Who's got the best blond joke?

Question

I love telling blond jokes, no afence to anyone with blond hair. I'll give best answer for my fave joke. I'v heard of the China or the moon joke, the micowave t.v joke, the potateo joke, and the deserted island joke. I might have heard of a few more but please keep them at least PG rated.

Answer 1

I KNEW A BLONDE THAT WAS SO STUPID THAT:
~ she called me to get my phone number.
~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
~she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
~she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
~ she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
~ she tried to drown a fish.
~ she thought a quarterback was a refund.!
~ she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
~ if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
~ they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
~ under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
~ she tripped over a cordless phone.<<< DON'T LAUGH IT'S HAPPENED!!! >>>
~she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
~ at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put 'Sagittarius.'
~she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
~ it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
~if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
~she studied for a blood test.
~she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
~she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
~she thought she needed a token to get on Soul train.
~she sold the car for gas money.
~when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
~ when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
~she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
~when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

Answer 2

Q: Why do blond women have bruises around their bellybuttons?

A: Because blond men aren't too clever either.


I have one more

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $50, and visa-versa."

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a fifty-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the digital cellphone via infra-red wireless connection to his modem port and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mail to all his co-workers, friends, clients, and suppliers that he knows. And then some. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $50, and goes back to sleep.

Answer 3

Blond jokes are all based on the stereotype that blonds are stupid. What happens in this humorous tale is that there are six blonds interior the Bar and with the aid of describing them each and all the 200lb karate woman tries to intimidate the guy so he's disturbing of asserting the humorous tale whether he responds with the aid of asserting that he could would desire to describe the humorous tale 9 circumstances, honestly asserting they are all stupid so he could would desire to describe the humorous tale in my opinion. No offence yet i are turning out to be particularly some laughs out of this humorous tale even from blondes :) p.s. it is going to be "not if I would desire to describe it six circumstances."

Answer 4

no offense taken. im naturally blond and i love 'em.

a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were stranded in the middle of the desert. A genie appearred and said that they could each have one wish.

The brunette immediately said "I wish for a canteen of water that never gets empty, so that i dont thirst to death!"

The redhead was a bit smarter, and so thought for a bit longer. after a few minutes, she said "I wish for a thermos of soup that never gets empty, so that i dont thirst OR starve to death."

The blonde took even longer to think. after an hour, she finally said "I wish i had a car door." everyone was confused, and so they asked her why she wasted her only wish on a car door.

Proudly, the blonde said "When i got too hot, i can just roll the window down!"

Answer 5

I read this joke about 7 years ago, hope i've managed to keep it as funny as it was when i read it

Theres a breaststroke swimming competition between a blonde, a readhead and a brunette from one island to another. the competition begins and the readhead comes in within half an hour...she was covered with something warm and given a cuppa coffee......in another quarter of an hour, came the brunette....she too like the redhead was given a coffee and some warm clothes....its an hour since the brunette came in and the blonde is washed to shore (faintly concious) she was given warm clothes and was checked by the paramedics......on recovery she was furious and yelled "they cheated, THEY USED THEIR HANDS"

Answer 6

I am a blonde so here goes:

What's blonde/brunette/blonde/brunette/blonde/brunette?
A blonde doing cartwheels.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were trapped ontop of the empire state building which was sadly, on fire. The firemen below held out a blanket and told the brunette to jump into and promised to catch her. The brunette jumped without hesitation and just as she was about to hit the blanket, they pulled it out from under her and she splattered onto the sidewalk. They laughed heartily at this. Then they yell up to the redhead. "Jump! Jump! We'll catch you, we love redheads, we just don't like brunettes." The redhead jumps. She almost gets to the blanket and they pull it out from underneath her and she splats all over the sidewalk. Again, they laugh hysterically. Then they call for the blonde, "Jump! Jump! We'll save you! We just don't like brunettes or redheads! We LOVE blondes!"

"Oh no you don't!" the smart blonde replies." You're not fooling me!!!! You're going to pull that blanket away when I jump. So you set that blanket down and step aside!"

Answer 7

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"

The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

Answer 8

This is a joke I heard once...

I have a blonde that's one of my neighbors. One day she announced that she was going to go to Walt Disney World, she told me goodbye, got in her car and started to drive. Five days later she returned, extremely frustrated. When I asked her what was wrong this is what she said,

"Disney World wasn't there."

"What do you mean?" I asked, "where did it go?"

"I'm not sure," said she, "all the sign said was 'Disney World-Left"

I hope that was a good joke, it made me laugh.

--Monker

Answer 9

There was a blonde and she was driving along the highway and she cut off a trucker. The trucker signals her to pull over.

They get out and he looks really angry. He takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle. He says "stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!" so, she obeys.

He goes in his truck and gets a knife. He opens her car doors and tears up all the seats. He turns back to the blonde and she's giggling. This makes him angry.

He takes the knife and slashes all her tires. when he turns back to the girl she's laughing! this trucker is MAD!

he takes a sledge hammer and bashes in all her windows. when he turns back to the girl she's laughing and stomping her feet! the trucker can't take it any more.

he douses her car in gasoline and lights it on fire. he turns back to the blonde and she is CRAZKING up on the ground. he says "why are you laughing?! i just demolished your car!"

and she says, "I stepped out of the circle three times while you weren't looking"

Answer 10

A blonde dyed her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on. She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. She said to the farmer: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?" "Ok," said the farmer. So she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer looked around astonished and said, "Alright take one." As she was walking back to her car the farmer said, "If I can guess your natural hair color can I have my dog back?"