My mother of 89 has just died and they refused to come to the funeral. His wife said she wouldn't attend any funerals or even visit ME if I was dying of cancer. I had a big row with her but he goes along with anything she says. This breaks our hearts. How can I make him see that his family love him and just want to see him.
2006-11-25 09:44:20 · 17 answers · asked by elliebear 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Of course your daughter-in-law hates you and your son has to side with her to prove his love for her. The girl is selfish, what are you gonna do?
Here's what you do--you take a deep breath and think about what I'm going to tell you. Do not ask them questions or give them any advice whatsoever about anything. They know it all. Any comments or help from your end will be viewed as interference and you will be accused of living your life through them. Do not ever ask them for anything that they are unwilling to give you on their own.
Whatever transpired between you and this young woman, just put it under the bridge. You must behave as if you are meeting the woman for the first time. Speak kindly. You don't have to smile if you don't want to, but remember that she is your son's wife and he loves her. If you want to them to come to dinner or some such thing, call and talk to her about it. If she likes to be in charge, then put her in charge. It'll only give you want you want in the long run. Did you not ever hear that saying about how you have to "kill 'em with kindness" to get your own way? Think about it.
2006-11-25 10:04:40 · answer #1 · answered by Call Me Babs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You aren't saying what your fight with the daughter-in-law was about, who was wrong, etc. Not that it's anyone else's business, and I'm not asking. But you know what the fight was about. Re-examine it, and ask yourself why your daughter-in-law would not want to see you, and why her husband (not "your son," but "her husband") would agree with his wife. You might need to apologize for something, even if it's just a misunderstanding.
If you still think your daughter-in-law is overreacting, there's nothing you can do about it. Focus your attention on letting your son know you still love him. I don't mean go overboard, but I do mean send him "thinking of you" cards, or post cards, or just call and ask to speak to him once in a while. When you do write or call, don't say, "When are you coming to visit?" or "I haven't seen you in forever." You simply ask how he is doing, how your grandchildren are, how's work, etc. You tell him general things, like how his father's health is, or something funny that happened the other day. You tell him that you love him. That's it. Do not draw any attention to the fact that he doesn't visit you, or that you and his wife don't get along.
2006-11-25 10:34:48 · answer #2 · answered by nosleepthree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry to hearken to approximately your loved ones strife. I examine your total positioned up, and that i can not help yet think of there ought to be something that may not stated via you. inspite of the undeniable fact that it additionally sounds as in the experience that your son has no backbone of his very own to communicate of. If in any respect possible, i might as quickly as lower back attempt to touch him at a time once you recognize for particular that daughter in regulation would be out, and have a heart to heart communicate. If he would not prefer to pursue a dating, there is not any longer plenty you're able to do. inspite of the undeniable fact that it would be clever to show out on your son that the youngsters are being disadvantaged of a Grandma's love. optimistically you could sometime have yet another kinfolk member that he DOES talk with (like your daughter) cope with a party.
2016-10-17 13:11:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him a card, or a letter, now all you have to say is how much you love him. And how you miss not seeing him, Tell him he will always be in your prayers, And leave it at that! Now if you want to make amends with his wife, then you will say, I am sorry how things turned out between, your wife and I, I am sorry. I hope one day she will forgive me, since we are family, I hope and pray we can one day come together, and be a family again. Say my home is open to the two of you. and I love you! Now that is all that you can do. the rest is up to them! I hope that he will be man enough, to respond. If he does not, just keep him in your prayers.
2006-11-25 09:55:12 · answer #4 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry, but you are telling us just a fraction of the story. If your son refuses to mingle with his family, something major against him or his wife has taken place. You say that he goes along with anything she says. I think that you resent her for that and believe that she feels it and, therefore, stays away! If you truly want to see him, you need to accept and respect his wife! Good luck!
2006-11-25 12:29:57 · answer #5 · answered by Mz. Massachusetts 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you don't say many mean things to her or treat her bad? I know my mother in law treats me like **** and then plays Innocent and i am fed up. I hate her and wouldn't even want to get along with her naw because she does it over and over again. Maybe you make her feel not apart of the family. I feel that way and couldn't care less if i ever seen her again. Think about that maybe you are the one who needs to do alot of apologizing
2006-11-25 11:30:03 · answer #6 · answered by lem604 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to make a decision: either carry on trying to maintain a relationship with him allowing her to keep getting in your way and having your heart broken constantly; or give up, he will eventually realise what a ***** his wife is and make the effort to come back to the family on his own. In my case, I have taken the second option. It's tough and I miss him but I have to be allowed to have a life of my own.
2006-11-25 09:52:13 · answer #7 · answered by qurm_kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow..ive heard of a lot of this b4 and even though im 11 i hav a aunt who acts exactly like ur son. one tiome she came up to my dad wen he tried to calm her down and she yelled at him sayin he ruined her life. can u think of anything that might hav happened between ur son and u? wen they said they wont even c u if u had cancer tat is obviously not true. even if it comes from the mouth that is not really coming from the heart. ur son is probably just angry at u and his anger is getting at him and wen u keep buggin him his anger will keep rising. try keeping a little distance for a while and after a while call him and calmy say srry. iono if this wrks but good luck
2006-11-25 10:07:07 · answer #8 · answered by FullMoon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! this is very tramatic! you need to calm down. First, call your son. talk to him. you need to let him know that you care for him and you arent goin to let his wife get in the way of that. ask him if the 2 of u could meet withought his wife. if you finaly get him to do it then invite him to diner. cook one of his child hood favorites and make most everything the same so he wil remember all of the great times you guys had when he was growing up. smile at him. start a fire. make his feel cozy and welcome. hug him like you used to. he will remember. hel oves you dearly and anyone that gets in the way of that is not worth his time. after a while he will realize it. i promis.
2006-11-25 09:52:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you must have had a terrible falling out with your daughter-in-law. My advice to you is regardless of what happened in the past and who was at fault, extend the olive branch to her. Apoligize to her and tell her that you want to leave the past in the past and work on having a future with her and your son.
2006-11-25 09:49:09 · answer #10 · answered by ramogu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋