How much are your children's grandparents involved...?

Question

What do you think is pushing the limits on grandparents being involved in a child's life?

How much are your children's grandparents involved in thier lives?

Do you think it's fair for grandparents to be expected to play a role in a grandchild's life? Why? Why not?

I guess what I'm asking is:

How much is too much to expect from any grandparent? Do you feel it's fair to expect anything at all?

The reason behind is I see more and more parents expecting their parents (the children's grandparents) to watch them. In my own opinion, I do not believe that is fair for the grandparents.

I am military also. So my children's grandparents aren't as "involved" in their lives as many. I hate to see when parents use their children's grandparents as a cop out--not paying them, dropping the kids off everyday with NO cash, or even gratitude. I think grandparents are a great thing but far too many rely on them too much and too often. If I lived around my in-laws or my parents even if they did not accept I would offer them money every time they watched my children. My grandmother (76) watches one of my cousins--for nothing. She recently had a stroke and the day after she got home from the hospital she (my cousin) was over at my grandma’s house. I just cannot stand that. The saddest part is my grandmother is too sweet to just say “no.” I see this happening more and more--it’s very unfortunate.

Answer 1

My parents live out of state so, to 'expect' them to watch my kids is a luxury I have only entertained in my imagination. My parents have an amazing commitment to my kids (to us) My daughter is 9 now 9she is my oldest child) and the longest they have gone since she was born without see us has been 5 months. Mind you, its a 13 hour drive from their house to ours.
I envy people who have mom's & dad's that can be involved in their kids lives every day. I envy people who can save the money on daycare, and have an emergency person who can pick them up if they are sick.
Personally, I would not take advantage of my parents. If they did live here, I would ask always if they "could" help us out. I would never 'expect' my parents to keep my kids for the summer but I am fortunate enough that my parents wanted my kids for a whole month last summer!!

No, I dont think its fair that people expect their parents to play a role in their grandchilds life, but A) life is not fair. Gotta let go of the idea of life being fair. B) Family is family and I believe that the theory of "it takes a village" applies to every family.
Some families are really unhealthy and in those cases parents do best to keep themselves distanced from the grandprents. In other cases grandparents have a lot to offer. Guidance, support, generational connectedness - and there is something to be said for that - it is a value and a blessing.

Answer 2

I think the grandparent/grandchild relationship is a very powerful one.
I believe the role of the grandparent is to enjoy their grandchildren. I see my parents taking such great joy in their grandchildren...when they are little they are happy to help out now & again watching the children. Not regularly, and not for long periods of time because they are older and they tire.
As the grandkids get older and are involved in activities they go watch them play/perform. I see how much the grandkids florish from the love they recieve from the grandparents.

My parents are very permissive with their grandkids...which I understand...they are not going to fight with the grandkids over a piece of candy or an uneaten supper!! They shouldn't! They already raised their children. However, If I ask my parents to please don't give my little guy *x*, they won't...but I don't put a lot of limits because the children and the grandparents should be free to enjoy each other.

It's a beautiful thing to see, that love between the grandparents and grandkids...my little 22 month old ADORES his grandparents and my 22 year old nephew thinks his grandparents are the coolest people in the world!!

I think we need to let the grandparents be grandparents and let the grandkids enjoy that!!

Answer 3

My daughters' grandparents are VERY involved. My mom usually takes the girls once a week. This is her choice not mine. There are even times when I have to TELL my mom that the girls need to come home because she doesn't want them to. As far as the other grandparents, my dad sees them about once a month. He only lives 10 minutes away yet can't find the time because of his new girlfriend. My fiance's father sees them once a month but then again, he lives out of state. My fiance's mother watches our girls everyday while I work. When I had mentioned going back to work my mother in law volunteered to watch the girls because she didn't want a stranger watching them. We never planned on anyone else watching them. Their father and I work different shifts and we planned for one to watch them while the other was at work. She wouldn't have it though. She's been retired since she was 30 and I guess was just lonely during the daytime while her husband was at work. She charges us $50 a week for 2 kids. She didn't want us to pay anything and this was the most she would take. Not all grandparents are like this, but I guess that's where we got lucky.

Answer 4

My mother, the kids maternal grandmother, would watch the kids in a heartbeat if I asked her to but my husband and I have only left our kids a small amount of times with her as I am a stay-at-home mom and do not leave my kids very often. My mother tries to buy the kids toys for every holiday-including Halloween and Thanksgiving. She comes to see the kids once per week (sometimes twice), when she is off from work (she would come every day if she could.) She always brings an outfit with her for each child and little snack crackers every time that she comes. My husband and I are trying to set limits and to have her only give the kids gifts for their birthdays and Christmas-snack crackers are okay to give more often. My kids paternal grandparents live three hours away and both work full-time. So, they do not get to see the kids very often. We usually bring the kids for a visit to their house but they have watched the children before during the evening while my husband and I have gone out on a date. Also, my mother-in-law watched my son overnight when my daughter was sick and in the hospital. My kids maternal grandfather does not see them very often as he works full-time and keeps himself busy doing other stuff. I think that a grandparent should visit, yes, but not to bring a gift every time. My maternal grandmother watches my two cousins (every Monday through Friday before/after school) and has since they were little as she has been retired from work and she wants to help out and make sure that the boys are safe. My cousins (the boys) are older now (preteens/teens), anyway. It is a lot for an elderly woman or grandparent to watch active children but she was in her late 50's or early 60's (not 70 and beyond) and she really wanted to help out.

Answer 5

My children's grandparents all live in Pennsylvania and we live in Arizona so they are pretty far away and we don't see them that often. My boys talk to my mom everyday on the phone and several times a week on the computer via web cam. They talk to my dad and brother at least once a week.

However, on the flip side, they only talk to my in-laws once a month since they don't seem to make time for the boys.

I think having grandparents that play an active role is important in a child's life. As long as the grandparents follow your guidelines and the rules you have set into place.

Answer 6

I don't think it's fair to expect anything from your children's grandparent. They didn't donate any of the time in creating the life so why should they automatically be responsible to play a role? On the opposite side of that I don't think any parent should keep a child from their grandparent unless there is a safety issue. My kids have six sets of grandparents and each set in involved in their lives in some way. Each set understands that there are limits to what they are allowed to do with and for my children. I don't mind Grammy and grandpa spoiling the kids, but they are not to allow behavior I wouldn't tolerate. No jumping on the furniture means no jumping on the furniture. As long as Grammy and grandpa aren't undermining mom and dads authority they should be allowed to spoil the grand kids rotten.

Answer 7

I think Grandparents can play an extremely important role and I do think it's fair to expect them to as it is in our history that the extended family help and it is healthy for children to experience wide ranges of parenting etc.
In some cases grandparents can't be involved which I find is a shame but sometimes certain circumstances mean they can't.
My baby spends a lot of time with both sets of grandparents which I really like but I can definitely understand why some people don't want their grandparents involved eg: a friend of mine doesn't get on with her mother in law to such a degree that she's tried to split her and her partner up many a time and is always causing trouble and is also an alcoholic.
I do not agree, however, with people who rely too heavily on the grandparents and just use them as free babysitters on a regular basis.
Wow i nearly wrote an essay!
sorry!!!

Answer 8

My children's grandparents are involved in their lives. We live next door to hubby's parents, and my step mom is my daughter's teacher.
However, the limits to me are:
demanding to see them every single day, the phrase, "let them come over it has been so long since I have seen them" annoys me since they never go more than a week without seeing them!

Even though we are very close to the grandparents, we do not do "drop offs" for free babysitting, we are the family and we act as such and have "our family" separate from "their family" times.

I think it is good for grandparents to be involved to help the parents remember how they were as a child, so they can better understand how thier child acts sometimes. I know it has helped me. "you mean I did THAT???" has come from my lips many times.

Answer 9

My kids see their grandparents at least once, sometimes 2 times a week. They ask to babysit though, they absolutely adore their grandkids! My husbands mom sees them on holidays and special occasions only because she never calls or stops by. If she wanted to see them or babysit she'd say something I think. Besides she's busy with my husbands sisters kids all the time. I think it's very important for kids to see their extended family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. It gives them more experiences which I think is good for them. They should only be involved as much as they want/have time for however, it should not be a forced thing.

Answer 10

Unfotunately, I live far from family. So, my parents aren't involved in my children's life on a daily basis. I would LOVE to have them nearby and see them regularly.

I guess it depends on your relationship with your family. If they overstep their bounds, then I'd just try to limit the amount of time you give to them. If they are good grandparents, I say as much interaction as possible.

I think kids need all the love they can get and if their grandparents are good people and loving, then I say give them a big role.

Just my opinion!