Every year I dread the holidays from Thanksgiving through New Year. I guess it has to do with being an spoiled only child and then my parents got a divorce so then Christmas meant airplane rides.
Now, I am 35 with 3 kids. My son who is 17 understands what I mean, been divorced from his dad since my son was 2. My husband of the past 12 yrs and father of my 2 girls ages 9 and 10, has a a big wonderful family who all get together and embrace the holiday spirit. I NEVER want to be a part of the get togehers but hubby makes me go and it never fails that I get angry and end up hating all of them. My son feels the same way. One of the bigger cousins picks on the girls and I get MAD and they tell the mom who does nothing to her kids. My nephew smarts off to me and I get sooo mad I leave with the kids. Then hubby gets mad at me.?
He says that I am wrong. I have explained to my mother in law but she says its all family and we all have to get along. Shouldn't me and my kids be more important?
2006-11-25 05:18:02 · 9 answers · asked by confusedatothers 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I try to get over it. Every year I tell myself to be cheery and happy that I have a house, good job, and healthy kids.
It gets worse every single year !!!
and I am not really spoiled regardless of being an only child.
2006-11-25 05:31:30 · update #1
Of course you should be more important. However your husband is in a ticklish situation. He is following the traditions that his family has established over the years & is expected to participate. His participation includes you & your children as a family unit. Holiday season is stressful on people. Some of us handle it differently than others. You are in a no win situation. You'll have a difficult task trying to change his traditional values. Sometimes it is much easier to change the way in which you deal with it realizing there are very few options. It is not always easy to have a smiley face & be happy about the situation. What I have done in the past is to attend these family functions & find someone who I can relate easily to even if it is the younger members of the crew. Playing games with the kids is a great distraction & you'll appear to be enjoying yourself without any negativity being shown. The key is to arrive with an attitude that is positive. You'll never change theirs so it'll require you to change yours. Leaving only causes more grief for everyone. You put yourself & your kids in a compromising situation at that point. Kids will always pick on each other regardless. If they see they are bothering you it only encourages them more. You are creating a situation where by you are the kids defender. The kids should be defending themselves first & foremost. It is called preparing them for life. Furthermore your husband should be supporting you & the kids regardless & it's time his attitude changed also. Making demands & issuing ultimatums never works. He'll get his back up every time & you'll be left to your own resources. Don't give him or them the satisfaction. Get together with your kids beforehand & explain to them what to expect & how to deal with the annoyance. Once they stand up for themselves it should end pretty quickly. If not, go to your husband & your mother in law & have them explain to you & your kids why if schools do not condone bullying why they find it acceptable behaviour. Put them on the spot in front of the entire family. Be tactful of course but stand your ground. Failing that next year start your own Family traditions with or without your husbands participation. That way you set the standard of behaviour.
2006-11-25 06:14:08 · answer #1 · answered by Diablo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know what, people may experience worse holidays than yours, but it doesn't make your stress any less important.
I know my family holidays are now different because the biggest part of my family passed away last year around Thanksgiving and so many other things happened to ruin the holidays and take away our spirit. But I'm not going to tell you to get over what you feel because of what my family went through. I think you have a stressful situation on your hands, having little holiday spirit and having to force yourself to put on this happy facade for people you can barely stand. Anyone can have a house full of family, appreciate it, and still not be happy because of the circumstances.
My suggestion would be to try and start your own family tradition, like someone already suggested. I think your oldest child is taking his cues from you, and because you've had bad feelings about the holidays ever since he could remember, he's also taken on that habit. If anything, put on that fake happy facade for your children. Go all-out. Decorate the tree together, make desserts together. Watch movies and do something that you can continue to do every year together, even if it seems corny and like something you wouldn't want to do normally. You might actually find yourself getting use to it and looking forward to doing it again the next year. Make it fun for the kids and I think, once you see they're having a good time, even the big one, you might have a good time also.
As for visiting the extended family, talk to your husband calmly about it. Get all your points across to him, and keep it level, even if he starts to get mad and loud. See if you can come up with some kind of compromise, like you all go to visit, but stay no longer than an hour, or you all go to visit, but take separate cars so that you and the kids can leave earlier.
If my response made no sense or doesn't help you at all, I apologize, especially about the length. I wish you luck and hope things work out for you.
2006-11-25 13:39:50 · answer #2 · answered by ♥i KnwUc It♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has a story. My baby died years ago the day after Thanksgiving, another close member is about to die. I had to put my 19 yr old dog to sleep last year. Lost my job, just work temporary- and you think you have problems? Be thankful you have family around, put on a cheery face and go celebrate girl! You turn yourself around and be happy- overly happy, smiley- and just be positive and UP! Don't let it get the better of you!
2006-11-25 13:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by regwoman123 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only problem you have is...ME ME ME...I don't hear you talking about how you try to make the best of a bad situation...I see you complaining about the world around you like it's out of control...but you are an only child...you have a tendancy to be selfish...just relax and try to find the silver linning in your cloud of anger and hatred...Lighten up there is nothing you can do about someone else's lack of consideration for others...you can however try to make the best of it and try to get through this time in your life that is filled with anger and hatred that only comes from you!
2006-11-25 13:26:06 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
take your self and your kids to a shelter and help out find the true meaning of the holiday,it will lift your spirits helping others
2006-11-25 13:21:52 · answer #5 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
boo hoo hoo sounds like somebody is self absorbed at christmas. been how many years? sounds like its time to get over it baby.
2006-11-25 13:26:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hate them also yes you and ur kids are more impotent don't let them be around negative holidays if you all fight i hate them to my family argues over every little thing
2006-11-25 13:23:58 · answer #7 · answered by kingjoey66 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been there myself. why can't you start your own family traditions?It might be a good idea to talk to a therapist.
2006-11-25 13:21:29 · answer #8 · answered by nancy e 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just don't go
2006-11-25 13:51:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋