She's only 14 and she told her mum (who does'nt smoke) that she smokes fags . i'm the only one who smokes in her vinicity as her mum and dad (my bloke) dont smoke. I now feel realy guilty as i smoke freely infront of her and did'nt care about until now, She said that she smokes b4 school and after school and she does'nt buy them, she just gets offered them... do i lay down the basics of smoking nicely or go at her with full guns blazing and shout at her for being soo stupid.tell me please???
2006-11-25 13:48:47 · 36 answers · asked by katrina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
this is a hard one because you smoke, and i can totally see her rubbing this in your face. you have to explain to her that smoking is very addictive and expensive. maybe tell her that you want to quit but after so long its very very hard. i have heard that smoking is harder to give up then serious drugs even. also i heard that the number of ppl/ women who die from serious lung cancers such as COPD are high up there along with breath cancer. dont yell at her; trust me, she will want to do it even more. being her step mother, and not her mother is def a block. at that age they think they know everything. i sure did.
she probably cares about her apperence. tell her she will begin to have yellowed teeth and stinky breath. how on earth will she ever attract a guy like that? haha work with her, shes 14. good luck!
2006-11-25 13:58:15 · answer #1 · answered by christmas 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't exactly take the moral high-ground on this one and expect to retain credibility.
Would you be prepared to give up smoking if she did? It'll be harder for you after all these years but will show her how important it is?
If you don't think you can do this, you've got a few options:
- leave her to find her own way; many schoolkid smokers give up once they have to find the cash to buy their own fags
- have a realistic chat about smoking in terms that she'll understand (some boys don't want to kiss an ashtray, for every two packets of fags, she could have bought a new top instead, won't be as good as her favourite sport (even if that's dancing in a club) if she's gasping for breath after 5 minutes exercise, etc).
- offer her an incentive for giving up smoking (expensive piece of electronics, holiday with her friends, something she REALLY wants). If you go down the incentive route, you need to be able to be sure if she really had given up.
- explain that if you could turn back time and NOT have started, you'd give anything to be able to. Explain to her what the impact has been on you (total cost over XX years, loss of taste, hacking unattractive cough every morning, anything you can think of
At the end of the day, she has to CHOOSE to give up. If you try to force her, she'll stop being open with you/her mum and that's never a good road to go down. As a step parent myself, I know it's sometimes hard to do the 'parent' thing, but it makes it easier to do the 'mate' thing, which sometimes gives it a lot more weight.
Best of luck
2006-11-25 22:27:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how close you are with your step daughter or if you ever thought about quitting yourself. I don't think you should TELL her not to stop, that will only make it more "fun" and "cool". If you have been thinking about giving up smoking, maybe you could use this to your advantage also. If you are pretty close with her, talk to her about how hard it is to quit and ask her if she would be willing to quit with you.
She's only 14 but she probably thinks she's an adult who everyone keeps treating as a child. If you confide in her that this is a problem you have and that you need her help to stop the habit, you might not only get her to stop smoking before she gets too addicted,. You could also gain more trust and respect from her and maybe also the strenght to quit.
:::I know it's not easy, I'm a smoker myself and haven't found the willpower to quit myself. I'm not even sure I could do this but it sounds so easy when giving advice to others.
2006-11-25 14:30:52 · answer #3 · answered by IC 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly it is not your fault that she smokes. Many kids do this, you have the power and ability to make sure that she doesn;t carry on and become addicted as i assume you are now.
why don't you both give up together, depending on how well you get on this could work. You should have a reward system, sounds childish but say something like, "if we both don't somke for a week we'll go on a shopping spree and each get a new outfit" and then "if we both don't smoke for a month we'll go to edinburgh or london or a nice treat thing"
finally when you both quit for good you should really do something great like a girly holiday weekend, doesn't have to be massive but make sure its something that will get her excited so that she has motivation to quit.
Best of luck
2006-11-25 21:35:27 · answer #4 · answered by pink_angel_pie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth and all about the bad side effects, I'm sure you've come across a few,I have.Tell her how boys can taste and smell nicotine when they kiss her,all about the financial cost and the fact Scotland is going to change the legal age to smoke to 18 because of the amount of young people dieing from cancer.Then very nicely keep on telling her.
2006-11-25 14:19:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you smoke yourself and are going to try to get her to stop you will be fighthing a loosing battle (pot, kettle, black scenario type thing :( ).
The best way to get her to stop is for you to stop and tell her why, get some pics of the internet that show the damage that smoking causes.
You could even do the quitting smoking thing together, you can both be supportive of each other and keep each other on the right track.
Good luck :)
2006-11-25 15:25:00 · answer #6 · answered by debs1701 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is smoking because she thinks its cool. Why did you start? What would have stopped you back then? No amount of nagging will help, I'm afraid. All you can do is sit her down, explain the basics and then stop smoking in front of her as that is rubbing her nose in it otherwise. Adults always say "Do as I say, not as I do!" and even as a grown-up that annoys the hell out of me. I no longer smoke but 2 of my sons, age 19 & 21 do. They know how I feel but I can't stop them now.
2006-11-25 14:04:39 · answer #7 · answered by Pixxxie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do don't yell or scream at her. it won't help the situation out at all... maybe look up some websites about smoking and what it does to your health if you smoke... show her the information you find and If she sees that she's messing up her health and every single hit is killing a minute or more time of her life... that she could be spending with the ones she loves...
2006-11-25 14:07:23 · answer #8 · answered by Mexican Princess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't.
That would her parents’ job.
You can, though, sit down with her and share with her your regrets in getting into the smoking habit. Let her know you do care about her and hate to see her get herself in the same position as you are. Perhaps the two of you could make a pack to help each other quit.
2006-11-25 13:56:29 · answer #9 · answered by Calina 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really hard my daughter started smoking at 15 behind our back we would not allow her to smoke in front of us nor would we buy her smokes.. She got pregnant last june the day she found out she laid them down so keep it where it is hard for her to get them maybe she want smoke so much that she can lay them down so dont yell at her because it won't do any good
2006-11-25 13:53:21 · answer #10 · answered by twister 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋