My son n law never bought my daughter a wedding ring. She continued to call me crying about it. So I gave her an heirloom ring and asked her to keep it and wear it until her husband was able to buy her a ring of her liking. We were talking one day and she told me the ring I gave her was not really to her liking. I told her to wear it until her husband could get her a ring of her liking and give the ring I gave her to her daughter (my granddaughter) as an heirloom past down from one generation to another.
Then my daughter begins telling me that she had the ring broken down an made into a ring of her liking.
Then the truth came out. She gave the ring to her mother n law in exchange for her wedding ring.
So I asked the mother n law, son n law and my daughter to give me back the ring. They have refused to give it back.
Their lack of gratitude & lying has really hurt me. I would like to know others thoughts on how they would handle this.
2006-11-25 09:27:08 · 29 answers · asked by Shawna 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The mother n law asked me to pay her for the ring to get it back.
The son n law says nothing and done nothing to correct this situation.
My daughter refuses to give the mother n laws ring back in exchange for the heirloom.
It seems to me my son n law should buy his mothers ring or purchase a ring for his wife.
The mother n law sends hateful emails wanting to fight since we refused to buy the heirloom back.
I am very disappointed in all of them and will not be buying my daughter, son n law or grandkids anything.
I don't feel the grandkids should suffer but I don't trust their parents to even give them the gifts.
2006-11-27 06:52:48 · update #1
Queen Bee and M are both correct. Also if the mother-in-law won't part with it offer to buy it back. Explain that this is very hurtful to you and if this is the only way to get the ring back you will pay her. Unfortunately, legally there is nothing you can do. If you have to cry and make her feel guilty that's what you should do. She should be a big enough person to realize that SHE is not the person you intended to have that ring since you would NEVER have given such an heirloom to anyone else but your daughter. Common sense indicates you don't want anything like that going to an in-law!
Additional comment:
After reading your additional details I think you should write them all off. The mother-in-law has some nerve thinking you SHOULD PAY! And even more nerve trying to fight over something that shouldn't have been given to her in the first place. And your son-in-law is a wuss because he won't just pay his mother himself and return the ring to you. I wouldn't buy ANYONE ANYTHING! Take your money and spend it on yourself. I think they are all ROTTEN to be doing what they are doing.
2006-11-26 13:29:44 · answer #1 · answered by ami 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Shawna, I am afraid the ring is lost to you. Unless, you are willing to buy it back from the mother-in-law, who now knows who much this ring means to you.
She will proably hold it "hostage" till you pay the ransom. How much that ransom is going to be-there's is no telling, since she wouldn't give you back the family heirloom. The ring wasn't your daughter's to give away or trade. I am so very sorry for the loss.
A lot of people don't put much stock in family heirlooms like they did before. It doesn't seem to matter who it belonged to, it's just stuff. I know you heart is broken by this, and unfortunately since your daughter doesn't seem to care, you have two choices. 1] forget the whole matter, and just don't ever give her anything "priceless" again 2] ask the monster in law how much.
I would say the daughter and son n law need to pay her the money, but I doubt that's going to happen. So, it's up to you now. I know you are hurt, and this could be a relationship killer here. So tread lightly if you don't want to have a complete family meltdown. Please think it over carefully, and I would pray that the kidnapper would let you have the ring back at a reasonable cost. She feels like she out of pocket on this deal too, so the only way you can recover your property is either pay her or take her to court. Because it was on loan-not a forever gift.
Praying that some how you can retrieve your ring back with out WWIII breaking out.
God bless us all...............
2006-11-25 11:43:20 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would explain the situation to the mother in law and ask if you may buy the ring back. Or discuss trading rings back. Either option likely will not happen. But in order to get the heirloom back, you may have to do try it.
Do not give anything of value, monetary or sentimental to your daughter again. She knew what she did was wrong, that is why she hid it from you. I think you may have been taken for granted. For that to happen by your family shows not only non appreciation, but lack of respect for you.
I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. My Aunt gave me an heirloom and I would never part with it. Not even if I was broke. I would give it back to her to hold while I got back on my feet.
2006-11-26 10:52:14 · answer #3 · answered by elliott 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since the ring wasn't your daughters to give away in the first place, she should be the one getting it back. If her and her husband have to buy her off to get it back they should. If they won't you could always try to pay her for it. If you don't want to do either you can file a civil suit and let the judge decide on what happens to the ring. That is a shame that your daughter thinks her ring was so important that she would do such a thing. I feel sorry for her husband, he's going to have to deal with a materialistic wife and a ***** for a mother! Good luck!!
2006-11-25 09:33:24 · answer #4 · answered by twopeas03 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My mom gave my daughter a carousel horse from her collection right before she died a little over a year ago and it got broke when she had friends over so I know exactly what you are going threw. My daughter was so upset and said how could she be so careless with something so important. And I just keep telling her, that if her grandma was sitting right her next to her she would not want her to be crying for any reason, and that her grandma sitting up in heaven does not want to see her crying, that just because an object got broke does not mean that she does not love or care about her grandma, If she was still here yes she would feel bad but she would be able to make it up to her, just remind her that her grandma loves her and always will, that the necklace is just a possession,not grandma's love. Good luck.
2016-05-23 02:16:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you daughter had inherited the ring after your passing, she probably would have done something similar. The only difference is that you are aware of it now. Just use this as a learning experience that heirlooms mean nothing to your daughter. Give her an old appliance in your will later on. She will appreciate this just as much as the ring.
2006-11-25 09:37:58 · answer #6 · answered by jpbofohio 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have something in writing, you've probably lost the ring.
Maybe you could offer to buy another ring for the mother-in-law, that is, if the heirloom is that important.
Worst case scenario? The ring is gone, and you have learned to never trust your deadbeat daughter, son-in-law, or his family with anything of value.
2006-11-25 09:40:18 · answer #7 · answered by Bob L 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree. They have all wronged you. If the ring had belonged to your mother and/or grandmother it is of great significance to you.
To get it back? I'd never let them live it down, ever. When the next 25 occasions arrive., i.e., your birthday, Xmas, Mom's Day...whatever, Just tell them that all you want and what would make you happy is getting that heirloom ring back. Remind them at every opportunity that you are devastated over what they have all done...trampled over your heart and inconsiderate of your feelings, property, and your trust and whatever else you can think of to get through to these deaf and selfish individuals. These people have no conscience...you'll have to teach them what it is.
If they still don't return it...then write your Will and indicate that you have already given the most precious thing you owned to them already...an heirloom that they did not appreciate and leave them nothing more. That ought to show them how much it meant to you..and tell them. That ought to get through to them.
2006-11-25 10:16:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that you recently won a large amount of money in the lottery. Then tell them that you'd give them a million dollars if they give you the ring back. Then, get the ring and say, oh well it's going to be a few months till i get the money, and then find out from your daughter how much the mother in law paid for the ring she exchanged with her. Then, give her THAT amount and say, oh there was a screw up with the lottery and we didn't end up winning.
You could also call the cops and say they stole it.....
2006-11-25 09:39:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must neutralize the situation. It might take a while and a lot of patience, but it is your best bet. Back off, don't bring it up for a while. When things have cooled off it will be much easier to talk rationally about it. Perhaps they will agree to a trade.
A sneaky way around it would be to go to a pawn shop and buy another "heirloom" ring. You could convince them that it is valuable and even more nostalgic. See if they will trade for it. Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
2006-11-25 09:31:43 · answer #10 · answered by sixgun 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋