Was I Wrong to ground my 12 yr old?

Question

I caught her playing doctor with the neighbor girl. She said she was giving her a pap test.

Answer 1

Don't be too hard on the kid, she probably has been allowed to watch primetime TV. Ground the Parents.

Answer 2

Not so much grounding, but one heck of a talk is in order and NOW.

Ask your daughter where she came up with the idea and if she knows what she was doing. Some kids are kind of innocent - she may have just heard it and went from there.

Answer 3

First of all, did you speak to her about decency? If not, then the blame lies with you not your daughter. At this age, they should know about each persons' private parts and should not be experiencing for the sake of seeing the differences, this experiencing because the adolescent sexual hormones have started to kick in. You need to sit down with your daughter and have an honest conversation about what she was doing, why she was doing it, and what was she thinking. It might be innocent, it might not. You can't punish without explained the ground rules, otherwise she will get the wrong message, and never come to you with personal questions.

I had parents that did that to me and I never asked them anything personal. I, therefore, got all my answers about sex, relationships and decency on my own, i.e. friends and my own experience. Keep the line of communication open and make sure you both are on the same page with actions and their consequences. With matters such as these if the consequence is not directly linked to the action (a very specific action) the lesson is lost.

(A good rule of thumb for me has been to say something to the effect of: What were you doing? How do you think I feel about you doing this as your mother? How do you think I feel about the choice you made? What do you think of this choice? Because this choice was ______________________, I believe there should be some/a strong consequence that we need to talk about.
After that I ask my son, what do you think a good consequence for this choice should be? I usually have to lean on him to get tougher, but he sets it, and I follow through with it. This places total responsibility on him, especially if you follow through with: Next time you make this choice, your consequence will be more severe. What do you think that will be?

Remember keep communication open for you and your daughter, because now is the time in her life she needs you to listen more so than judge.

Answer 4

Makes me wonder if something has happened to her. Why does she even know about that? Maybe you should ask her if she's ever had a pap test. Often kids act out what happens to them.

Answer 5

Heelo! Something is definitly NOT right here!!! What would a 12 year old know about a pap smear??

Answer 6

Oh my! I think you need to talk with the other girls parents and both girl and let them know that this is not right. I am wondering if this may be the start to a guy relationship. Which I do not have a problem with but you may need to get your head straight before it becomes more.

Answer 7

Do not ground her. I have 5 kids and they all go through that. I talked with a dr and she said you need to explain that that is not an appropriate way to conduct yourself. You never tell them its nasty or gross. They will have that image of sex for the rest of her life. It is a stage and I know how hard it is but do not over react.

Answer 8

Grounding is not the right way to go.

Talk to her ask her why she was playing doctor. tell her it wasnt appropriate but DONT ground.

Answer 9

DO NOT GROUND HER!!!!!!!!! You should probably just give her a talk about it but do not ground her at that age because of what happened. I repeat DO NOT GROUND HER!!!!!!!

Answer 10

THERAPY... not grounding. i suspect she is having some mixed feelings. at 12 years old you can barely get two girls to change in a gym locker room in fear that "someone will look"...

therapy for YOU and therapy for your child...

BEST OF LUCK