Well, I have been living with my boyfriend for 5 years. And I love him. But, this 'love' does not make me happy. I feel so unsatisfied. I feel alone even if he is holding me tight and I don't feel like getting anywhere. My problem is, I cannot leave him crually, he is an angel, and he loves me, he says so 10 times a day. I have started million times discussions about our relationship, but he does not seem to understand me, doesn't really see problems.
I wanna leave him, leave this life I have here in this house and in this city, I wanna go somewhere else and start over. Meet new people and think differently, work differently and feel differently...
I am not 'in search of myself', I know who I am, and this IS exactly my problem: I have realized now that I want different things in life and in love than that he 'gives' me or that we 'have' together... How do I leave him, without breaking his heart? Do you think a temporary separation -without really breaking up- could be a solution?
2006-11-25 11:18:08 · 13 answers · asked by lifeIsTooShort 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You see the door? Just walk through it and don't look back. He'll get over it.
2006-11-25 11:21:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course the temporary separation will be a solution.
Here are some things I noticed in your post that I think are the matters to be concerned about. First, from what I understood, you are together for 5(!) years. You love him, he is an angel... How come you are not married yet? I think if you can answer this question, you will have the solution to your problem.
Now, the thing that concerns me most is that you lived and are continuing to live HIS life only. And only now you started to think about your own wishes and inspirations, about what makes YOU happy. Very good for you; better late than never. For 5 years you pretended to be something that you are not. Now it is time to free yourself and escape from illusions. It takes courage, but you will be glad you did.
The last thing I want to say: your boyfriend is not an angel. He is a selfish and egoistic brat. He made you to live HIS life only and as long as HE is happy he doesn't feel like he should change anything or that anything should be changed. This is called "emotional neglect". And emotional neglect is worse than physical abuse.
I think the temporary separation can be a good solution. Hopefully, it will wake him up and make him to smell the coffee that has been brewing for a long, long time on the stove, and he will realize that some changes need to be down. Until you put your foot on the ground, nothing is ever going to change.
You are a very intelligent woman. I know you will be alright.
2006-11-25 11:40:16 · answer #2 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the separation sounds like a good plan for the short term. But before you do, write down on paper what you truly want in your heart from a relationship(marriage, commitment, children,etc.) and present it to him. Tell him you've been more than patient with whatever hangups or excuses he's been using for the past five years so he can have the best of both worlds.
You've been together five years and it's not going anywhere and you want this separation to give him time to think about whatever is holding him back from plunging in with both feet. No wonder you don't feel close to him even when he's holding you. You are feeling used because it's so one sided and he's getting what he wants. You want and deserve more.
I do hope it works out good for you. Be strong and true to yourself.
2006-11-25 11:40:31 · answer #3 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been with my husband for about the same amount of time you and your fiance have been together, we are roughly the same age, and we also have a four-year-old daughter. Two years ago, your daughter was two years old and the reality of how a child can change your relationship probably set it. In the case of my husband and I, we had to go out separately with our own friends because it's expensive, inconvenient or sometimes downright impossible to find a sitter so we can go out together. We are now changing that because we were drifting apart and it was causing problems. Relationships definitely become more challenging when you have a child but in the end aren't they the purpose? As for being annoying, after you are with this new woman for 12 years, trust me, she will annoy the sh*t out of you too. I can only guess that your fiance stayed home taking care of the child you created together while you went to this reunion. But here's the thing. You leave this woman and your child to pursue this emotional feeling of "true love" that will fade and you will have another child and guess what? You two will drift apart as the hard work of raising a child beats the romance out of both of you all over again. Relationships are work, and it sounds like your fiance is doing ALL the work for you both now trying to change and please you while being a mother (the hardest job on the face of the planet). You should have some respect for the woman you once loved and the woman you created. Make an effort. Have more sex. It will make you feel closer and connected. You said that you loved her like a good friend. Well good friends are loyal. You stick by a good friend. You don't dump them with the hardest job in the world for your own selfish desires. You made your choices and now a child is depending on you to stick to them. So in my opinion that is exactly what you should do.
2016-05-23 02:32:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
doing the seperation thing will only break his heart more. fast and simple is the best. if he won't sit down and talk with you, try a letter. or start packing and this will get his attention. bummer it took you this long to find out that what you want is not what he is giving you, but you have to do what is going to make you happy and if leaving and goine elsewhere is the key then go. sometimes people get into a rut when they are in a relationship and feel that they have no one and no life, no friends etc. maybe just start with an outside hobby and maybe things could work out. who knows. but good luck
2006-11-25 11:24:23 · answer #5 · answered by cattledog_vinnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, the nice guy always gets dumped. I must say, follow your heart. He loves you, but you don't love him, and you shouldn't be with someone you don't love. And he shouldn't be with someone who doesn't love him. I can't say there are any easy ways to break up with someone. I think all you can do is tell him honestly how you feel. Let him know that this is not the life you want to live. Tell him that you feel a need to change everything around you. I hope he understands. If my girlfriend ever decided to do such a thing, I would be saddened, but I wouldn't want to be with her if I knew she wasn't really happy with me, or the current lifestyle.
It might be hard as hell to break up with him. But if you leave with no intentions of coming back to him, you would only hurt him more in the long run, because everytime he has a chance with another girl, he'll tell himself "No, I can't do that, she'll be back for me one day". Break up with him, he'll get over it, and he'll move on. If you leave without doing so, he may never get over it, and might never move on. If you really care about him, you would break up with him, and let him move on with his life.
2006-11-25 11:27:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...if you leave him at all, it will break his heart. especially if he doesn't seem to see any problems. what you need to do is find a way to let him down as gently as possible. it's going to hurt....but it just depends on how deep a wound you leave.
just explain to him (until he truly understands) that you are very unhappy. put more emphasis on the fact that you want to have a different, more exciting career and you can't do that where you are now. you need to do this alone, because only you know what's best for you.
good luck
2006-11-25 11:25:43 · answer #7 · answered by Zenobia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Temporary separation without really breaking up is only postponing the inevitable. You KNOW what you want. Your head is "together". You've made up your mind! Now, all you have to do is to act upon it. It will no doubt hurt him now, but longterm, it is the best for both of you. He deserves a woman that loves him, and wants to be with him, and you deserve to be with someone that makes you happy. Best luck to you!
2006-11-25 11:24:30 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Prayer!!!! But i need for you to keep in mind that no relationship is perfect, & your trials come to make you strong, also the grass is not greener on the other side!!sometimes we get bored with what we are used to, but that doesnt mean we have to "run" away!! Do you love him?? I am not gonna say leave him & i ccant stay stay in a situation that keeps you feeling unpleasant, you make the choice, & i hope you find joy!!!
2006-11-25 11:25:18 · answer #9 · answered by kimmiegaddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Temporary seperations never work. I think your best bet is to tell him exactly what you've written here.. It's sad when your decisions hurt other people but it is "Your" decision and you deserve to have the best life you can have. Sometimes that means taking the hard route..
2006-11-25 11:23:23 · answer #10 · answered by keith j 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, I think you need to make a clean break and move. He'll only be a deadweight reminding you of all you are trying to escape. Sometimes it is good to move. Just communicate as honestly as you can and then make a break for it.
2006-11-25 11:22:44 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋