There's this guy that I've been in an FWB situation with for the past three months. He decides he wants to end the sexual aspect and remain friends. Today we were having an IM convo and I asked him about a project he wants to start working on. I asked him if he was serious about it because I didn't have time to play games. I made a comment that a lot of people, particularly men, never seem to follow through. Well, he starts getting upset, telling me that I think he's playing games and isn't about anything. Then he proceeds to tell me that I'm too judgemental and think I'm perfect.
Now, can someone please tell me what the hell just happened? Why did he fly off the handle like that?
2006-11-25 09:24:13 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No, you are not being judgmental. On the contrary, it sounds like your brains are kicking back in business after being brainwashed by this guy. Look, being called "judgmental" is a pretty heavy appellation to put on someone. NO ONE wants to be called judgmental because that implies you're narrow-minded, boring, ultra conservative, etc. and he's been smart enough to control you with the right handle. You probably weren't judgmental to begin with but perhaps had reservations about some aspects of the relationship. Rather than calling him a narcissistic jerk (oh, the glory of self love!) or an extremely shrewd manipulator, my guess is the term "judgmental" so repulsed you that you did things you weren't comfortable with. The term "judgmental" shut you down and rather than using your defenses (and commonsense) to repudiate this, it sounds like you've been going in circles to prove that you're not. Okay, he won. This. Round. Don't let him win again. Dump his guy. Don't think about having a friendship with him because you can't -- unless you want more verbal mistreatment. For one thing, he IS manipulative and secondly, your question was a legitimate one, your criticism light and yet all hell broke loose. This guy can't stand to be criticized. Do you think you're always right? I doubt it or you wouldn't be asking this question. Does he think he is? You betcha. And whatever stops him from treating people (and my guess is women in particular) exactly the way he wants to isn't going to be tolerated by his ego which is probably the size of Alaska. So he uses terms judgmental to jerk you back in line. Break the chain.
And concerning the project you mentioned -- ask yourself this: who would have done the majority of the work and who would have taken credit for it?
2006-11-25 09:48:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You made a negative generalisation about men, he is a man. It was a comment designed to get a response from the person you were talking to & he responded. You got what you wanted, what are you worrying about? He didn't fly off the handles, you pushed his buttons. It sounds like you are being ***** cos he doesn't want the FWB thing anymore & if you are not careful you will lose him as a friend too.
2006-11-25 09:33:34 · answer #2 · answered by girls_lie_too_23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Friends With Benefits" is a sexual relationship without personal commitments. YOU crossed the line when you told him that men don't follow through. Even though that is what you said, this is what he probably heard, "We had sex and now you aren't following through with the relationship!"
That is why he told you that you are judgemental and perfect. It is not always what you say, but it is always what the other person choses to hear.
2006-11-25 09:29:22 · answer #3 · answered by cbkeller60 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he thought you were referring to him not following thru with your relationship, rather than the project that you were referring to. I would just explain that you were talking about the project not men in general...that should clear things up.
2006-11-25 09:29:54 · answer #4 · answered by joker:P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is guilty about something. Does he maybe have a gf and you don't know about it? It does sound like you were attacking him a bit, but i don't think you really meant to. Just try to talk to him calmly even tho the first reaction is to jump back at him.
2006-11-25 09:28:15 · answer #5 · answered by Jim V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like ask to many questions, but I don't think you are being judgemental.
2006-11-25 09:27:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you get on his nerves and it's starting to irritate him...
2006-11-25 09:34:36 · answer #7 · answered by silsa1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Total *****-a.ss.
lol.
I mean the guy.
2006-11-25 09:32:42 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋