I split with my b/f a couple of weeks ago, and this morning he came round to collect something, but stayed for coffee. We had a great conversation about stuff - there was a lot of heart melting eye contact and at the end before he left he hugged me, but it wearnt any hug, it was warm, and meaningful. He also told me that he'd been bottling up how he's been feeling, but he's hurting still - though he was the one that decided that we both shouldn't get back together.
(we split over a few differences we had) I can't bare being without him.
Should i mention the hug? or just leave it. if i was to bring it up - what can i say without sounding like i'm pressuring him to get back? Thanks.
2006-11-25 01:06:24 · 21 answers · asked by bonjovi1987rocks 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
the guy who asked about the split and the differences, thats so sweet that you are eager in helping me,thank you so much.
Well the differences were that he never cared when he'd say something hurtful, he never made enough effort to see me,i have a son which he never really did much with him except put him to bed- and we NEVER went out or done anything together.it was always round my place. and he wasn't considerate of my feelings.i never got a token of his love - like i kept hinting for a small cheap bunch of flowers-never got em. The problems i caused were-constantly nagging about my problems i had with him, which i can now see how annoying i that must've been. but those things wearnt getting resolved at all so thought it was best we just took a break for a bit - he thought i meant 'break up' so when i said i was ready to give it another shot - he said no - i wanted this ive got it. its over. And after two weeks of severe heartache on both sides, the above happens and Im confused.
2006-11-25 02:33:01 · update #1
it means ex boyfriend stuff...........
oh i see, well it looks like he might want to get back together, but it works two ways,... you've both got a decision to make...
good luck.... and i would mention the hug.......
good luck matey
2006-11-25 01:08:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he wants to get back to you, one would hope he has recognised his failings - but, as he didn't bring you that bunch of flowers when he called round, I guess he hasn't.
It sounds as if, if you did get back together, things would revert to how they were before, and the same old issues would cause problems between you. Do you want that?
Don't go thinking that eventually it will work out - I made that mistake and now I'm with someone who never shows me any affection. If your guy isn't doing this now, he's going to do it even less as the years go by. The problems don't go away, we just learn to ignore them and live with them. If you need affection and are starved of it, pretty soon you will feel like something is dying inside you.
It's hard to break up because all the routines of your lives have to change - and it may not be that you miss each other, but that you miss the company of another adult.
If this guy doesn't want to get back together, and it sounds like he doesn't, then move on - if you ask him and he says no, it's going to hurt even more isn't it? Maybe the visit and the hug were just what he was doing as a friend rather than a partner, making sure you were OK after the break-up? He doesn't realise that he has given mixed messages by doing this. Maybe you need to explain this to him.
And, do you really want your son to grow up and learn that this is how relationships are, how a man should treat a woman, or a child, for that matter? Is your ex the example you would like your son to follow? If not, you have your answer, don't you?
Don't kid yourself, you can live without this man if you really want to. It's hard, and I feel for you, but if you've been bringing up a child on your own, you are one strong and able lady - go prove!
2006-12-01 10:45:50 · answer #2 · answered by fallen angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that all sounds quite positive. The hug, you want him back, great conversation. Perhaps you should post up some more of the gritty stuff so we can help you sort it out. What I'd like to know is about the differences and why he decided on the split.
Go on - it'd be nice to help 2 people get back together who sound like they actually have something going for each other!
Hmmm.
Sounds like you needed something more from him than he was AT THAT TIME capable or experienced at giving. But there must be some reason for you to love him so I'm guessing he can't have been all bad.
Let things go quiet, get on with your life but an sms once a week max just to let him know the doors not locked (if you get my drift). maybe he'll come round to understanding what you want. which btw you should make more clear - men and hints just don't work, everybody knows that.
:-)
2006-11-25 02:15:06 · answer #3 · answered by charlie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even after a break up no matter how bad it was, people still have feelings for each other. As soon as you break up feelings don't disappear, it takes time for feelings to go away. Seriously you should give him time, he's in a state where he needs to decide if he wants to be with you or what. He doesn't want you to hate him so he's trying to maintain a good break up. Give him the space he needs before proceeding with anything. Then see where your head is at, if you still love him and want him then ask him if you two can start over. Good-Luck!!!
2006-11-25 01:17:23 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't pressure him. I broke up with my boyfriend and I noticed that he was more concerned about me after the fact then while we were together. He kept offering his help and being nice to me. I think guys like to chase women including the one they brake up with. To tell you that one day, while broken up, I touched his face while driving, and he got an erection. (sorry for being blunt). Then we got back together (while it lasted), and I didn't get that same reaction.
Seriously, don't read to much into it. He is confused and not ready to settle. He may be just trying to find closure, or have an open relationship. Perhaps he has someone else in mind to date and while being with you it may be like being married.
My honest advise, which it was hard for me to do is, give the guy some room. Don't call him, or invite him over, if he insists, just don't let him in. If you make it easy for him to take you for granted, and to come and go as he pleases, then he will use you. He will date whom ever his likes by braking up with you, and when things don't work out, he will know you will be waiting for him. Based on your question, you are a very intelligent girl, and I'm sure you can do much better. Play it smart so that you wont get hurt like I did, in the long run. Let him chase you and give him a good run for his interests (or money as it is said).
Good luck and date others.
I just read Annie's response and she is correct. I am going through the same agony and my b/f is now undecided. I was nagging him about our relationship with no solution and now he is finding all of my faults, saying I judge him and criticize him. He doesn't see the good side of me. Well, I have my faults too. I'm not very happy now, I am just stresses out and upset. I don't know where my heart is anymore. I think I lost it between him and all of his girlfriends that he met by being jealous. I still think my b/f misses them and I resent him for that. My b/f has not been a good b/f either. We got back together 8 months ago and all I have received is a dozen roses on my b-day, which were nice, but no card. He didn't plan any surprice gift or anything. On the day after we got back together he emails this other women that he "misses her lots", and later commits himself to go filming movie or video called Sweat for two days with her. He was committed to spend time with her and take vacation without even discusing it with me first. Sorry for this huge tangent... Listen to what Annie wrote, she's has the solution. This way you wont get hurt like I did.
2006-11-25 01:19:38 · answer #5 · answered by Treasure 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why don't you write him a letter and tell him how you feel and how much you miss him, also tell him that you feel your differences could be sorted out, and if he isn't interested in giving it another go how much you would like him to be still in your life as just a friend, maybe you could take things slow and talk over stuff instead of bottling them up tell him he can tell you anything and you wont get mad give him the confidence to confide in you and then he won't bottle things up any more good luck i hope he says he will give it another try
2006-11-25 01:54:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
be true to urself and to him
maybe pen down a letter or
arrange to meet up NO physical contact and talk str8fwdly to him
tell him exactly WAT u think and how u feel
ONLY after ur done - let him speak
honestly u guys shud talk!
if its true love ur differences can be put aside or be confrontd bt without ne difficulties.. being in a relationship is about acceptin ppl the way they r and not trying to change stuff...
also maybe ur hung up on him.. give it smetime Bfre u decide to go back and talk to him - time is an excellent healer - who knows u mite find sme1 new or find that u dont need him at all even!
give urslf a break n go party! :)
2006-11-25 01:12:30 · answer #7 · answered by YabbaJabba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both still care for each other why break up over a few differences???
if you are serious about each other you will be able to work them out --- you both need to sit down see what each of you want from a relationship and take it from there
dont give up on something that may be very special
2006-11-25 01:11:42 · answer #8 · answered by Waterdragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know who you want ... THIS GUY. What are you doing ... YOU WANT HIM. TELL HIM. "I know you may want to break up, but I don't, I want you, I only want to be with you. Let's try. There's no one else for me but you." Come on. You say that, you got him. He won't say NO. Don't be a coward. If you want him TRY DAMN IT, DON'T LET HIM GO. He came back, had coffee, hugged you, stared at you... He's wondering if you are THE ONE, guys go through a little 'I DON'T KNOW' period before they decide. GO GET HIM. Convince him. Make his mind up for you. If he wasn't considering he wouldn't have come around. GO GET HIM ... RIGHT NOW. NNNNOOOOOWWW.
2006-11-25 01:13:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why whould you let your buddy talk you into sound asleep with one more man? You understand your self higher than your pal don't sleep with guys!! I've watched two guys on a porn and i do not recognize how they can name themselves a man after that. I'd not wish to sleep with any person that also slept with men thats gross!!
2016-08-09 23:30:03 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why whould you enable your pal communicate you into sound asleep with yet another guy? you recognize your self greater advantageous than your pal do not sleep with men!! i've got watched 2 men on a porn and that i don't understand the way they'd call themselves a guy after that. i does not choose to sleep with somebody that still slept with men thats gross!!
2016-10-13 02:06:34 · answer #11 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋