She never really gets into it, most of the time she just lays there unless I tell her to do something. It's like she doesn't enjoy it.. at all, but when I ask her if she even likes sex she says yes.
We've been going out for a year, she has only had one other person (who she claimed raped her, when she was asleep. This was when she was 16 and said she never told anyone because she was scared to).. which could very well be the reason why she doesn't enjoy sex and possibly never will? I am in a very sticky situation, I realize this. And she is extremely attached me.
Please don't post stupid **** like "She's whack".. I really have feelings for her and I know she has the same for me and I want to resolve this issue.
2006-11-25 11:39:52 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Then you need to sit down in a stress-free environment and talk this thing through to get to the heart of the matter
2006-11-25 11:41:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I'm sure that it's not you. I'd say that when she is having sex, her mind drifts to that horrible experience she had to go through. She may NEVER change this behavior without counseling. Then after she counsels one-on-one, you should attend with her. Maybe a therapist can get to the root of the problem. She sounds like she is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and has never been treated for it. She is definitely not a "whack" like you stated that she is not. She just needs to gain some control over her emotions. Hope you all work things out.
2006-11-25 11:47:16 · answer #2 · answered by adstidamrn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she was raped, she needs to get some counseling. A incident such as a rape can leave serious deep psychological scars, they can heal, however, she may require some assistance. This may have a great deal to do with why she is really not enjoying sexual activity. And this can be overcome. Encourage her to go and speak with someone. She can contact a Rape Crisis Center they usually have counselors. The counselors are non-judgmental, non bias and many have lived through the experience of a rape. And it is all totally confidential, all counselors are bound by law to keep everything discussed confidential. Good luck and God bless****
2006-11-25 11:45:39 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She probably first needs to go get professional help. After that, is sex enjoyable for you? Maybe you should stop telling her to do things and let her do things to you. Have more foreplay. Eat her out. Do something! Just dont sit there not letting her enjoy it or she probably will leave. She probably feels like your raping her when you have sex with her. That is why she cant get into it. Focus on her the whole time. Keep telling her you love her and kiss her face and look her in her eyes. Make sure she is really into it or else it will feel impersonal, like rape does. I hope this helps.
2006-11-25 11:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by Chanele G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ahhh certain the feared Gunji twot hahaha lol in simple terms kidding. Its likely her eating routine something she's eating i hit upon that vegetarians smell somewhat superior than i love, i'm particular they experience a similar way about omniverous and evidently... i'm assuming she's hygenic. Cuz being filthy will easily smell it up down there some. Have her bathe in some water scented with a number of your well known aromas that ought to help, or not. Or initiate eating extra of what she eats then a minimum of you'll both have a similar smells.
2016-11-26 22:06:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of women struggle with this issue. When I did it was because I was uncomfortable with the whole pre-marital sex issue. I knew it was wrong. What are her beliefs about
pre-marital sex? Ask her if she is just having sex to please you? Let her know that if she doesn't want to then you will stop. (Do this only if you will) If she thinks that you will respect her honest answer she may be honest with you. I would not suggest lying. But it sounds like you really care for her a lot. If she was raped then that factor could definately be a reason she is not satisfied. Let her know that she can be herself with you and that you love her without sex. Try to date her without having sex for a while if you can bear this and see how she responds to it. Let her know that she is still desirable by kissing her and holding her hand and showing her affection in other ways with flowers and perfumes and other things she likes. See how it works. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ask her how she would feel about talking to someone else about it with your support. Have a good heart to heart with her.
2006-11-25 11:51:37 · answer #6 · answered by shuntae28 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm very sorry to hear about her past. I also had a similar incident. Which I do believe is why I feel the same way. I could do w/out it. It's so very hard to explain. Ask her if she would like to see a counsilor and mayb talk about it. Are u making sure she is "sattisfied" in bed? Ya' know? is she getting the full end result ur? good luck!
2006-11-25 11:46:35 · answer #7 · answered by same girl/new name :) 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Two things could be going on....
Of course being raped plays a really big part and she probably needs some therapy.
Next is maybe you need to spend a lot more time getting her ready. Sex doesn't start in the bedroom
2006-11-25 11:43:39 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you know the reason: She was traumatized and has yet to overcome the bad association between the assault and the act of love-making. I'm sorry for her. It's not an easy road back to sexual health, but it is possible. Recognizing the cause of her seeming lack of interest is a major step to overcoming the horror she endured. Try just cuddling without consummation; the act of pure intimacy is very healing and reassuring. Be patient, please. Luck to you both.
2006-11-25 11:47:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well all you can do is say baby i know what happen to you in the past and i understand if you feel that sex scares you but know that i will never harm you. then tell her that when you do it you want her to enjoy herself and not just feel like thats something you want. so just talk with her more about it and hopefully she come around and if she is comfortable enough maybe get her a couseler that can help in areas you can't do by yourself
2006-11-25 11:44:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you may have unwittingly answered your own question (Your girlfriend being scared about being raped when she was younger).
I suggest you try and get her to tell people (The police as well, they can deal with this kind of stuff).
Maybe ask her to show you what she wants and you have to do WHATEVER she says, but agree on some ground rules beforehand.
Hope this helps
2006-11-25 11:44:12 · answer #11 · answered by swelwynemma 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋