Why can't he be nice?

Question

My man and I have been together for a year and a half. He is wonderful and we always have a great time together...except he rarely says anything nice to me-
Last night the comments were- "wow, your face is really breaking out." , When I told him I missed him during the day- he said "No you didn't".
When he said that, I about lost it!
He did not grow up in an open and affectionate household like I did, so I know a lot of it was environment-
I've told him many times these things hurt... yet he never stops with the comments. I love him (and NO- he is not verbally abusive).
How can I get him to see I need to hear some nice things too?

Answer 1

you mean to tell me that for 1 1/2 years he never complimented you?and your still with this guy? whatever! do ya know if he even likes himself? low self esteem? there definitly is a problem here and bound to become a major issue, do you know if this guy has any love for himself to begin with? because you can't expect him to show you love if he dont love himself, you can always assure him that you are not like those he had to grow up with, that you see something in him that no body in his family does, and that you wont blame him when things go wrong, and ask him to drop his gaurd and let you in, tell him you not going to hurt him that you just want to help begin the healing process, teach him that if he looks past all those previous negative judgements, he will find some one that he never knew existed, some one I'm sure he'd like, just understand that those who not by shoice had to grow up in that type of atmosphere, will only know rejection and to feel like they could never be nothing. he should start by feeling lucky that he's got you! Good luck to you both!

Answer 2

He may not like being manipulated and feels your words have a strong motive. Do they? There is no right or wrong, just two people that can communicate on the same level. You two need to find a happy medium. Try simple feedback that doesn't show judgement. "You sound tired.", " You look interested in this show". Try not to judge, but open up a chance to talk. You only know how you feel, but can reflect how you think someonelse feels. Good luck and it's worth trying anything.

Answer 3

You really need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart. Tell him how much it hurts deep in your soul. Tell him it is a matter of respect to listen to your feelings about his comments to you. He is not respecting you in that way.

What are some things that he feels very deeply about? Try to relate it to those things. Sometimes we have to find things that correlate to make them see. I can see that you are a sensitive person and every time he says those things, it tears a piece of you away. Bit by bit, you will be gone and then you will not be the person you really want to be. Do you really want to be with someone who does that? You may have to leave the situation for a while to open his eyes if those things do not work. See a counselor if nothing else. I wish you well, and please think things through. It is tough being with someone that long and loving them. It isn't normal for people to say mean things to those they love. Hugs to you. I will be praying for you.

Answer 4

my bf always tells me that he is not a mind reader - i hate this b/c i think he should just know that he needs to show affection when i need it and that in some way it is a failing in that he never does. He is reserved and not outwardly affectionate (unless promted) I have -discussed this-at length- with him. I have to tell him i need him to say something nice -and he does try to think about that something nice before it comes out of his mouth so it does not sound too much of a sop to my vanity but that is the compromise that we have had to make to make sure i feel somewhat maintained. He always tells me that i do not communicate my expectations to him - so it seems boys have no intuition and you need to spell it out for them - on a regular basis! lol good luck

Answer 5

since he was not raised in a warm or complementary home, you are going to have to teach him. Everyday get him alone look him straight in the eye and tell him to pay you a compliment, he will complain but explain to him that it is important to you. FYI. I think you are a very kind and patient person and deserve the best.

Answer 6

well maybe he isn't in love with you at all OR he's just shy of showing his true feelings for you...but relationship isn't about words, it's all about what you feel for each other and how you perform them...all you need to do is be true to yourself..sometimes guys are just like that..as the saying goes"boys will be boys...".Another thing, we girls have different mind sets from the boys and they don't show their emotions often.They're afraid that you might use it to make fun of them when in fact all you wanna do is understand them right?Guys don't want to feel inferior so maybe he did that to show that he's the boss or something...if you already told him you don't like it, then repeat it again and again until he stops and see you through..that's all i can say...good luck!

Answer 7

actually he is verbally abusive. why would he exclaim "wow, your face is really breaking out"?? that is quite rude and demeaning to say to someone. also...if you have told him REPEATEDLY that him saying hurtful things hurts you and he does not make an effort to stop, that is intentional abuse.

you might want to reconsider staying in this relationship.

Answer 8

Very simple- we tach people how to treat us. You SAY it hurts, but you give no consequence.
Your fault.
My Son's father said to me, years after breaking up, that he knew what he was like and hated himself when with me.
I dated someone who way-too-sweetly protested my annoyance with him.
When we broke up, my son's dad asked what happened, if I don;t mind.
I said, "I hated myself when I was with him."
In other words... I put up with you, I see it now. I only see it because the ugly side of ME came out, when this guy put up with it, and there was little I could do, no matter how I tried to keep my own mouth shut.
Check out basic behavioral management.
If you keep letting it slide, you give him every reason to keep going.

Answer 9

hey I'm a guy and you know what guys are not that affective like women... they rarely say that they love someone... although I'm not sure if he still loves you... the best way is to communicate with him... try to delve him deeper... maybe he has a problem... goodluck girl

Answer 10

If the things he says to you offend you, he is
verbally abusive and it is mental abuse also.

Talk to him about it again, and if he still does it, start spending less time with him. Maybe that'll
change his attitude.