Is shyness really just selfishness?

Question

A child that is too shy to ask for help at school, or too shy to go and say hello to the new kid. Is that child really just being selfish? Wanting people to come to them insteand of putting themselves out there?

My child, who I believe is shy, has been acussed of being selfish. She didn't ask for help. After a while she just gave up and walked away. She was hurt at feeling left out. She could have said that she needed help, but she left hurt and sad. I dont believe she is selfish, but she has been accused of it. Personaly I have never heard of accusing a shy child of being selfish.

Answer 1

I was a shy child growing up.
More so i didnt want to put a foot out of place because i would have gotten a backhand from my parents.

So being shy i dont believe is being selfish.
But play that your shy when really your not thats something different.
Being Coy , playing mental games with other kids..
Sure that isnt nice at all.
But just being shy.. no..

Im not that shy now days.. i pretty much stand up and be counted.
Although strange place with alot of strangers around me i will keep my head down as not to offend cause problems until i feel safe and secure to stand my ground.

Answer 2

NO.
That's the most ****** up thing I have ever heard.
When I was a child, I was VERY shy.
Some teachers thought I had problems, but I was fine.
But when I needed help, I'd just ask my friends, which I still do, because the teacher has better things to do. Besides, I don't want to feel stupid.
And every time we got a new kid, I'd end up being best friends with them.
It's not a matter of selfishness AT ALL, and I actually am very offended that some might say that, seeing as I grew up constantly listening to adults talking about how quiet and shy I was.
I just didn't have much to say.
And ya know what?
Being the loud mouthed kid who always wants to be heard I am today, I still am quiet and shy.

Answer 3

I have been shy all my life and was painfully so in the Academy(High School). I would walk around very close to the walls with my head down and my long hair hiding my face, but it wasn't because of selfishness. My home life was not good. My parents didn't beat me or my brothers, but it was out of a lack of self-esteem and fear. I'm still a bit shy, but not as much anymore. After taking Zoloft for several years it has helped me come out of myself and stopped being so introverted.

Fear is the biggest reason why some people are shy. The fear could be of anything. I've had a very traumatic life and a lot of the fear has been because of that. Thank goodness I have faced a lot of those fears and they are no longer an issue.

That's too bad about your little girl. Remember though maybe there is a fear inside of her that keeps her from doing what she needs to do in order to seek help from her teacher or to communicate with her classmates. Talk to her and listen to her. There might be something there that you've missed. I don't know. Only you can find that out.

God Bless.

Answer 4

When you speak of shyness in children it is possible to interpret fright as shyness. Sometimes in adults shyness can be interpreted as being self centered because a self centered person will think that everyone is looking at them, listening to them, etc. When actually people are not paying anymore attention to that person than anyone else. However when you are dealing with a child I don't think that child is being selfish. Have patience with children. They need to be taught how to relate to other people and how to ask for help.

Answer 5

I think shyness is something that can be learned, taught and/or coddled. There are 11 kids in my family, and NONE of us were allowed to be shy. Did my parents make us into something we were never intended to be? No. Our ability to talk to anyone, look people in the eye and communicate, ask for help, go anywhere in the world and walk into any room and be confident are all skills we learned and have made all 11 of us successful and healthy people. Some of us were naturally more shy and reserved, and there were times for that. But with certain situations sometimes you just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Some people just get nervous around others. They can't help it, and of course they really do want that other person to come up to them. But it's not selfishness because they are too afraid to do it. Now if they were thinking that they were awesome so that person should come to them, it might be considered somewhat selfish.

But really, no one who is shy really wants to be shy.

Answer 8

No, shyness is not selfishness, unless the child looks upon others in a conceited sort of way. Shyness may be from emotional damage, troubles in the household, cultural influences (Asian cultures), respect, just afraid to speak up, and the child may just, not want to look stupid in front of other students, believe it or not.

Answer 9

It depends. Many children are genuinely shy, but sometimes a child will use it as a psychological weapon (as they might use an eating disorder) to mask over their own problems and their distrust of people in general. I know someone like that, and she did come to trust me after a while. I suspect she has been abused or extremely neglected by someone in the past. It appeared to be selfish behavior, but in her case I think it was just a survival mechanism. She seems to be growing out of it now.

Answer 10

A shy child is a fearful child. She is fearful of rejection. She is probably very sensitive. This actually makes her more understanding and caring of others, not less. She needs to be treated with kindness and hugs and lots of love, by you first and foremost. A child who know that she is valued and loved will become a teen who can say no to peer pressure and also an adult who can stand up for what is right and just.

I was very shy as a child. I think because my mother was always yelling at me and putting me down. Please do not do that to your child. Some children can cope with that from a parent, but not a sensitive child. She needs to know that she is wonderful, valuable and loved. If raised with love and acceptance she will become a very loving human being. Trust me.