Brother caught shoplifting...... help!?

Question

Hi thanks for any help in advance.
I am 19 and my brother is 15 my parents are on holiday at the moment so I'm looking after him.

Story is on Friday afternoon I got a phone call at home from our local supermarket near his school where he goes for lunch.
I was asked to go and collect him as he had been found shoplifting. This is totally unlike him we're well brought up etc and he's never been in trouble before.
He lost half his lunch money so put a pie in his pocket that he couldn't pay for.
The school told them to phone the police, luckily they didn't because the goods weren't worth much.

My problem is now he's begging me not to tell my mum and dad about this, they can be quite rash sometimes and he will be grounded for a long long time they will probably overreact. I have already stopped him going out all this weekend.

What do you think I should do, if you were in my parents situation or in mine?

Thanks everyone for your answers. I sat him down and explained what would have happened if the police had been called and it could have affected him getting a job later in life for one stupid mistake.
He cried and told me he didn't really realise the concequences.
It's a closed matter as far as the store are concerned but I'm not sure whether his name was actually passed on to the school and if it was if they would take any action.
Personally I think he's learned his lesson and theres no way he'd do anything like that again. I just hope I'm right in thinking that.

Answer 1

Firstly - you need to realise that your parents left YOU in charge; so they must trust your judgement...

and in YOUR judgement a weekends grounding is sufficient punishment for what happened.

Tell them, if you choose to, but if you DO choose to - remind them that they left you in charge to make all necessary decisions! Which you did.

I would also tell your brother that he has let you down and will have to do much to restore your faith in him.

I think you have made a great decision and would tell your parents when you can be sure they can't have a 'knee-jerk' reaction to the news without listening to (all of the above).

Answer 2

This has put you in a predicament, firstly you will lose your parents trust if they find out about it from someone else and not you. Secondly you have already punished him by grounding him, so your parents over reacting now will be too late. You are an adult and if you can keep it quite without holding it over him and blackmailing him I think I would do that, only you know how your parents will react. I would tell your brother that if he does it again you will tell them it was not the first time that he had shoplifted. My son stole a mars bar when he was thirteen from the local shop, and truthfully he was never ever in any more trouble, and he is a grown man now so it could be a one off. So think about it have a talk with you brother and see what his reaction is and if he is showing any remorse, I know I went overboard when it happened to my son but it seems trivial now all these years later when he has not been in any further trouble. Good luck you are showing great maturity in deciding what to do, a lot of sisters would be glad they could get their brothers into trouble. Hope you can make the correct decision.

Answer 3

Your brother being grounded for a long time is NOT an overreaction. You've GOT to tell your parents. You may decided to be his advocate so that you stand, literally and figuratively between him and your folks.

Worse than grounding is what would have happened if the store called the police. He might not have spent more than a few hours in jail, but a record would have been taken and filed. The fact that your parents were out of town would NOT have likely prevented their finding out.

Which do you suppose would make your parents more angry? Finding out from you or finding out from the police? Guess what else, the SCHOOL also knows! What do you suppose the chances that the school won't contact your folks.

If li'l' bro gets grounded, he's getting off easy. He had the opportunity to make several choices. He could have borrowed money from a pal. He could have gone with out for a few hours. He did not have to shoplift.

Someone just mentioned making an adult decision. Do you think keeping this secret is the adult decision. Being the adult means making the hard decisions and sticking by them.

Answer 4

If its genuinely the 1st time and he genuinely regrets it, keep it from your parents, but warn him of the consequences should he be caught again. your folks left you in charge and you are making an adult decision. How you find the above out is difficult, was he with friends, do you think he is telling the truth? Your judgement call. I've been there, if the police got involved, it could be much worse, and theres no guarantee the school will keep quiet. Good luck.

Answer 5

well he's very lucky that they didn't get the police onto him....your parents would have found out and they would have flipped big time on him...especially after coming home from a nice holiday to that news....it's wrong to steal, and he knows it...was he with a group of friends when he did it?...it could have been peers pressure....tell him that if he EVER EVER does it again then you will tell your mum and dad....he is to promise you that he won't....he got away with a telling off this time, so let him know that if you find out he did it again you will tell them about the first time....i think he regrets stealing, and giving him a fair telling off is what you gave him....he really should have been reported but this place he stole from gave him a chance...it's up to you if you want to tell your folks, but i would just scare him and let him know that if it happens again, then he's for the high jump....also have words with the ones he was with from school...they could have put him up to it....regardless...he was caught and i think that's scared him a bit.....your a sensible person and i think you did a good job by dealing with this...imagine if your folks were there...it could have been much worse....let it go this time, but warn him you will tell if it happens again....and let him know you mean it

Answer 6

How I see it is this way. You were in charge at the time and so therefore you should handle it. If you want to keep it from your parents you run the risk of them finding out and not trusting YOU anymore. Talk to your brother and let him know you won't tell..but he must make amends as his punishment (and NOT stuff like cleaning your room LOL) Have him donate his allowance to charity..work in the store he stole from for free sweeping up..something like that. If your parents do find out about it you can tell them what punishment you doled out and they will hopefully see that you acted responsibly. Also tell your brother that it's a one shot deal...Everyone makes a mistake..but if he does it again you're telling them.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Personally I think that it would be wrong for you to keep this incident from your parents , as it will come to light sometime or other and when it does,they are not going to be happy with you for keeping it from them. Just tell them calmly what happened and that no charges have been brought against your brother, he realises that he did wrong and it won't happen again

Answer 8

take him back to the shop & offer to pay for the pie out of his own money , he will be very embarsed & that should be punishment enough i dont think he would do it again .you could tell your mum & let her decied if you dad should be told
I think you have delt with the matter & that should be the end off it if this is the first time hes been in big trouble ,give him another chance

Answer 9

If it's a closed case from the police's and supermarket's point of view and provided there's no chance of it coming out through anybody snitching, I'd put it down to experience as long as you feel he's learned his leson.

If you think there's ANY chance of your parents' finding out from a third party, you'd best tell them.

Answer 10

Perhaps he was feeling a bit insecure or jealous that your parents have gone away and wanted a bit of attention.. Ot is probably for the best not to tell your parents. But advise your brother that you will not tolerate this behaviour.. I'm sure it was a one off thing..