How do you learn to be more open and forget other's negative remarks?

Question

I tend to be a closed person and want to learn to be more communicative. I feel pity on myself most of the time.

I have gone through a lot of problems in my life and feel that others look down on me.

I was in an abusive marriage and now am still talking to my ex-husband in the hopes that he will change. He is still the same and still puts me down. I feel sad and depressed and can not face people after talking to him.

I was supposed to join some friends for Thanksgiving, but did not stay for dinner or could not return their love when they approached me in a hug. I could still hear my ex-husband's comments in my head - saying that I am just a survivor or filler at parties. I am not a leader in life and people just feel pity on me and so call me to their house.

I don't know how to erase his words from my mind and feel that I am okay person.

Answer 1

First of all, the best thing to do now is to NEVER speak to your ex again. You were in an abusive marriage, the best word in there is "were". You are not in an abusive marriage anymore, and it is very clear to me that he is still controlling you by tearing you down emotionally when you talk with him. He will not change, no one can make him change. The only person you can change is yourself. You need to be your own best friend now, and use your nurturing to fix yourself, not him. You seem to be an intelligent woman, and you are obviously very caring and loving. I wish I could have had you at my Thanksgiving, we would have had a real good time. I would have told you how I was married to an abusive controlling man, and when I left him, my life got so much better. There was nothing wrong with me, he was a mean and arrogant man who used me to get whatever he wanted. If he saw me starting to smarten up or get get some help, he would become extremely abusive to shove me back down again. It was like being a hostage. Please believe me when I say that your ex knows you are still trying to change him, and so he is letting you try while he continues to try to break you down. He will just get meaner and nastier to you, so please let him go. Once you decide to make it a clean break, I promise your life will get better. Hang around with people you can trust, people who are positive and fun to be around. He may try to stay in contact to aggravate you some more, don't let him waste another minute of your life. You deserve someone who will love you, respect you, nurture you and want to see you happy. Good luck.

Answer 2

They are two ways to be open and forget negativity . Being in love is a short term answer. Being in a support group is the best. Few can develop a mental philosophy early in life that works. We need to learn there are two groups in society and know which one we are in. The winner-players are by far the majority and the outsiders or survivors are lesser group. Suicide is always changing the numbers. Do not expect to belong to a church and also be a player if you don't know the hand signs. The second vocabulary and hand signs are preached from the front and the winners take their ques. For those that are looked down upon the end result is depression for the outsider. They will become seriously ill someday unless the outcast/filler can manage her aura. This is a lifetime battle and it will destroy her . How we are made and the electrical forces in the body makes this life what it is. Even though some smart people play the games to the death they didn't invented it. Stay with the depression people on line and learn more.

Answer 3

ok. First off, I want to let you know that what your husband said were just total rubbish. You feel you are okay but somehow memories of what he said do still haunt you and thus letting you feel inferior or some sort. Alrighty, whenever that though arises in your mind or heart, just do not pay attention to it. Think of what he said is useless and won't affect you in any way. Think that you CAN actually be the leader and life of a party he thought you couldn't. Embrace the love that others feel for you and do not be afraid to return their love. He probably said such negative things about you due to his temper and lack of thinking before speaking.

One more thing- I know what you've been doing to try change his attitude is good and all, but if you've been trying to do so for a very long period of time, and yet he hasn't changed a bit, then i advise you its best to stop doing so as all your effort will just go down the drain.

All the best :))

Answer 4

You'll never get over it if you hold on to his words. You are what you think about yourself. If you tell yourself that you are a filler then that's what your mind is going to make you become. Try to repeat, I'm the life of the party over and over in your head. Have a smile on your face when you walk in a you'll see how different people will look at you and treat you. People like being around caring fun people who bring positive energy to them. Try being positive more and not thinking about the negative. It will take time to change but you can do it. Good Luck

Answer 5

You will Never get the Answer in this Forum. You are in desperate need of psychotherapy. Look around at the organizations in your community, especially ones that are for "abused and battered women". You are no different then them. Verbal abuse can last an entire lifetime! and you need professional help. 1:Stop communicating with your ex now! 2: Join a "church" group/Community group/Volunteer at something you like.3: A great way to build self-confidence is to join a Community Play House or Theatre Group. 4: See a Professional and get Help. 5,6,7,8,9 - STOP COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR EX! Move ON - Good Luck....remember - no one can help you if you don't want to help yourself....

Answer 6

When you have a cup with some wine in it, you have to possibilities to approach it. The negative one, by saying “what a pity, it’s only half full”, or the positive thinking, by saying “beautiful, I still have half the wine to drink”
Yet the quantity of wine in the cup has not been modified.
Your negative attitude has been modified, become a positive one.
You need to pay no attention to other people’s negative comments about you, go out and smile, and thank God because you are alive. And meet people who genuinely may like you and start enjoying life.
Curious98

Answer 7

Dear, ur ex is an ex for a reason. He is a negative influence, and is not doing anything to help ur esteem. He is not likely to change, so erase that thought from ur mind. He apparently enjoys the mental anguish that he is inflicting on u, and u r allowing him to continue to do it. People who don't want u around don't invite u to their houses. U do have some genuine friends who seem to care about u not spending a holiday alone. Get ur butt in therapy to help u get out of the rut that u r in, and see a dr about ur depression.

Answer 8

He destroyed your self respect

Your former has degraded you, humiliated you and took away your self worth and self esteem.

I will inform you of this... You are a Human being and therefore capable of great things in your life. You can give....You can receive.

Stay away from that person whom you married. He is not good for you and perhaps no other woman.

Surround your self with positive people. Seek assistance from a Group that deals with Abused women.

In time, those words will become just a bad memory.

Good Luck and God bless you

Mav

Answer 9

Go to college. You will warm up to people in your classes. You can start with one class--get to know the professor and she/he will help you succeed. My ex husband made me feel stupid and ugly. Going to classes and making new contacts has made me feel like I am amazing. When you feel bad about yourself you hate other people. We hate in others what we hate in ourselves.

Get healthy! Less sugar, less TV. Read books that stretch your mind. Decorate one corner of your living space to make it beautiful. You aren't really stuck where you are--you are playing a tape in your mind over and over of negative thoughts. Record a new tape-even if you don't believe it at first.

If I could pull out of the hell I was in, then anybody can. Don't give up--you really are amazing. Even if we live in a world full of amazing people (which we do), it doesn't take away from our amazingness!

Answer 10

Don't ever talk to him again. He's your ex-husband so you must have found a way of divorcing him. Use that strength to love yourself. Remember, one day it will all be over, so you owe it to yourself to enjoy life while you have it. Surround yourself with people who care about you and love you. They exist. Let them in. Aren't you tired of feeling bad all the time? It's also boring. It's more interesting being happy and sharing happy times with others.