I need help?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost a year now and I love him so much. Lately our relationship has been going up and down. He has a habit of name calling me and of screaming at me. He gets bothered for the littlest mistake that I make and he likes to put me down alot. He tells me that I need to be perfect and I tell him that no one is perfect and then he tells me if no is perfect then how come the word perfect exists in the dictionary? He confuses me alot and for one thing I would never want to be perfect. Other times when I cry because he said something painful to me he doesn't even try to make me happy he just screams in my face and tells me to shut up, he's even called my crying an act and that really makes me mad because all that I ask from him is to show me some respect and for him to care about my feelings. I need help I don't want to divorce him because I would be lost without him. Please anyone out their please help me and give me some advice.

Answer 1

This is a very bad situation you are in. What you are going through is emotional abuse that at some point is highly likely to escalate into physical abuse. I know you say you love this man but for your own safety you need to leave the relationship. Here is my advice;
Leave the relationship and go live with a friend or family member. Tell your husband that his disrespect and anger and emotional abuse is no longer going to be tolerated. At the same time tell him you love him and suggest that the two of you begin marital counseling. As I see it the only way to save this marriage is through intensive marital therapy. He obviously has a lot of issues. What kind of a home was he raised in? If you look at his nuclear family life you will very likely get a good picture of why he is behaving in this fashion.
Good luck to you and I will pray for you. Whatever you do DO NOT bring children into this. It won't fix anything and all you will be doing is subjecting an innocent child to this very dysufunctional life.

Answer 2

Maybe he is going through some tough times at work? Does he come home from work agitated? He could have encountered some trouble and the only way he can let steam off is when he comes home. If i were you i would try to stay out of his way and try and sense when he is in a good mood or not. Maybe you can sit down with him when he is in a good mood and ask him if he is ok, or is there something that has changed since you were married. Men don't always come out and say it if they are experiencing a problem at work or elsewhere, they like to keep it to themselves so that they seem in control.
Maybe as the holiday season is coming up, you could try to take a vacation for a few days together. Leaving behind the usual scenery might be the break that he needs and an opportunity for you both to re-connect.
I hope it works out for you. Best Wishes :)

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your heartache. The first year seems to be the hardest for couples.
Once I was in your shoes, name calling, putting me down, escalated to physical abuse. I divorced him after 4 years, I deserved better than what I was living. So don't you. I don't know why he is acting like that to you, but everyone who has had to endure such treatment realized it was a form of control over the other person. No spouse deserves to be treated that way, husband or wife.
You are right, no one is perfect. Your husband is far from perfect, he needs to work on himself first and foremost. You work on yourself. It seems his self esteem is very low and only he can work on that for himself and not drag you into his self evaluation.
You won't be lost without him, you will feel better about yourself without his daily insults.
I wish you well in your life, you appear to a good head on your shoulders.

Answer 4

I think that what your husband is doing to you is called emotional abuse. It may not be as painful as physical abuse, but it can still leave long-lasting scars. And I don't think that if you divorced him, that you would be lost without him...that is probably something that he has convinced you of through his words to you. The worst that could happen if you left him is that you might meet someone who truly treats you with the love and respect you deserve. And he might wake up and realize that he can't treat women that way, especially one he claims to love.

Please, please seek some help about this--either through a therapist or through a women's shelter or group. There may not be bruises, but this is abuse!

Answer 5

now now there young lady its going to be ok , their is a problem that exesist he work and dosent make a lot at his job an needs help with the bills and other cost this is what he is telling you he gust cannot say it .and is realy upset with himself for it .Obvisiouly you are young in age and laq good comunication skills with each other him more than you that is .note money is allway an ISSUE with couples and marrages. try to help by making some cash or cutting back on needs and wants . rub his back for him and talk about this . O.K>

Answer 6

i maybe am a bit young but i know wat ur goin through. my parents hav it sorta but not this bad.(no offence) u need to b strong if he tells u to shut up,or any other rude thing, stick up 4 urself and tell him not 2 tlk 2 u that way. if he asks u 2 b perfect tell him that then he has 2 b perfect 2. y should u hav 2 try and try to please him if he isnt pleazin u?

Answer 7

Your husband is mentally and emotionally abusing you. Find a shelter and get out. Unless he is willing to recognize that he has a problem and get counselling for it, then it will continue and probably get worse. Get out now!!! I lived in this hell and it isn't worth it and it doesn't get better. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to get out... you aren't going to change him, but you can protect yourself.

Answer 8

look u need 2 talk 2 him and ask him wats his problem dat if he doesnt wanna be wit u 2 let u know so ya can break just tell him dat even though u dont mean it and u not gonna do it but just see wat he tells u stand up 4 urself dont let him push u around cuz da more u let him do wat ever the **** u want it gives him da power 2 keep on treting u like dat cuz he sees u not doing anyhting about it.

Answer 9

It hurts me to hear you cry ! You have a choise to make , take care of yourself !

Answer 10

counseling or divorce. sounds like the verbal abuse could turn into pysical