How can I get him to stop? And does this seem normal? He knows what he's doing and he seems to think it's a game. I have talked til' I'm blue in the face, I've spanked him and taken his toys away to no avail? Any suggestions? Is it time for a psychologist?
2006-11-24 20:51:14 · 14 answers · asked by Nyema 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
The truth is a pyschologist couldn't really hurt, but it's probably indicative of other problems. First you have to consider what he is lying about. Spanking and taking away privledges will only work for an honest kid. I remember growing up and lying to avoid punishments, lying to get toys i wanted. When my dad would say something like, "no tv for a week!" as a punishment, i learned the sounds of his footsteps and would just stop watching whenever i knew he was around. my mother never enforced the punishments my father made. You have to remember that all kids lie. Even chimps that know sign language lie to their human handlers when they do something naughty. As you grow up you learn from your peers that lying isn't a good thing and you learn y our morals from them too. If you just want to nip the lying in the bud, you need to restrict him in serious ways. give him rules, boundaries, limitations and REAL supervision. meaning you have to schedule his day when he gets home from school, do his homework with him. only allow him a little bit of TV per day(say a half hour to an hour...but no more), and be in the room with him.
One of the things my parents did for me growing up was that they didn't buy me any frivolous toys for any frivolous reason. If i wanted something so bad, I had a tiny allowance($2 per week at first), and i would save for it. And whether or not i wanted to, Dinner time was manditory...even if i didn't eat. There is no way to just deal with the lying...you need to deal with the child. My first gameboy was 49 dollars. it took me a really long time to save that money up. but i treated it like gold. i still have it. I remember saving every quarter i found in a couch cushion to buy things that i wanted. And that ability to budget follows me even today.
The other thing was story time, and books. I was always told that i could get any book i wanted. At night my dad would tell me a story or read me a book. the hobbit was especially a favorite of mine. But I would go with my mother to the library and that was the one place i was allowed to be alone, and i would find my way to the childrens section and pick out a book.
Most important: You can't take away a behavior and expect the kid to just live without. something needs to replace that behavior. sports, games, reading...
My mom cleverly would enroll me in a sport(soccer, ice skating, baseball) or a lesson(painting, art appreciation, computer club) stating that, "Chit, you can quit if you want to...but you must go three times."
If he's busy having fun, he's going to be too busy to lie.
Never put your child infront of the Television. It's too easy for the kid to just stay there, and they lose all social skills.
Hope i helped!
2006-11-24 21:20:45 · answer #1 · answered by Chit P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, my son lies quite often too. A story I shared with him was the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I told him the story straight from the heart and added very clear and pronounced details about the boy, the wolf, the towns people and how they viewed him, the slaughtered sheep (think I scared him a bit with the detail here), and I even added that the wolf was after him. Talk about scared. All due to lies!
Aside from that, I have used a few other tactics like telling a lie of my own and allowing him to see how it feels when his trust is broken with me. He recently experienced his teacher lying on hiim and he was so devistated. Once they learn that many people lie for many different reasons, but that the truth more often comes out in the end, they may be more apt to let that truth come out frpm the very beginning. Edify your child whenever they choose honesty over lying.
2006-11-25 13:52:47 · answer #2 · answered by ladyshua 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well let me tell you , you are not alone. A lot of kids do this. My daughter has been a habitual liar since she was 5. She lies so much she cant even tell when she is lying or being honest. I am unsure why some kids lie. I know that when i worked in a day care alot of the children who lied did it for attention. Some kids like to be in the limelight so to speak. It makes them feel better when everyone is interested in what they have to say, real or imagined. Punishment is necessary because the child needs to know that if he was in trouble one might not believe him because of his habit.. just be consistent and dont fail to explain how dangerous lying can be. hugs i hope you get it figured out. -
2006-11-25 08:04:29 · answer #3 · answered by private n 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Children learn far more from what we do, rather than what we talk about.
I am not implying that parents are necessarily liars themselves, before their children learn the habit !
However, there might be prominent characters around your family who get away with lies, and are even successful . . . like most sales and marketing people. The entire media tell us lies round the clock. Politicians who can have major detrimental impact for generations lie all the time !
The only way to cure lies and deceits is by applying honesty.
Show genuine merits of being honest, which practically means observing life independent of any bias, and treating life with utmost care - as if it is your source ?!
I know, being honest does not equal being popular ! Unfortunately, that is a disease well spread into the society. After all, you were the one who asked how to fight the symptoms !
2006-11-25 05:16:51 · answer #4 · answered by Sama 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Boy do I understand. My nine year old is a liar and now she has my four year old doing it. I have tried everything. Then I spanked them. So far no lies. I already know when they are lying I test them to see. If they are lying I guilt them so badly. I tell them that they are losing my trust in them and one day when they are telling me the truth and I won't believe them. I scare them but it seems to be working. Maybe I am doing it wrong but I have to try.
2006-11-25 13:10:19 · answer #5 · answered by Staci R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy's are mischevious. I have 2. He may just need attention, so he will do things to get the most attention. In this case its doing wrong, lying, because you may give him more attention like that instead of when he is doing right. No, he doesn't need a psychologist for christ sake he is only 8, but you might!
2006-11-25 04:58:51 · answer #6 · answered by Lila 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I feel that it is time to seek professional help for your child. I can understand that this can be a very stressful ordeal as a parent who had a child that was a habitual liar. My child had other problems to go along with the lying. There may be a reason your child feels he/she needs to lie. They may not even be aware of the seriousness of the lying. Check with your doctor for help, he or she can refer you to a mental health professional. Check with your local mental health yourself, even seek the help of your child's school counselor.
2006-11-25 18:13:34 · answer #7 · answered by queenann62 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you're willing to try this, but my parents did this to me forever ago when I was quite a little liar in elementary school. They decided to give me a taste of my own medicine; my dad promised me we were going to go see a movie (Lion King, I think) and I was so excited. Then they asked me if I'd done my homework folder. I lied and said I had, but dad checked it without me knowing and it was completely blank. So I was all ready to go, they even got dressed and talked to me about the movie and got me all excited (cruel but effective)...then right as we were about to go out the door, my dad pulled my homework folder our of his briefcase. My heart dropped. He said we weren't going anywhere until I finished my homework. Of course, I said "you PROMISED!" And let's just say that's the day I stopped lying. You could try this my saying you'll go out to eat, or give some sort of privelage to your son...then lie about it. As I said before, it's cruel, but then hopefully he'll see that it's definitely not okay to lie and break someone's trust. Hope that helps. Let us know!
2006-11-25 05:01:00 · answer #8 · answered by Sirius's Mommy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My son around that age was the same. I just had to get smarter, double checked everything, to make sure he was not lying, and consequences consequences consequences, each and every time he is caught. It was a trying time, but eventually it did end. GL
2006-11-25 04:53:32 · answer #9 · answered by twinkies2469 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to the beach and yell at the waves to stop.
2006-11-25 06:45:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋