does he need counseling?

Question

my little brother is 4 years 8 months. I have another brother who is 7 years 10 months. My 4 year old brother likes to fight. He got in a fight his first day of day care. He's a preschooler now and he's never gotten into a fight at school. My 7 year old brother is a little immature for his age and he's about the same level as the 4 year old. (if not a lower level) he's not retarded tho. my 4 year old brother fights a lot at home. He's always beating up the 7 year old and I'm getting tired of breaking up fights. He even fights me and my parents. Of course we reprimand him, but he won't stop. Just a few minutes ago, he was about to hit my 7 year old brother with a vaccum cleaner outlet cord. I yelled at him, so he threated to kill me....again. He's really nice at times, but most of the times he's just rough and wants to fight people. Plus, he doesn't listen. Do you think he's going through some phase or does he need professional help?

He gets the most attention in the house.

Answer 1

He needs consistant parenting, and therapy.

All of you should get family counseling. Children dont just come up with this behavior. Its allowed in them by inconsistant parenting, or ineffective parenting.

Get help for everyone, so everyone can best know how to help him.

Answer 2

Your brother needs to be evaluated. These are signs of ADHD. It is very difficult to deal with, and your older brother has problems from the abuse the younger one is giving him. Talk mom into taking him to see a therapist so that something can be done. My boss waited until her son was 8 years old, and the younger son has emotional problems from being hit all the time. No matter what type of punishment is given to the older one, it is a constant struggle every day. He behaves the very same way your 4 year old brother does. Now imagine your little brother 8 years old, and fighting everyone at your house. We actaully have been injured by him. He hit me in the mouth with his head when he was the age of your brother and broke one of my front teeth out. As for his parents spanking him? He becomes more belligerent and angry, and it has not helped him. Neither has time outs, witholding rewards, giving rewards, nothing works.

Answer 3

HE does not need counseling. He wants attention and found a way to get it.

The parents (and possibly you to an extent) need help in understanding what is going on and how to deal with it. Counseling is one option. Learning about programs like 'Love and Logic' or other behavior-based parenting classes is another.

The 4 year old needs to know the consequences of his behaviors. Right now, the consequence is getting attention and generating excitement in a family where the kids outnumber the parents- is this a negative consequence?

My wife is a 'Love and Logic' teacher and her suggestion is to be very sad and empathetic and shake your head slowly as you tell the boy something like "This is so sad. People who hit cannot be around other people" as you usher him into a quiet place.

The psychology is important. You are saddened by his bad actions, but YOU are not sorry for them. The big 'thing' for Love and logic is that you only have so much energy and if you have to deal with things like this, then you don't have energy left to do fun stuff for or with the child.

Another thing would be that once you've been hit, you (oh, so very sadly) don't have the energy left to do something he likes. "Its very sad, but I don't have enough energy left to read to you tonight because I am still sore and tired from being hit. Maybe tomorrow. Goodnight."

Understand that there is a whole series of subtleties and 'whys' that this very brief blurb omits.

Answer 4

Yes, he does need counseling...there is something that has triggered this behavior and with a professional's help, you can find out what it is. If you try to ignore the behavior, it's going to get worse. It is not normal for you or your other family members to be threatened and hit by a 7 year old. Most children that go through the "hitting" phase understand why it's not okay to hit and the consequences for the behavior. It seems that your brother does not understand or does not care and its best you find professional help. I suggest you do this ASAP!

Answer 5

I know it can be difficult to ignore bad behaviour, but he needs to be removed when violent are threatening violence so he is away from the rest of the family, with as little communication as possible, just a "you are being removed until you have calmed down and can apologise"
This way he wont be getting the most attention in the house, he gets the attention for these things. If it reduces right down for the naughty things that will help. Then praise needs to be really great and encouraging when he does something nice or well, foe anything, even silly things. Such as.... thats a lovely cuddle, I'm really enjoying that.......what a beatiful picture.....you tried really hard im proud of you etc......
I know its hard and it will take perseverance and time. Gotta be worth a go though.
My daughter sometimes has tantrums and I let her as long as she isnt hurting herself or anyone else, I tell her that its ok to be angry but that hurting people isnt the right way to deal with it. I encourage her to deal with it in a positive way, such as kicking a football about really hard or by being on her own until she has calmed down and is ready to talk if she wants. Of course this doesnt always work, nothing is 100%. It shows her that anger is natural and that there are good ways and bad ways to deal with it.
Good luck.

Answer 6

what the child needs is Jesus, and a good but whipping. he only fights you guys because you are not doing anything to stop him hes not afraid of you. i would recommend the next time he tries to fight you fight back fight the child like a man because he needs to learn you need to intimidate him make him scared of you and tell your mother and father to use the belt. for your brother i feel sorry for him if he gets beat up by a 4 year old so i would advise the 7 year old to use a plastic bat and semi knock him out. after you beat him up show him some love and tell him why you knocked him out so he can learn that you dont play. teach him that fighting is wrong and saying bad things hurt. trust me this will work

Answer 7

Obviously your parents "reprimandments" are not effective. Violence for a 4 year old is not normal and by the time he's 13 if he continues on this route he is likely to be in a gang. I'm sorry but your parents need to take more responsibility and get this boy counseling and punish him more effectively

Answer 8

Maybe he is angry, and acting out. try the "naughty spot" every time he hits, he has to sit in the Naughty spot. he will not listen to you at first, and keep getting up. that's where your Patience kick in. you will have to keep sitting him back down, and in a stern, but calm voice tell him " you hit, you sit in the naughty spot" he is four so he has to sit for 4 minutes ( 1 min per year) but he has to sit for the whole four minutes. when he gets done with his time out, he must apologize to whom ever he hit, or for what he has done. kneel down to him, so that you are at his level, standing over a child is intimidating and threatening. after a while your patience ( hopefully) will pay off. also start a reward system for him ( and your other brother as well) when my 5 year old does her chores, brushes her teeth, picks up her toys ( what ever she is supposed to do) i give her a ( fake) flower to put in her flower vase. when she reaches ten flowers she gets something form the dollar store. however, if she does something mean ( like a tantrum) i take a flower out of her vase. no matter how you decide to deal with it CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY! do not teach not to hit by hitting. it just doesn't make sense. And if nothing you try works, counseling wouldn't hurt either. Good luck!

Answer 9

I have a 3 year old that is doing the same thing (not as bad though) but I got worried so I took him to his doctor and she set him up with so professional help and it seems to help and he always a hyper active which calls for meds but nothing to serious so talk with your parents and let them know right now is the time to get help or they will regret it in the future. Hope this helped and Gob Bless Your Family

Answer 10

Kids need boundaries set for them. If your parents aren't setting boundaries for him, he could be pushing to get those boundaries set. It's a scary world for a young child and they need to know that they aren't set adrift and alone.

For a child, any attention even if it's punishment is better than no attention at all.