in relation to your answers?

Question

i cant just cut my ex out of my life we have a little boy together and he has cancer and isnt going to be around for much longer so he needs to spend a lot of time with his son who is only 3 years old and we were toghether for 6 years so he has a place in my heart as my sons dad but as i said i dont love and have not for 2 years

Answer 1

Hi Pink,

I think I missed your origional question, but will answer it anyway and come at different angles when I don't know the full story -hope this is useful?

Anyway, what is important is that your ex-partner wants to have contact with his son and that his child wants to see his dad. If he didn't want to see his son, then there is little you can do to make him and this would be very sad indeed but your own love itself would be enough to provide your son with as much love and happiness that he deserves.

I am assumming that he does see his dad and spends a lot of time with him, then this is wonderful even though you and your ex will never be anything more than just on good terms for the sake of your son. Why should you want to cut your ex out of your life when he is the father of your child? - you will just remain in contact purely for the sake of your child and this is good enough for this reason alone.

No one says that you should have to be together or love each other just because you did once a long time ago. People's lives change and so do their expectations and feelings and so if you have moved on, then so should he, but to remain in close contact with his son if he cares anything for him. His love for his son should be unconditional anyway and shouldn't depend upon whether he loves him because of how you feel about your ex. If this is the case, then he loves his son for the wrong reasons and truly doesn't care about him because he is wanting you to love him before he can love his son - lots of men will see their children even if their marriage has broken down and because they love their children unconditionally.

If he doesn't want to see his child because you no longer love him, then the better off your son will be without his father who doesn't love him anyway. This is a very sad situation, but if your boy is just three, then he will cope a lot better without a father if he is not going to committ to seeing his son on a regular basis and because he loves him regardless of where you stand with your ex. A child can have just as much love from his mother to compensate and others in the family too, so he won't miss what he isn't getting from his father.

You can not be held responsible for what your ex decides to do or not do - he is adult enough to bring a child into this world and adult enough to want to be a part of his life whether he is with you or not. It will be his loss if he does not want to be a part of his own son's life and he cannot force you to love him when you no longer feel that way about him, he has to accept that this is the way it is and you are not going to love anyone who will love their own child on the condition that you are going to love your ex!

You can still be fond of your ex because he and you shared a life togther once and of course, people don't forget that but just means that the love isn't a romantic one like it used to be but more friends.

or:

If you are with someone new and he doesn't accept that your ex is a part of your life, then sounds like he hasn't got the child's best interests at heart and is jealous of the fact that your son has another father - in this case, he will be an insecure type of man you are with and doesn't trust in you enough to know that you no longer love your ex and wants to sabotage your son's relationship with his father. This would be an unhealthy relationship to be in and so I would not allow his jealousy to dictate what is in the best interests of your child and your ex has every right to see his son.

The same goes for other family - their priority is for the child's welfare and not their own interests.

You do what is right for you and your child.

Answer 2

firstly sorry for whats happening
secondly your child deserves to have a father son relationship with him and enjoy it while he can.
With the dad being occupied with his son it might keep him livin a bit longer because he will have something to live for. dont take the only think he has left away from him

Answer 3

Better think about your child rather than your relationship coz the child has the whole life to come.

Answer 4

then just be there for him & your son,they need to spend as much time together as possible, you are there as his friend, not his ex.

Answer 5

your responsibility is to give your child what is best! that is the main thing.

Answer 6

If that's how you feel, then why are you on here asking questions about it?

Answer 7

Spent his last hours with him.......

He would probably do the same for you......
Who knows.....You might see him in heaven.......

Answer 8

what?