If stepparents have no right to correct or disapline, should they just step to the back and do nothing?

Question

One thing that I have noticed on here, when someone asks a question about stepkids, there are alot of people that give advice who have the belief that stepparents have no authority and should not be involved in correcting or disaplining their stepkids. I personally disagree, as do the people I know in my private life who are stepparents. So I find it hard to believe that Yahoo Answers in a real representation of how most stepparents believe. If a friend of your childs was spending the night with your kid and lets say they pulled the cats tail, would you not correct them immediatly, simply because you aren't their parent? Kids need to be corrected immediatly after they do something unacceptable. As it is, teachers and pricipals have the right to do this, but it seems that if a stepparent does it, they are wrong. I understand that remarriage of a parent can be difficult on a kid, but they still need to respect the adult authority in their lives, even if it is a stepparent.

I am not talking about spankings or groundings. I am talking about when a child does or says something in front of the stepparent, and the step parent takes the opportunity to tell them what is and what is not allowed in that home. I think that children at times can be very minipulative, and if they are not made to think of a stepparent or even a real parent as an authority figure, then they will continue to try to get away with stuff. I agree that my husband should be the primary disapliner of the stepkids in my house, but if I see or hear something that he doesn't or that he doesn't address, then I feel it is up to me to let my stepkids know what will and will not be tolerated in our home.

And as far as checking with the full time parent, in many cases, including my husbands, this is not an option. It has been tried in the past many times, and she and her husband do not view my husband as a "real" parent. They go out of their way to create tension between my husband and his kids, and they have never backed him up in the past, so there is no reason to believe they will do anything in the future. I mean, they encourage the kids to call my husband by his first name and have told him that he is not the "boss" that they are. So if the mom isn't trying to instill respect for my husband and I, I think it is up to us to do it while they are in my house.

Answer 1

i agree with you 100%.

Answer 2

I totally agree with you. StepPARENT is the word. Key part is PARENT and I feel they should have authority, if the child is living in their home especially. Even if they only come every other weekend, they must play by both parent and stepparents house rules. If they dont they should be disciplined in some way.

I am not a stepparent nor do I have stepparents but my mother has been dating and living with a man for 23 years and I treat him with the upmost respect and when he told me to do something or not do something as a child I listened. Its called respect and I think a lot of kids now a days have no clue what that is

Answer 3

I think it depends on the situation. I do believe that the children should respect the step parent and I think that the step parent needs to get that respect from them. But it is important that the parent back the step-parent, because if not the child will run all over them. But it also depends on how much the child is around the step parent is it full time because if so then you should be able to discipline them not hitting but telling them to go to there room and time outs. But all the parents need to be on the same page

Answer 4

Most stepparents come into relationships with the goal of taking on an active role in their step children's lives. They in no way seek to replace the original parent, but rather assume some responsibility for the child(ren). The couple should discuss the boundaries of parenting and the children should be humble and accept the arrangement unless the arrangement is unhealthy for any involved.(My opinion)

Answer 5

I totally agree with you.. I'm not a parent but i feel that society is giving the kids too many rights and as a results parents have no say in their kids lives. Step-parents are playing the role of a parent in a childs life so yes should disapline their stepchildren as if they were disaplining their own children...
We need more parents to help structure the community.

Answer 6

Most of the time, YES
No- It's not up to you to instill anything in your step kids.

People please take note of the issues you put your kids though when you remarry. Children are part of the package. Real parents will never put their relationship needs in front of their children.

Can a person really say they are marrying the step kids as well as their new husband or wife. This meaning they TRULY unconditionally love these kids no matter what, they put their needs first, not because they have to but because they truly want to. Every consequence they enforce is TRULY done so for the well being of the child. They don't consider these kids step kids but their kids. If they have children they consider their step kids, equal to their kids. Unless your one of those rare few, stay out of the discipline.

That is the true test of all tests. If you can ask yourself those questions and TRULY answer correctly then I see no problem with step parents enforcing consequences.

The problem is that of the hundred plus step families I know, THREE, ONLY THREE FAMILY'S I WOULD QUALIFY TREATING THEIR OWN CHILDREN THE SAME AS THEIR STEP KIDS. (side note - of those three, all are have adopted children in the past, and have adopted their step kids, so I think it's a certain mentality you need to have for the job) Fact of the matter is that most step parents see their new step kids as little more then a pain in the rear, who interferes with "their new marriage" So ya I think most step parents are scum. I worry more about the children's well being, I could give a dam about parents thinking they need to be remarried, RAISE YOUR KIDS, once your kids are 18 fine, go get remarried.

Answer 7

If the step parent is the active parent in the childs life, for example, the stepmother who lives with the child full time, of course they have the right, and duty to raise the child.

If its a part time step parent who only sees the child on the weekend, i think its better to work with the full time parents to find out what they do, for the sake of the child. Its hard enough growing up in two families without having two completely different sets of rules and consequences. Its just common sense as a parent to check with the full time parents before stepping in.

Answer 8

This can be a sticky situation but i believe that a step parent shouldn't do nothing when their step child does something wrong, as long as they are not physically man handeling them. I also believe that it is their real parent(s) responsibility to tell their child what is expected of them towards their step parent. If their is tention between the child and step parent that is a major issue that needs to be delt with by means of a counsler or some type of mediator if it can't be resolved between the two of them.

Answer 9

Every step parent does have the right to disipline a child, but it depends on why and how you go about it. Every child should be scolded when found doing wrong or else they won't know the difference. Whoever says otherwise really has no right, because they are not the one in your shoes. Just remember if the child is going through a hard time, be gentle their heart is probably torn and they can get rebellious.

Answer 10

I know from experience that you one of the hardest and most thankless responsibilities in the world. Take heart. Everybody's situation is different and finding a disciplinary balance is hard even for blood parents. Loving a child includes appropriate discipline and direction. You have every right to have rules in your home respected by everyone who lives there. And you have every right to step in when they are violated.

Answer 11

you are very right. While i don' believe the step parent has the right to physically dicipline the child they should have the right to correct the child and offer some forms of punishment, i.e. time out, grounding, loss of some privilege- but they should discuss this with their spouse BEFORE the issue comes up at all and they should set boundaries of what is right and wrong for the child to do and what is right and wrong as far as step parent dicipline. Because the step parent is still a parent- just not the biological one.