Teenager went out last night after being told she could not, consequences?

Question

Due to poor attitude and behavior on the way home from Thanksgiving, we told our 18 year old Senior she could not go out with her friends when we arrived home at 11 PM. She got out of the van, got in her car and left anyway. She came back at 2 AM, 1 hour after curfew. What would be the best consequences to give her? She goes to college in another town in the afternoons so she will need to have her car to get there.

Our daughter is in high school, turned 18 last week, would many of you still agree she should have no curfew, just because she turned 18 while still in high school? I thought a Senior should still have a curfew and not just walk out of the house whenever she wanted.

Answer 1

I would take away the keys for a couple of days and then change the rules to go with her age and with school.I would while in high school still have a curfew .during the week it would be 12 midnight as long as she doesn't slack in school.On weekends I would make it 2:00 pm .Now she is 18 you should let her go to a party here n there during the week tops every 2 weeks and just give 1 night if there is a party that you have to have a phone number and address for emergencies and expect and early call and a call around 12:30 to help u feel better and know she is safe if no call then privilege is taken away for a month but she is of age for moving out and she does go to school so your doing something right.Don't forget it's your roof your rules.This is a time to learn how to let go a bit and learn to trust that your daughter can make the right decisions

Answer 2

Hey there! I'm a guy and occasionally have guy's nights too. My wife and I work on weird schedules. I have college and she has work. So we only see each other maybe 6 hours a day - which isn't much. It used to be worse when I was working 17 hour shifts, I said bye to her in the morning and hello to her when she left and I got home. Having a rest and a beer or playing a game on the Xbox or Playstation or just chilling in the pool or taking a hot shower with no one knocking on the door for 20 minutes is nice. Spoil him! Let him know, you are better than his friends - soon the guy's night will soften and become less. I know because my wife did it to me. She spoiled me one time by making me a cheeseplatter (she hates cheese) and spread rose leaves all over the floor to the bathroom, where she lit candles. But then again, I'm a romantic guy - not many out there. Don't ban guy's night - it will just make him mad and upset and guy's night then becomes "forbidden fruit" and he will want to do it anyways... Spoil him and spend a night with him - make it all about him and show him you care. let him know, it's upsetting you but not in a rough way. Write him a letter that tells you how you feel. I always appreciate that because I like reading. I hope this helped

Answer 3

You are responsiible for her legal expenses until she is 21; if she gets in an accident while driving that time of the morning you, as parents, will be expected to pay expenses. Hopefully she isn't driving drunk. You have every right since she is living in YOUR house to set curfews. If she doesn't like it, maybe she'd like to try life on her own? Take the car & the keys and tell her to get to college using public transit. Cut off her allowance, if you're giving her any. No credit cards either. She may be 18 but she doesn't know a thing about the real world. If she doesn't learn what consequences are for her actions it'll make for a tough life for her. She has to learn to follow rules when she's dependent on you for the food she eats and the roof over her head, as well as her gas money. She needs tough love.

Answer 4

Since she is 18 she is an adult legally and is free to come and go as she pleases. I would let her make her own decisions about when she goes out and comes home. An 18 year old should not have a curfew. Let her grow up. I do not find it the least bit unreasonable for an 18 year old to be out until 2 a.m. You are being overly strict and have no legal right to tell her what to do. You will find that her attitude will only get worse and worse if you continue to treat her like a 14 year old. She will lost respect for you. She knows she feels like the adult she is and to have to live with parents who give her consequences when she stays out until 2A.M. will just make her more rebellious. I am 54 now but still remember the terrible anger and resentment I felt towards my parents when they refused to let me make my own decisions about my life when I was 18.

Answer 5

do you have time to take her to her college classes? i believe the best consequences would be to take her car keys and give her a ride. or better still take away her door keys therefore she can only come in when you're at home. Adults take care of themselves. If that is what she wants and she can't obied by the rules then she should be on her own. Which I know it's impossible to let your 18 year old daughter be out and about so therefore she has to obey the rules or suffer the consequences.

Answer 6

No she don't need her car to get there. You can drive her there. She can ride the grey dog to get there. Take her keys, sounds like she has gotten somewhat grown on you while being away at college but that is no excuse for being rude and disobedient.

If she really has to drive herself to school, you can cut off some of her spending money while she is there. There should be consequences for her actions, other than that, there will never be a thing you can tell her whether she is home for a visit, living or away at school.

Nip this behavior in the bud (if this the first time of her showing you she is going to do what she want to do).

Answer 7

You should really take away her cellphone or stop paying for it till she behaves herself.
An 18 year old should be old enough to KNOW how to behave and respect her parents, not just run off right after told she can't go.
I'm about to turn 18 myself and I RESPECT my parents.
If they told me NO even if I don't like it I will do as I am told.
This is simply respect.
Just because she is 18, she still spends YOUR money I suppose?
You bought her the car I assume? You pay for the college in the other town? If you are paying for anything she' s enjoying, she better behave.
And I'm NOT a cranky adult...I'm a teenager just her age myself.
If you don't teach her now...she won't teach her kids.
Parents MUST be strict for the good of their children.
I was brought up by strict parents AND strict gaurdians and I am GLAD they brought me up that way.

Answer 8

Whoa. Yes, assuming that your family lives in the U.S., she is a legal adult. I definitly wouldn't refer to her as a "teenager", either. That means she can pretty much come and go as she pleases and do a lot of other things.
However, I assume that she is living in your house. If you dislike her behavior, I would suggest asking her to move out. All houses have rules, these are yours. Don't make it an issue of parental control, because it isn't. This is an issue of respect.
And I agree with the person above who said that trying to cloister her and control her behavior is only going to serve to make a very resentful 18 year old. My father did the same thing, I moved out when I was 18 exactly and I haven't really had a normal relationship since.

Answer 9

She is 18 years old - you can't stop her from doing anything.
You are no longer in a position that you can dictate what she does and impose rules & regulations on her.

If you bought the car for her, and the vehicle/insurance is in her name then it is her car. If it is a "family" vehicle for her to use as well as anyone else in the family, then you have full authority to remove her access to the vehicle.

I believe that the more you try to control her you will end up losing her or ruining your relationship with your daughter. I am 30 years old and had parents who tried to control me, even after I graduated from high school. I moved out immediately - and we have the best relationship now. Maybe it's time she moves to her own place.

Answer 10

Did she pay for her car, or did you? In the case you did, take away her car for a week... even if that means you have to drive her to keep her committments, or arrange with a responsible ride to school, or wherever she needs to be. But, really, 18 is the age that she should have gotten over the teenage tantrooms. Be firm and let her feel the consequences, talk about the way that makes you feel, and the fact that she should be treating you with respect. Really, if she keeps acting like a kid, you'll have to treat her like one, so it would be in her best interest to grow up and act like a responsible person.