Need guy advice, even though I'm old and should know this...?

Question

So, I'm seeing this guy. When we're together, it's great. But, he's older, never been married and set in his ways. We'll make plans, or so it seems, and occassionally he just goes MIA. Always some excuse, swears he likes me a lot, was a misunderstanding, but then it happens again. I've asked him to just let me go if he's stringing me along and he swears he's not. Hence, not letting me go. I'm so confused, I don't know what to think or do. Are there guys out there who have done this to girls- what was the underlying motivation?

Answer 1

I don't think he has much class. Look even if he is not into you, he has poor manners at the very least and some pretty lame excuses to go along with the dumb attitude.
There are plenty of fish in the sea and this one seems to be pre-occupied with his own space so make sure he has plenty of it.
My position for what its worth is that you should feel important and love yourself and expect at the very least someone that treats you with respect. If they cannot even manage that than they don't belong in your life.

Answer 2

I'm stumped! That sounds really irritating. Does he drink a lot cause that would explain him forgetting to call. Keep being up front with him and telling him you don't have time to play games. I would say something in a nice way. Try saying something like;
I really like spending time with you, but it really drives me crazy when you go MIA when we've had plans and it just seems a little odd to me. If we ever have plans and you have to back out, please don't be afraid to tell me, I won't mind. I'd rather you call and tell me then leave me hanging.

Hopefully he'll get the point!

Answer 3

Theres a quote by Maya Angelou that says," when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Sweetie you got to believe what he has shown you. He has shown no responsiblity, no sensitivity, miscommunication, etc. Now he has shown u this ask yourself what are you willing to accept. Also iI encaourage that you take the power out of his hand. You are telling him to let you go if he is tringin gyou along, Sweetie, you let yourself go, if you feel u are being strung along. What do u deserve wholeness or scraps. Men will pursue what they REALLY want and be consistent and adament about such, He is not presenting ay such thing. Pray and ask God to send you someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be an dhe will do it, I promise. YOu are royalty in Gods eyes and deserve to be treated like nothing less.

Answer 4

Been there and done that...Check out the book " He's not that into you" by Greg ?? can't remember his last name but anyway don't hold on to this guy. I did that with a guy and wasted a lot of my time and regreted it. Guys like this won't let you go and do the right thing they will keep taking until YOU put a stop to it. You deserve better, we all do!

Answer 5

Most guys will do what they can get away with. A lot of our behaviors are similar to those of untrained housepets. You need to set the boundaries and say what is and isn't going to fly. This doesn't mean trying to control every aspect of his life-- it means telling him that what he's doing isn't going to keep happening if he wants the relationship to continue. It's the easiest thing in life to say you love someone, to say you want this and that kind of life with another person. It's something entirely else to love someone, to realize how your actions effect the person who is depending on you to respect what should be a symbiotic relationship. You set the tone. If he's deaf to it, set gig elsewhere. Happy hunting.

Answer 6

as a single guy i can see what your partner is doing. i have a habit of when i find myself getting to attached to a female i tend to shy away for a few days just to maintian my independance. it is a selfish a act i do agreee but it helps me to maintain my space . i really love being involved with a female but i still want to maintain my small little space. i have lost out on many a great relationships because i wont give up my double standards that is having someone to call your own but still wanting to live a single care free life . tell your man you need a little bit more than what he is offering and the constant running will not do.

Answer 7

Oh, Jenibek...the kind of guy you describe..well, men like that are a dime a dozen. Thing is, I don't think they have a CONSCIOUS underlying motive. It's more a state of being with them. Fear of commitment, lack of respect, self-centeredness, and the distinct probability that they've gotten away with this type of behavior are all factors here.

The most valuable lesson in this situation is that you don't have to put up with that type of treatment. The next most valuable is that it will never get better. Why? You hit the nail on the head yourself. Set in his ways, huh? The pattern for this relationship has already been set. by him, with no regard for how his behavior makes you feel. You've accepted all of his excuses and false reassurances...you're still seeing him, aren't you? Then you have settled for his inexcusable behavior.

I know no one likes to hear this about themself but consider the possibility that you could be suffering from low self esteem. Why else would you put up with such shoddy treatment? If you dig down deep your response to that question could very well be, "I'm afraid I won't find anyone else to care about me". On some level, men like that are counting on this on some level, be it conscious or not.

Consider the fact that you will remain confused and off-balance as long as this man is in and out of your life. It's time to stop asking him to let you go. He's not going to let you go because he likes the idea that you'll continue to accept his poor behavior. It's up to you to let go of him. The alternative is to waste precious years of your life on someone who only has time for you on HIS terms and at HIS whim.

I lived with someone like this for too long. No matter what words I used, I could not get it through to him that the most valuable thing he could give me was his time.

A very dear friend of many years is fond of saying "a relationship is like a bank...you can only take out as much as you put in". Doesn't sound like he's invested as much emotion and consideration into the relationship as you have.

I know how hard it will be, but it's time to end this unsatisfying relationship. There is someone out there who will be willing, no, eager, to give you the most valuable gift of his time, along with respect and consideration.

Think about it seriously and ask yourself "How long am I willing to remain confused and off-balance, knowing it isn't going to change?".

Be strong, Jenibek, choose to put yourself first and free yourself from this situation so that you may be ready for the man who will treat you in the manner which you desire.

My wish for you is that you realize your worth as a person so that you may find the happiness that you deserve.

There's a Carly Simon lyric that kind of sums up how I feel about this: "I have no need for half of anything, don't have time for half a man's attention."

A

Answer 8

Jen, it's time to just get on with your life. He's playing with you. He wants to see just how much crap you will put up with before he fully commits to a relationship. The reason is this, the longer he holds on to you, he knows that he'll be able to increase his neglect and bad behavior. Just get on with it. If he really wants to be with you, then maybe he will persue you.

Or perhaps he's just not that interested and doesn't want to be the bad guy. He might want you to call things off, so he can play the victim.


Katelyn...MIA...Missing in Action.

Answer 9

Girl ...you and I know he is up to something. Sit him down and bring it up and tell him you know he is keeping a secret. if he wont tell you what it is I would seriously consider calling it off with him. Something is obviously more important than you if he is breaking off plans he has made with you. Think hard about WHY he is older and never married. Either he is gay or bi or something in his makeup that is not right. Listen to your gut feelings...they always steer you right. And if he is keeping secrets already...he isnt trustworthy and if you cant trust him you wont be able to love him for long.

Answer 10

Listen to your instinct, he is not into you, before you get to emotional attached to this guy, you need, to return the same favor as he is for you. Guys hate it when we play their game as they do. Treat him just a fish in the sea until something comes up better! Maybe men will stop playing their games so much.
Just to let you know, all women are to men, just another score for sex! That's it and they don't care who they hurt, just looking out for their own selffish desires. menweb.com and you can see the common stuff that these men really beleives that is right!