If you are bipolar please answer this question!?

Question

Do you cherish and identify with your manic epesodies? My true self is manic and I welcome and enjoy my manic times, it's the depression I fear and cannot deal with. When I am manic I am most creative, most focused, and life is good, I am me, and when I start to slip away I loose myself and dont even see it happening, and suddenly I am someone else, is that how you are too?

Answer 1

In response to Debra D's comment about 'bipolar lite', no way is BP2 'lite'! It's every bit a serious and destructive, as you know.

To the original question...

Personally, no, I don't cherish them. My manias (or hypos) are nasty, short-lived things that soon turn into horrid mixed episodes. Somehow, I never manage to get the 'creative' thing going, just trapped into obsessive behaviour till the crash into mixed.

Answer 2

I can empathize with what you're saying. I've lived with my condition, untreated for a very long time. It always felt as if I was battling myself internally to gain some stabiliy in my moods. There was never a grey area, where I was either incredibly happy or so depressed that I wanted nothing to do with anyone.

Internally, durring manic highs, I felt as if I was in my optimal state of mind, but it's really a fallacy. You become overly optimistic, overconfident, authorative and imballanced, where in areas you can bluff your way through things with your "manic" charm, where you might believe that you're smarter, funnier, better looking, but realistically, you just have an abundance of energy.

Eventually it catches up to you and you find that your work, relationships, state of well being is all a facade, induced by mania. When the mania dissipates, it brings you back to "normal", which isn't bad, but it appears to be bad and borring, where you don't feel special or as if you have an edge. This is where the depression begins, you covet being the person you thought you were when you were manic and would do anything to get back to that state.

There are various stimuli and substances that trigger mania and our brain remembers what those items are and we develop behaviors that will repeat triggering mania, such as drinking, taking drugs and making really bad decisions without considering the consequences, which is why so many bipolar patience are substance abusers.

This cycle of thoughts and behaviors is recurring and it leads what you are suffering from, which is an identity chrisis. We like to believe that we are at our best when we are manic, but believing this disolves your sense of self, because you can never be that person all the time and you begin to lose confidence and develop weaknesses and the depression becomes more prevalent.

Stabilization is the key to managing this illness, starting with medication and continuing into psychotherapy. The meds will help stabilize your moods, so you can focus and be receptive and learn about your thoughts, moods and behaviors.

Your behaviors are developed over a long period of time and stored in your brain. The challenge in managing this disorder is learning how to change these behaviors, so that you can be as creative, focused and positive when you are normal, without slipping into depression and losing your sense of self. In essence you are reprogramming your brain. This is not an easy thing to do and takes a lot of motivation, strength and energy.

The analogy I like to use is that of War, where you are in the field of battle, depression is your enemy, medication is your armour and weaponry and your Dr's are your comanding offices who will guide you through the field of battle, giving you strategy to defeat the enemy and stay alive.

I hope this gives you some perspective.

Answer 3

Most definately, I find it much the same. Sometimes when I take my medication I find that it puts me into a constant drone of boredom. I love the imaginative side of the manic times. I too get a lot done during these times, though by skipping medication I have to be careful not to go into a deep depression that takes time to get out of. During work I will skip my tablets as being on the manic side I feel like I fit in better. Maybe it's just me or maybe the people around me at work have problems too, I don't know but if you ask me I think every one in this world is at least just a little bit out there and it is good to fit in, even sometimes feel like I am the one who can get things done just by being me.
I must admit though like you say when you start to slip away you feel like you are losing yourself I feel like Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde. Sometimes to the point where I have a kind of blank stretch as to what exactly was happening in my mind during the transition periods.

I guess at the end of the day all I can do is to admit that my personality is unique, just like yours and billions of other people. This gives me a warm fuzzy feeling of satisfaction, because I want to be an individual and that can not be taken away from me wether I slip into a transition of depression or not.

Hope this is what you are looking for.

Crazy Pete.

Answer 4

Hi when I am manic I am so in to doing new stuff and trying new stuff which I love. When I am depressed I get so down on my self its hard to even get out of bed. I so like being my manic self better..
Good luck do not give up on life.

Answer 5

I'm Bipolar II and experience hypo mania which truly sucks. I get irritable, my anxiety shoots through the roof and I generally just piss everybody off. I don't get the creative highs etc. of Bipolar I. The depressions are more frequent though less intense but ironically more Bipolar II's commit suicide or attempt it each year than Bipolar I's do. Finally the medical community is starting to recognize Bipolar II as not "Bipolar Lite" but just as serious, in it's own way as Bipolar I. The disease is sure a challenge, no matter in what form it lands in our heads but I feel it was given to me for some purpose.

Answer 6

I am not, but my husband is. I describe him like a Jeckell and Hyde person......He is either really really nice, or really really mean. No inbetween. He used to take meds for this. Myself and the kids all seen a huge difference. He says there was not and it was a waste of money. So he won't take it anymore. I think what you are describing sounds just like him. I don't think he even notices when he's slipping and like that. He can be really mean, and then the next day when he gets up....he acts like nothing ever happened! Makes me wonder if he can actually remember everything he says? So please if you are, get meds for this....it is no different than taking a blood pressure pill, or and antibiotic, etc.....you'll be much happier all the time. And, if people are telling you there is a difference, believe them!

Answer 7

It sucks when the happiness goes away, I think alot of people that are Bipolar feel the same. Sometimes it feels as if you a diffrent person with each of your emotions. However there are medications to keep your mood stable, some work some don't...

Answer 8

I take medication, which helps to level out the bumps. I still get episodes of depression, but I can't afford to let it affect my work, so I also take antidepressants. I realise that a lot of people disagree with taking drugs for these types of conditions, but I don't really understand why. These are legitimate medical disorders, and can easily be treated with meds.

Answer 9

My son is 12 and has bipolar. When he was in 3rd grade we started having alot of problems in school with him. One minute he was happy the next very mad. It was like walking on eggshells. we went through many doctors telling us he was ADHD. In 4th grade he had to go to many hospitals, which some only lasted 3 days, I kept asking "How can you help him in only 3 days" Their reply was he just has anger problems. In the middle of his fourth grade year he went to a hospital for many months. It was so hard on him, he kept telling me I did not love him, I tried to explain to him I was trying to help him.
He now is on many meds to help him, but still gets depressed alot, I can handle the mood swings, my biggest fear is his depression. He will look at me an say " Mom please help me, I just can not take this." I wish I could take all his pain away/

Answer 10

i feel the same way when i have my manic epsodies its like a high for me.i hate it when i get down again.