How long should a 12 year old be grounded? I know most will say it depends on what he did.?

Question

Mostly he swore at me and his little brother.. I am trying to decide how long he should be punished.

Answer 1

It depends on your definition of grounded, I guess. Does grounded in your house mean your child can't do anything?

My mom used to ground me and my siblings is various ways.
For example, if we had cursed at her, we would lose communication privledges (phone, computer/internet). Since we obviously could not express ourselves by communicating with our mom in a respectful and appropriate manner, we then could not communicate with our friends in any manner.

Usually punishments started with two days, then progressed to three, five, and a week. Such a long punishment for a first time offense probably won't be entirely effective. After the first couple of days, the child no longer cares WHY they were punished, only how many days left til it's over.

I also got my mouth washed out with soap, which was a far better deterent than not being able to leave the house or use the phone. That's pratically considered child abuse now (as is spanking), but I only cursed in front of my mother one other time (when I was 15 and rebelling) until after I was an adult. I still remember the taste of Ivory soap... ewww! :)

Answer 2

I have a 12 year old boy too, and grounding does work for him. I agree with some of the other answers that gradually increasing the time for the same offense is a good approach. I usually start with through a weekend, then increase the time for multiple offenses. Whatever you decide to do, make it stick. I can tell you from experience that letting them off the hook early will only show that you are not serious, and the offense will undoubtably be repeated.

Good luck!

Answer 3

how can grounding teach him what you want him to learn? if he's grounded a lot, it will be meaningless.

if this was the first time he swore, i would have told him in the moment that he is not to speak to me or his brother that way, that that is disrespectful and not tolerable. i would also make sure that no adult in the house talks to him or his brother that way. if one did, that's what would have to stop first.

if my son swore at me after he'd been told it was unacceptable, i would end whatever activity he was enjoying at the time. on a computer game - off. watching tv (mine don't) - off.

i think i would also say - 'looks like you have a little too much wild energy here. go _______' and i'd give a very specific chore. go rake leaves, go empty all trash cans and load up the big can outside, go unload the dishwasher, go fold clothes.

in other words, go act like you have respect and appreciation for what's going on in this house.

grounding, i think, is very stupid. i was grounded here and there as a kid. it teaches nothing. except that a parent is serious, i suppose. but my kids already know that.

my husband just suggested having him write an essay on respect. get him to think about the reasons for your disappointment and anger.

and, there's nothing like forcing your 12 year old to listen to a lecture on respect/language/presentation to do him in.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is an awesome book. It talks about how to maintain the authority in your home and teach your child self-discipline, which is what he needs. He needs to learn how to act when there's no threat of punishment, when there's no one else around. That comes from self-discipline, which never comes from punishment, but does come from teaching and logical consequences.

Answer 4

I would have to agree with most on this one and tell you a week for the first time and add weeks for more times that he misbehaves. If he is really busy during the week in football, basketball, or any sports then I would just say two weekends because what is a punishment if you don't have to serve it and you can't just jerk him out of sports that he may be playing at the time. If he is really focused through the week then I would say two weekends and if he isn't involved in anything through the week then I would say one week for the first time. Best of Wishes and I hope things work out for you and your sons.

Answer 5

it depends on what the punishment is. but maybe you should also consider the following when executing this punishment...:
a) do you swear in front of him?
b) do you allow him to be in the company of other adults who swear?
c) where'd he learn it from, tv?
d) was he treated unfairly? (maybe he's angry, about things not really obvious)

I might make some life changing adjustments such as:
a) ensure he is not surrounded by adults who swear
b) limit his tv watching to 1-2 hours daily, don't let him sit and "get lost" in it and for goodness sake, *monitor* what he watches!
c) take away a favourite toy such as playstation for one week.
d) forbid him to see any friends for one week, make him stay at home and tidy up things, like doing the dishes.
e) ensure he has after school activities going on, like, sports or drama, something to keep his mind stimulated.
f) let him wash the car for a month (every saturday).
g) let him read, read and read some more (have a 1 hour family reading session every day or 2nd day, this helps kids with spelling, seeing things from different angles, usually the "good character" of a book which helps them to model their behaviour on)

Answer 6

The time should be increased by the recurrence of the same mistake. Weekend increases to 1 Week and then to 2 weeks. My mum grounded me and it does work. Overall it depends on the child. And you should make sure your child knows not only what he did wrong but also WHY it was wrong.

Answer 7

Probably about 48hrs to start with then graduslly increase by a day at a time each time it happens. Swearing is not as bad as attacking you or his little brother. I would also try confiscation eg if he has a playstation take it away instead

Answer 8

I agree that a week is probably the best length.

Personally, I'd make sure he understands that it is NEVER ok for him to swear at YOU. We all know kids will swear when not around the house, or maybe with their siblings.. but to swear at a parent is a very serious thing. Let him know that, THAT will not be tolerated. Good luck.

Answer 9

I ground my kids a week at a time. You have to make it not too long but long enough to make an impact! Second offense I usually make it 2 weeks - don't have to do that very often.
My kids are 13, 9 & 6

Answer 10

well some parents keep there kids grounded for about 2-3 wks.
or they might keep them in the house for one month.
you should choose and not have anybody tell u what 2 do.
some parents talk it over with their spouse. Hope i helped u