Why do people judge women who have babies close together?

Question

If you have a 6 month old and find out you are like... 3 weeks pregnant, why do people tell you that you are a bad person? Even if you DO take birth control every day and use condoms every time? This hasn't happened to me but my mother in law says she doesn't want me to get pregnant again until my 4 month old is 3 years old. My husband is 22yrs old and one sister was 20(just died) and his other sister is 14. He doesnt even talk to his little sister but was real close to his other sister. Whats wrong with that?! Why are people so judgmental about little things?

Answer 1

People who judge these types of women are generally people that hate children in general and dub their mothers "breeders". Just google "childfree" and you'll find tons of groups.

People are especially judgemental of women who have babies close together because to them it obviously has to be an act of complete sexual/parental carelessness.

Don't listen to them, there's nothing wrong with it. What's the difference between having two children barely a year or less apart and having two children ten years apart? Nothing, except parental preference.

A lot of parents want their little ones to grow up together, have each other as lifelong companions, and many other reasons. Some want to focus on one at a time. It's up to you honey! It's your perogative.

Answer 2

I'm sure that you've discovered by now that having one little kid is difficult.....but having two infants at the same time is very, very stressful on the parents, especially the primary caregiver (usually the mama). Time just doesn't stretch to be able to give each baby the attention they need, nor to enjoy them as individuals.

Also two pregnancies that close together really take their toll on a woman's physical health. In primitive societies the mother normally nurses the first baby for about two years and that's the typical interval between births.

It's possible that the people are judgmental of women who have babies as close together as you say because they know that the majority of these pregnancies are totally accidental and consider these women to be oversexed and irresponsible. This is not always the case--some of them want more than one child and decide to have them that close together to 'get it out of the way' and get on with their lives.

Your mother-in-law obviously knows whereof she speaks. She did have two kids within two years and two in diapers isn't a walk in the park. However, you and your husband are the ones to make that decision--not your mother-in-law.

You have a 4 month old and are possibly considering having another right away. You must have lucked out and have a baby that's a total delight, but please bear in mind that the next one could very well be hell-on-wheels!!! Remember that every kid (and every pregnancy) is different. Each child you bring into this world is a lifetime commitment--be very, very sure before you make that commitment--once he or she is here, there's no going back.

Answer 3

If your a parent you must learn to pay no attention to what other people say....the only thing you should worry about is if your body is strong enough to carry another child after having the other one not so long ago! People will always have an opinion about your children... just pick and choose which you will take into consideration...My first three children are about 2 1/2 years apart....they are very close.. when i had another child five years apart from my third...i had another one right away (12 month difference)..because I didn't want child no 4 to be alone, everyone was talking about it, but I know I made the right decision...they are just as close with each other, and are never apart:) I made the right decision despite what EVERYBODY said, and i am glad I did it! At this point in your life you must do what is best for your children, and NO ONE ELSE!

Answer 4

im hearing you i can totally relate people have the right to have there children when they please not when there inlaws of all people tell them to if you are comfortable and can afford to look after your kids have as many as you like.
i have 2 daughters less then a year apart 1 is 16 months the other is 5 months i feel like people judge me when its none of there dam bussiness i didnt plan it that way but wouldent change it for the world i was breastfeeding dd number one while on the mini pill and still fell pregnant when dd was only 6 weeks old hence the 2 yes its hard work and they take all my time and money but hell i love them and i already no i want another 1 soon so i can get it out of the way and go back to work you no what i mean if you want another baby now go ahead and do it if circumstances permit they will be so close and best mates good luck to you.

Answer 5

Sweetie, I have the same problem... not because they're "too close together" but because we're still having them! I have 3 kids right now and I don't feel like I'm done having kids. I want at least 2 more and people think I'm crazy. A friend mentioned once, if you can afford them and you want to have them, who has any right to tell you otherwise. It's your life! If you want to have another baby right away, HAVE ONE- or have lots of fun trying! Your mother-in-law has no business telling you how and when to have children. She should simply be grateful she's a grandmother and shut up. People who tell you you're a bad person for having children obviously don't know what they're missing.

Answer 6

I don't know why some people are so judgmental. I think that it is up to the parents if they want their children close together or not. I am the mother of four and am pregnant with my fifth and my last. I have people look at me and say" you've been busy or take out their finger and point in the air to each of them and say " God bless you" well, my husband and I had planned each one of them and wanted a big family. I have two of my kids that are 2 years apart and they are so close and my other two are 5 yrs. and don't get along that well. Don't listen to others do what you want and be happy with your family and your decisions.

Answer 7

She is probably only trying to help by suggesting to have babies so closely together it is such a lot of work for you - and she would be right about that!! 2.5 -3 years is touted as the ideal because it allows each child to have personal time with you, the mother, before you have to put a new baby first once again. Also the older child is old enough to understand what is happening and to want to help, rather than be dragging on your skirt while you are feeding the new baby.

It has been my experience though that the closer they are in age the closer friends they are likely to be as they share the same interests.

Answer 8

Don't worry about what anyone else says. If you and your husband want to have 5 kids that are ALL 10 months apart you have that right. And if she tells you that you're a bad person for any reason, thats uncalled for. Husbands mothers seem to always interfere too much. You and your husband do what you feel is appropriate and disregard any other input or judgement that comes your way. Good Luck! And Congrats!

Answer 9

Look, I am 19 yrs old, married, I have a 5 month old, and I am 12 weeks pregnant. That means that I fell pregnant again when my baby was only 7 weeks old. I didnt plan on this, however my husband desperately wanted another baby so soon, so I know it will be hard for me, but it was our choice, and I know we will manage, even though I havent told my dad yet and I know he will be very unhappy, he will have to deal with it. Everyone is going to judge you and the world is a very hard place. Keep the baby and your judged, dont keep the baby and they judge you again, you just cant win, so you hav to keep yourself happy.

Answer 10

Some people just have nothing better to do.
Dont EVER let your mother in law dictate to you when you can or cant have another baby, thats YOUR CHOICE WITH YOUR MAN.. not your mother in law!!!!

Personally I think its much better to have kids close together in their age, they will grow up together as better friends when they are close in age.

I think you should ask yourself why you even value your mother in laws opinion on this.... because you shouldnt let her upset you like this. I think you need to be more assertive and tell her that its none of her business when you decide to have another baby.


Good luck