Should I do anything to correct their social faux pas?

Question

My husband and I were married in September in PA. We live in MI and his family is from there, but I come from PA (family lives there still). My family follows some rules of etiquette that my husband's family disregards or does not think appropriate to follow, and in regards to this situation, I see where both families are coming from. Our families do not see much of one another because of the distance, but eventually we would like to have children and I want to clear this up before that happens.

Both sets of parents met on previous occasion. At the rehearsal and dinner, neither set talked to one another--same thing ALL through the wedding weekend. I went sure to thank EACH guest individually. My family hosted the wedding and even paid for the rehearsal dinner. Friend/Maid of Honor from affluent family says it was up to his family (visitors) to thank the hosts, but folks in Michigan think it's up to the hosts to make visitors feel welcome. I think all acted immature.

What should I do?

Answer 1

Boy do I feel your pain or what! Sounds similar to my wedding fiasco!

I'm assuming that the two families are upset with the other?

Your parents did welcome his family. With a wonderful ceremony and party. But being the gracious hosts your parents are, I'm sure they're not holding a grudge at not being properly thanked. I'm sure they've just chalked it up to others social inexperience. And have moved on with their lives.

His family should have thanked your family. Everyone should have thanked your family. But the best thing to do would be to move past this. If you still sense tension, I would say something like "Well, we're not going to get into 'who should have done what' at this late date. We're just going to move past it. As I'm sure my family has done." If someone truly wants to know what the socially corrent thing to do is, I'm sure they will ask you in private and you can let them know without embarrassing them.

Good luck!

Answer 2

From my admittedly limited understanding of interpersonal relationships, I really don't think there is anything you can do.
Nor should you waste time trying. If there's one lesson to be learned here, it's that trying to "fix" the behavior of supposed adults usually ends in more frustration than it's worth.

It's rare that in-laws truly get on well together. Usually a polite and awkward truce is the best you can hope for. Consider yourself lucky that there weren't any fists a-flyin'.

That said, I think that no matter the social occasion, the guest should always thank the host for the hospitality extended, no matter how welcome (or unwelcome) the guest feels nor how badly it pains the guest to do so.

Answer 3

I think the hosts should be thanked by everyone who attended. Also, the hosts should make sure visitors feel welcome.

So husband's family didn't thank your parents? Obviously, they don't know that is only being polite. But I don't know what you can do about it at this late date. They probably aren't going to change their ways, so you will have to excuse their ignorance.

Answer 4

Contrary to those here suggesting that everyone "move past it"...fat chance.

The wedding was just the overture to a life of Thanksgivings, Christmases (or, Chanukahs!), birthdays, christenings (or maybe a bris!), graduations and Fourth of July picnics during which feelings will be hurt.

I have absolutely no good advice for you.

But, boy, do I wish you good luck!

Answer 5

good thing you have your own family now so you can do what you as a couple want to do. they did act immaturely. as i said, good thing you have your own family to worry about now. you did your part to the best of your ability. you cannot worry about others.
raise your children the way you see fit and make sure you stand up for your family when you are with anyone. your kids will learn your way (as your family - you and your husband and children) and will be respectful of others' ways.

Answer 6

It's over now... forget about it.... enjoy your new life!!