, much less hotel fees (outrageous in SanFran), Food (also expensive), and then the Gift and other incidentals -- well, I can totally sympathize with them at this time.
2006-11-25 15:18:10 · answer #2 · answered by sglmom 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell your bothers that part of the joy of getting married is to do so among family & friends & that you would like them to attend.
Maybe they can't afford to fly out to where you are & are embarrassed to say so. Maybe they will show up & surprise you Maybe they don't want to be around your mother. Whatever the reason, ask them to be honest with you.
You will be disappointed that you brothers aren't at the wedding. But whether they show or not, in the end, you will be married to the man you love above all others. And that is the most important thing.
2006-11-25 15:14:57 · answer #3 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, sorry that your bothers cannot come. The probably have a lot of reason for not coming. The ones you listed. And maybe they do not fly. Does not matter what the reasons are.
I would remember that this is your wedding day. Enjoy it. And afterwards, send a video and photos to both brothers so they can enjoy, from far away, the wedding too.
2006-11-25 15:08:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to them and tell them just how you feel, they are the only brothers you have and that it really hurts you to think they do not care enough about you not to come to the wedding, ask them WHY is it mom or something else you deserve a straight answer and the work reply is not going to work.
2006-11-25 16:07:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truly, don't give it another thought. You have a good relationship with your brothers - keep it. Don't allow this to hinder it.
It sounds like your mom is a bit like mine and my husband's. No one wanted to be around either of them. Both my husband and I left our hometown just to get away from them.
Accept that they won't be there and that your mother's behavior is to blame - not you. Enjoy the wedding and go visit your brothers when you get the chance.
If...IF your mother says anything negative about your brothers not attending, tell her you don't want to hear it. They're your brothers and you won't hear of negative talk about them.
Truly, I'm sure it has a lot to do with her. Been there. ;-)
Have a great wedding and a wonderful marriage.
2006-11-25 15:05:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remind them that the wedding is about YOU and no one else and that it would mean a lot to you to have them there.
If all else fails, offer to pay for half of their round-trip tix...not that domestic air travel is that expensive anymore these days...
2006-11-25 15:07:06 · answer #7 · answered by WonderingWanderer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's too bad; I just would hope they would reconsider. If they don't, enjoy your day anyway with those who made the effort to go to your wedding and celebrate with you.
2006-11-25 23:51:14 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding? That's ridiculous. Don't pressure them, just mention that you are hurt that they can't make it. Next time they need you to attend something, maybe you won't be available.
2006-11-25 15:48:35 · answer #9 · answered by suz_e_q_zee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go on with the wonderful day and do not fret over those jerks. Please do not let them bring you down for your wonderful day. It is there loss not yours. you will be around loved ones and they with be lonely
2006-11-26 05:54:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋