What can I say to my Dad?

Question

I want to bridge this gap between us. 8 yrs ago my parents paid for a truck from a friend, left it sit behind his garage, the friend's son borrowed a part off of it in an emergency, before it could be replace my dad found out about this "theft" and demanded the part be replaced or his money be returned. There was this huge arguement about storage fees while it sat behind the garage and lots of bad words said. 3 years ago I began dating the son, who happened to be an old high school sweetheart. I got pregnant, my dad stopped talking to me, my boyfriend proposed and we are now married. He did not attend my wedding, and that hurt. He has said that my youngest son is not his grandchild but continues to love my oldest two from a previous marriage, and this hurts! I know I let him down and it seems like I have taken "sides" with this family, I still love my father and I want him to at least accept my child if not my husband too. What do I say to him after we have hurt each other so badly?

Thank you all for your opinions....as for the truck, my father left it there and wanted nothing more to do with it....my husband has tried talking to him and apologixing, even tried to pay my dad back....and has been told repeatedly "NO". He continues to ignore my child, who is now 19 months old, and show affection towards the other two. My mother is pushing me to fix this and I am all out of ideas.

To bordasimus: you need to get your facts straight before you begin to judge ppl....1. I am an adult and 2. birth control isn't 100% effective, I know from experience!

Answer 1

Dear Jessica,
I'm sorry.

Pray about the broken relationship and be patient with your dad.
For the time being just send holiday cards or Thinking About You cards and don't expect anything for the time being.

When something your son does reminds you of your dad, write a note and tell him about it. Send a picture. Be genuine. Love him.

Above all draw near to your heavenly Father who loves you, your husband, your son and your dad.

Answer 2

What ended up happening with the truck? Was the part replaced or was the money returned? If that problem was not rectified then of course your dad is still out of sorts about the whole marriage thing. To him, they are his enemies.

Your husband should have gone to him in the first place if for nothing more than to talk to him and ask him for your hand in marriage. Fathers seem to love that and feel apart of giving permission and his blessing.

It may sound petty to both of you but that truck thing was major to your dad and apparently it was never settled.

Sit down with your father and express to him how important he is to you and your family and how much more important he is than a raggedy old truck from 8 years ago.

Take baby steps with him as far as the husband is concerned and when the baby comes, take the baby to see his granddaddy. Once he lays eyes on that precious baby and everyone convinces him that the baby has a feature of his, he will come around.

Tell your daddy that if you are ever financially able, you would love nothing more than to buy him a truck from your husband to try to make up for the misunderstanding that took place 8 years ago.

Send him cards and flowers expressing your love for him and the fact that your family need him to be involved.

One more thing, you or your husband call and ask his advice on how to do something around your house. Tell him you want his opinion or his expertise to how to do something. That might help to break the ice.

Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Jessica, you did not let your father down sweetheart, you simply fell in love. Your father is stubborn and I'm sure this is not his first time displaying this typed of behavior. He probably has road rage too.
You mentioned two children from a prior marriage. You said he loves these children very much. However, it would not be fair to allow him to continue a relationship with them after the newborn is here when he's already stated he's having nothing to do with the new baby. If he is not going to accept your innocent new child as his grandchild, then I would forbid him to see the other two. The children will understand if you explain that grandpa has bad behavior right now. He's got to love all three and not just two. Of course the situation hurts, but you can never change anyone but yourself. I hope your husband paid for the part he wrongly took off the truck long ago. As far as the feud between your father and your father in-law; that's between them and they can resolve it in Small Claims court. You however, have nothing to do with it. I would'nt even discuss it if you were in conversation with him and he brought it; I'd hang up the phone. He is toxic to you and he is on fire that (in his mind) you defied him and chose his enemy over him. He is ill with hate, and God is with him whether he knows it or not. God gives us our children and our job is to teach them about God and to prepare them for the day to leave the nest. Children are not given to us forever. You father has only hurt himself by cutting you out of his life. People that do such drastic things out of anger, end up abusing their bodies because rage turns into high blood pressure that leads to stroke and heartattacks.
There's nothing more for you to do except to be happy with your new family. Loving your new in-laws does not mean you do not love your father. Move on with your life - what happened is in the past.

Answer 4

It's sad that your dad isn't begin adult enough to let something go. But let him know that if he won't accept your husband or the new kid then he can't see your other two kids. That regardless of his feelings toward your husband you love him-your dad too, and you choose to be happy. You don't need his approval of your husband to be happy-but his grandchild will ask why his grandfather sees his two older siblings and not him. If he chooses to still hold a grudge then it's on your dad-if he rather remain bitter about something that has already happen then move on and enjoy his three grandchild and maintain a relationship with you, then you can't do anything. I hope things work out, though.

Answer 5

My word!!! Talk about carrying a grudge!! How utterly immature of your father. I say, go to the auto parts place and buy him the darned part.

Personally, I would not let him have contact with the other two children if he cannot accept the youngest. That child is blood of your blood. Blood of his blood. I would not subject my other two children to someone who is so petty. It is better they not know the grandfather at all, then to realize just how small a man he is.

I know this is a hard tact to take. I know that you love your father. But, just because we love someone does not mean that we have to agree with them.

Your father will have to come to understand that there are no "sides". This is your life. Hopefully, he will eventually see that he is the only one still fighting that battle, and that there is no one fighting back.

Answer 6

The fact that he would allow his anger at you and your husband to carry over to emotional abuse of his own innocent grandchild tells me that you are better off NOT having him in your life. What a disgusting, immature as$ he is!

If it were me, I wouldn't let him have any contact with my other two children either. I'd tell him to rethink his life, and when he's ready to love all his grandchildren equally, then you MIGHT consider letting him back into their lives. What a pig!

Answer 7

you did not take side. you grew up. its to bad your father hasnt. you cant make your father love this child.but what you could do is tell him that it hurts the child when he acts this way. the child has nothing to do with what went on. tell your father that it is time to end all of this. maybe if you and your husband paid the money fot this car part or what ever it is he is asking for things will get better.

Answer 8

You could tell him your sorry for all of the ugly things that were said and tell him that you love him and you want to go back to the way things were. Just tell him how much you love him and always will and let him know how much you are hurting. Hope everything works out for you and your family.

Answer 9

there are many ways to talk to him like " dad i know i hurt you badly and im realy sorry that was a very bad thing i did but you are still my dad i loved that guy and married him and after some while you are going to have grandchildren and i said all this so you will know that i love you"
try to say that with feelings i think its gonna work
good luck

Answer 10

Sounds to me like a sit-down heart-to-heart family meeting is long overdue with all those involved (without the kids though). It is sad how a minor infraction involving THINGS majorly wrecks relationships between PEOPLE. Everyone suffers.