I have recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I find it hard to stay in a relationship for very long as I have severe abandonment issues which cause me to be very clingy. It becomes a sort of 'I hate you but please don't leave me' relationship. I have a new boyfriend and I like him a lot but I'm scared I'm going to lose him. I was wondering if anyone who has BPD or knows of someone with BPD that has had a functioning relationship?
2006-11-25 06:32:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
I am under the care of a health professional and I will be starting Dialectical Behavioural Therapy in the New Year
2006-11-25 06:42:04 · update #1
It depends. There are many variations of BPD.
The fact that you accept you have BPD makes it highly more likely that you can work your way to a functional and consistent relationship, but it will take therapy, and a very understanding partner.
I was in a nearly 9 year marriage with a severe BPD, who had issues with abandonment, trust, self-esteem, etc., but the big barrier was that she did not accept that there was anything wrong with her. That's why BPDs are so hard to treat, because their self-esteem is often so low that they can't accept there's a problem with them, because that's an attack on what little self-esteem they have left.
As I said, the fact that you acknowledge you have issues that could be a problem puts you way ahead of the pack. Everyone has issues of some kind, but BPD issues usually keep BPDs from accepting help.
So, yes, if you are willing to work on it, you can get there. Hope for the best and keep trying.
2006-11-25 06:45:22 · answer #1 · answered by T J 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are no words to describe what it's like to be with someone who has either split personality disorder and/or BPD. I recently experienced this with a many that was 54-years old. You would think that someone that age is ready for marriage or commitment of some type. WRONG! This man ran away from us due to his fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, fear, etc. You will be babysitting for the rest of your life and self-sacrifice any future that you may have. It is tough if you already love someone with this disorder, however if you find out quickly as I did after 4-months, there's a chance to heal and move on with your life.
2015-12-13 10:54:53 · answer #2 · answered by Deb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I looked up the definition of BPD. It is very close in characteristics to Bipolar Disorder, which is a mood disorder as is BPD. Have you gotten more than one opinion from psychiatrists? Therapy is less effective for bipolars as all it can help with is dealing with the mood swings - such as f*ck off, please don't go. Mood stabilizers such as Lithium, Lamictal etc help bipolars not feel the way you described. Make sure you have the correct diagnosis. There's much more to BPD than you're describing about yourself and correct treatment for the properly diagnosed disorder will keep that guy around. Good luck.
2006-11-25 06:54:05 · answer #3 · answered by Debra D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can tell you that I know one 11-year relationship in which the woman has BPD. It has been a LONG road, but they have made it work. When she's on her meds, things go pretty well--but she never stays on her meds for very long. If you are not under the care of a mental health professional, I strongly suggest that you find someone. It can work, but it takes work!
2006-11-25 06:36:16 · answer #4 · answered by psych_donkey 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's possible. But there is no way around that a main component with borderline pd is having intense, unstable relationships which tend to be quite turbulent.
I know people with it who have been married for many years, so it is not a hopeless situation. I think it takes a really special kind of person to be the partner of somebody with this illness.
DBT can help you to have more stable relationships.
2006-11-25 07:14:08 · answer #5 · answered by Jess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's possible (I have Aspergers', and had a long relationship with a woman who is bi-polar), but they will need to be very patient, always seeing the real you through your immediate state. Sometimes this is hard.
2006-11-25 06:36:42 · answer #6 · answered by Morosoph 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I hate to tell you this chica. But BPD is one of the major things that it is important for a man to put in the "absolutely under no circumstances" category for women. It's right up there with drug user, prostitute, felon, illegal alien, HIV+ and unwed mother in terms of things a man must say no to.
Your boyfriend would be a fool to stay with you. Because one day, sooner or later, you are going "split" in your perception of him as a man. Like a lightswitch, your feelings will turn from dependence and what looks like love and caring, to rabid hatred, disdain and a desire to hurt him. Not a big deal if you are just dating. Major disaster if you are married and have children.
It is a man's ultimate responsibility to guard his future family from such an outcome. No man who knows better will accept this from you.
2006-11-25 06:47:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 20⤋