I'll keep this as short as possible: We meet, hit it off real big. Things go great for a few months. She starts to go distant. Hot and cold for a while. We talk. She says she is always like this. OK, I have heard the, "It's not you, it's me" thing, you know what I assume. But things stay hot and cold. We start getting closer, she starts to push away. Up and down, like a yo yo. I start to push a little, figured it's only a matter of time that the "truth" comes out. We keep talking, she keeps saying the same thing though. I let up some, but the back and forth drives me nuts, just totally plays on every insecurity I ever had, and I back off some, push some. WTF? Finally occurs to me that she really meant what she said, something big and bad in her past. But now I've pushed her further away (not gone, but on a "break"). If I explained this to you, what would you say? I mean, what should I have thought? I have to look out for me, and who hasn't heard that line before?
2006-11-25 06:24:24 · 4 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She is seriously one of the nicest people I have ever met and I assumed she was just too nice to break it to me. So if you were in her shoes and you heard this account, do you think you could look past it eventually? Or is it gone? This is seriously just a misunderstanding, one that I originally thought I was protecting both of us from.
2006-11-25 06:24:37 · update #1
So, what you're saying is that your relationship isn't "warm" like you want it to be, it's always "hot" and "cold"....
Hmm...well, heres a little advice I can give you...When you two are sitting down and talking, dont push too hard to get the answers that you want, when she wants her space, give it to her, but while you guys are on your breaks, give her a call just to tell her that you're thinking about her....leave small msgs saying that you hope she's having a good day, sweet things like that...
It's pretty diffiuclt when you want to know what's going on when all they do is push away...confront her about that one day too, that you dont like the idea of being kept in the dark and you'd like to know her more...
From her point of view, I'd have to say that she's got problems, and she has to learn to loosen up and talk to you about it...
I hope everything goes well for you mijo!
Good luck. ^_^
2006-11-25 06:32:50 · answer #1 · answered by La Reina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're dumb at all. I think that you were acting on the information you had available. Has she dealt with this "big and bad thing in her past"? It doesn't sound like it and it sounds like it will continue to be a problem in her relationships (whether with you or someone else) until she does and moves on. If she's in the process of seeking help or taking active steps to deal with it, then I guess it just depends on how patient you are and if you want to wait. But if she's not - if she's accepted that she's just "always like this" then you have to decide if you want to continue pursuing a relationship that plays on every insecurity you have. It's not easy either way. Good luck!
2006-11-25 06:33:03 · answer #2 · answered by Traci 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm quite confused after reading that but I think she needs her space. Try to talk to her as a friend and not a bf. Try to gain her trust as a friend before you try to go farther that that. I think she just needs to know you can be trusted and that you can be a friend.
2006-11-25 06:28:56 · answer #3 · answered by camm300 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your not dumb. i duno what i would have said. i think i would forgive you. =-)
2006-11-25 06:29:06 · answer #4 · answered by mojoe_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋