I've know for several months that my daughter in moving to FL which is atleast 16 hrs. away to go to college for her PHD; her oldest child is the light of my life (my 1st grandchild) we've spend alot of time together. Now that the time is getting clooser for them to move it is starting to really lay heavy on my heart. I know that since she is the oldest of 3, she does alot of the housework and gets less attention than the other 2 boys who have a different father. My daughter and him live together. When she is with me which is getting to be less often since they are moving soon; she tells me things that break my heart and I feel that she is very unhappy with the ways she gets punished and treated. She feels left out since her brothers are 3 and 3 months. She has to share a bedroom with the 3 yr. old and can't play with her dolls and toys when she want too because of him and they stay in the closet alot. Am I being too selfish to wish she could live with me which is impossible?
2006-11-25 03:31:06 · 6 answers · asked by Demetria S 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My oldest grand daughter is 8 years old.
2006-11-27 03:37:36 · update #1
Give her a going away present of stationary, envelopes and stamps and start a correspondence with her. Keep her letters to you in a scrapbook and show them to her when you visit. Call often, if you can afford it. These are just a couple of ways you can continue to give her support and encouragement, and her love for you will stay strong.
2006-11-25 03:38:57 · answer #1 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being selfish, you just have a very strong bond with your granddaughter. When they all move away, you can keep in touch and still have an impact on her and let her know that if she ever needs to talk to you, to call you. Give her a phone card before she moves, for this very purpose. That way she can call you and talk to you and continue to stay connected. I wouldn't worry too much about the things she has to do around the house. That is all just part of growing up and being a help to her mom. It will teach her some life skills that will help her later in life. It is never "fun" for a child to have to do those things, so her complaining to you is just her way of venting her feelings. Plus, you are only hearing one side of the story. If she is able to have someone to talk to then that is helpful for her and that doesn't necessarily have to change when she moves.
2006-11-25 03:45:23 · answer #2 · answered by godsgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not selfish at all in wishing your granddaughter could live with you. In fact, you care very deeply for her, in a giving sort of way. Your story is very sad... I know how it feels to lose the oldest grandchild, as I lost mine to cancer when he was seven years old. It's so very hard to let them go when you have bonded with them.
Would your daughter consider letting you move close to them, and would it suit you? It might be a good idea to discuss your feelings with her, without letting slip what your granddaughter has related to you about the treatment she receives. Perhaps, if you can't manage the move, you could arrange to have her with you for holidays or something? Also, let your granddaughter know that if she ever has any problems she can't discuss with her Mom or Dad, then you are always there for her, willing to listen and discuss things. Allow her to call you "collect" at any time she feels the need. Keep close contact with her and support her in everything she does... send her little notes asking about her progress and little cards of well wishes. You don't state her age, and the call advice could be invalid here, but if she is too young to call you, maybe call her from time to time to check out how things are going.
I really feel for you here, but there's always a way where love is concerned. Keep faith and good luck.
2006-11-25 03:58:52 · answer #3 · answered by Darkwing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's breaking your heart, but you really haven't got a say in it. You raised your daughter, not let her raise her kids.
get a part time job and save $$$ so u can make flight trips out to see them. Never know, if u ask, your daughter may let her stay.
2006-11-25 03:40:14 · answer #4 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it isn't selfish. talk to your daughter about it. maybe there can be a compromise.
2006-11-25 03:41:42 · answer #5 · answered by sam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask your daughter if she could stay with you.
2006-11-25 03:44:04 · answer #6 · answered by jen j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋