My stepdaughter lives with us one year and with her Mother the next. She switches schools every year. Right now she is in Germany with her mother. And next year she is suppose to come back to North carolina with me and her Father, then go to school here for a year...then move back the next year. It's really starting to get to my husband, her father. What would you do? Is it okay to keep it going this way. We've been doing this for 3 years now. Is this fair to her. OR is this way best? Please give me your honest opinion. Thanks to all
2006-11-25 10:16:47 · 13 answers · asked by Jess 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
My stepdaughter is only in 4th grade.
Her mother lives in Germany and We live in the States. NC.
2006-11-25 10:28:51 · update #1
She's going to have to settle down in one place for high school. US schools don't allow you to transfer your senior year. You have to spend junior and senior years at the same school. If she's still in elementary school, it's not detrimental. I'll assume she is since you didn't mention if she's resentful about it. If she were in Middle or High school she defiantly would be. Once she hits middle school SHE'LL be the one to want to settle down since she'll want to have consistent friends and want to be like everyone else.
2006-11-25 10:27:21 · answer #1 · answered by erin7 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the father and mother needs to come up with another custody agreement. They need to make this arrangement a more positive one for their child. Why don't they allow one parent to have the child during the school session. Then the other parent gets the child for the summer and maybe one or two holidays a year. It is really hard to give advice without knowing the details of why they chose to have their child go back and forth like this. As a educator who knows know two schools are alike. Let along two different countries. How does the child feel about this? You asked "Is this fair to the child?" NO! it is not.
2006-11-25 10:32:01 · answer #2 · answered by queenann62 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the child, if she feels loved and supported she will adjust many children do, the question of what is best for the child is the key here. Are you and your husband willing to give up your year and only see her on holidays because the alternative is that you are expecting her mother to do this. My advice is to make sure you keep in touch with her teachers, make sure she isn't struggling with homework and wait and see, if she is happy this can work and she is getting a wonderful experience in different cultures which she can utilize when she is older in her choice of career. There will come a time when she may choose that this is not for her, loving support and good communication is the best option here, fighting over her isn't.
2006-11-25 11:01:33 · answer #3 · answered by Just Thinking 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she can handle it, as in she's able to adjust to school and keep up with friends in both locations, then I don't see it being a big deal. It must be hard to only see her every other year though.
I don't suggest she keeps this switching on and off during the high school years because it's good to have consistency when you are preparing for college. She might miss out on classes and crucial exams. If she plans to stay in one country for further education or work, she should stay in that respective country for her high school years.
You didn't mention her age, so I'm assuming she's young.
2006-11-25 10:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by bansri47 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends a lot on her. She may really enjoy it and thrive or she may hate it. I do think that it should be left up to her to decide without anyone making her feel guilty for the choices that she makes. I would have loved this opportunity when I was in high school. It's really good of you to be so concerned about your step-daughter's well being. It shows that you and your husband are focused on what's best for her and that means that no matter what, you two wll be doing the best you can for her.
2006-11-25 10:29:08 · answer #5 · answered by Susan G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends on her age, could make her feel very unsettled... Mixing with new people then leaving might make her a bit of a loner.. Surely schooling in one school should be enough... And what if the schools that she goes to misses some of the curriculum could have a impact on her future, making it difficult to pass her exams.
2006-11-25 10:29:25 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have shared parenting with my step daughter, Same city though. It does seem rather unfair to the child. Why germany? Is there not a way that one of the two of them can relocate closer? The way ours works is she is with us 3.5 days outta the week and the other 3.5 she's with her mom. Seems to work out good for all of us. And she gets to share ample amount of time with each parent.
2006-11-25 11:18:15 · answer #7 · answered by Trisha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not fair on your step-daughter to be changing schools so often. She needs stability, the poor child will end up not knowing which way is up. She needs to be in one school and stay there. You and your partner need to sort this out with his ex, PRONTO.
2006-11-25 11:25:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate changing schools like that. So I think She should stay W/ who she thinks is a better parent. but the Adults still get final say.
2006-11-25 10:54:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
is her school work suffering due to the moving? it must be very hard for the child.if it was my daughter i would have her living with me and see her father in the school holidays, that way theres no disruption with schooling as it is very important, not to mention friends etc
2006-11-25 10:21:25 · answer #10 · answered by zeldieuk2002 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋