I grew up in a very very traditional Eastern culture n religion that valued virginity. I've only been with one man (hubby) in my life because I wanted it that way. Unfortunately, my husband who's an American has been with a couple of women before we got married. He said he feels bad about it, wish he hadn't done it and apologize. I do understand the different culture we grew up in. I can't force my morality on him. I love him dearly but his past is just bothering me so much. For some reason it hurts me... Why does it hurt me so much? How should I get his past out of my mind?
2006-11-24 19:19:40 · 26 answers · asked by Vixen 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
You'll just have to get over it. The past is the past and your husband obviously loves you. The sooner you realize that, the happier you will be.
2006-11-24 19:21:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
You did not marry his past - but the future that the two of you - together are forging.
Are you going to ask him if a dress makes you look fat? and than get upset for days with his answer?
I'm sorry - but it's 2006, and women have to accept that they must be stronger or else we men will be more confused than we are already!!!
You are focusing on what - a thousandth, millionth of the total of your husband. The 99.999% that is a worthy man, you seem to WANT to ignore. This must be "advice" from the media, TV, or BAD friends - poison.
99.99% of this man is there for you, and you want a memory, THAT HE NEVER THINKS ABOUT to ruin your life?
As he never thinks about cheating, or his memories, I see the problem as the whispers of the media and "friends".
Well as you divorce him over this memory, rake him over the coals so that all the whisperers will be happy, as you seem more interested in "them" than your rock solid relationship with a very good man.
Perhaps if you turn the TV off, you'd find a man helping and there for you - as he always has been.
Yeah, it's too hard to believe he loves you. I can't figure out why? He's only there for you, no cheating, oh, you DON"T BELIEVE HIM, as he "confessed " HIS PAST - I repeat PAST - and is sad for it ( why I don't know it was long before he met you.) So get the rake, as your friends want so badly to tear your solid relationship down, pointy side down, remember. Nice long strokes, don't just use your arms you'll tire out.
AAARGH! What can a man do against a memory?
You need help, and not from man hating "friends".
Men have memories; you have memories - that he does not care about.
"How should I get his past out of my mind?" you ask - get a life - get in school, or work, or refocus on the 99.999% of your husband that is hurt right now, and you don't seem to care he's hurting. Isn't that interesting that you don't care he's hurting - and that you don't care about that? Move on. Volunteer anywhere.
Do not sit at home - get your brain busy doing something to help the TWO of you - against the world make it.
2006-11-24 19:51:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that this is bothering you, but I think you should just learn to get over it. He loves you right? This is only in the past right? It will just take some time. I know that in the future that when I get married, if this will be the case then, I will learn to live with it. I also wanted to praise the fact that you did wait. Not many people these days understand the choice some of us make to abstain. I choose to not judge others on their decision to not wait, I just wish they could do the same for those of us who do decide to wait. I'm nineteen and most people I know don't care, so I don't understand most people on this site who think it is a "old way" of thinking. I will pray that you will be happy with your husband for the longest time. Good luck and God bless.
2006-11-24 19:31:31 · answer #3 · answered by *Balanced*Sweetheart*Always* 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
About to Separate from Husband
2016-11-04 21:07:40 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll have to get over it, or you'll have to get divorced. First and foremost you have to realize that there is nothing inherently wrong with sex, whether you're from your county or his. Having sex is an instinctual human behavior, and to discourage it, when it does no harm, is an evil act. Unless you can "wrap your brain" around that concept, you're never going to "forgive" your husband for his "sins." Because in light of that revelation, there is nothing to forgive, nor did he sin.
He shouldn't have to apologize to anyone for his decisions to have sex previously, as if he could predict the future and know he'd wind up with some lady who could only love a 29 year old virgin but settled for some lousy sinner anyway, out of half love and maybe half desperation? I would never apologize for what I'd done, unless I hurt someone, and you can't hurt people retroactively when you meet them for the first time, even if you fall in love.
If you liked him enough to love him and marry him, then you decided his past was OK. Now, if you've changed your mind, your only recourse is to get a divorce, not continue to torture someone for something completely out of anyone's hands. Try to find yourself a perfect 39 year old virgin now, oh but wait, it's too late for you now too. Bah!
2006-11-24 19:36:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
You probably feel the way you do because you love your husband and can not bear the thought of him with someone else. But tell yourself that he did not know you then and whatever relationship that he had with those women is past. It is YOU that he chose to marry and spend his life with. It is YOU that will be the mother of his children. Just let it go. Focus on his love for you and your life together. He is Your husband, no one else has had that privilege. Forgive, forget, and move on.
2006-11-24 19:25:18 · answer #6 · answered by tonks_op 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Of course it bothers you. He was your only and you were not his. It's very understandable that you would have minor issues with that. I was with other people before I became married and I was sometimes still uneasy that my husband had been with anyone before me, it shattered the "You're my one and only" idea, even though that was very silly of me to think. We never want to imagine our Love's sharing what they share with us, we never want to think of them with anyone else. I'm pretty sure this is what bothers you.
Remember darling, that sex doesn't equate to Love. You have to remind yourself that he chose you above and beyond all :)
There may also be a small part of you that would have liked to experience another man since he experienced another woman. (balancing what's fair...) And if that is completely wrong just remind yourself that YOU are his great Love and no one else.
2006-11-24 19:28:15 · answer #7 · answered by Katrina 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
he is responsible for his own actions, so why are you judging him as immoral? the idea of virginity is popular in most societies, but the freedom to choose is also a part of all societies. don't judge his actions by your cultural standards, but by his. he should do the same in your case. love should have no requirments.
2006-11-24 19:25:56 · answer #8 · answered by de bossy one 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Friends on WHATSAPP? can we be friends on whatsapp?
2017-04-01 22:55:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Husband or The Possible Other Woman?
2017-03-17 23:58:26 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's done is done. you can never forget that.
And dont feel bad because its better he had sex before, because that will show more experience. you will have more fun with him,
But if he was with no experience, then baby you will suffer.
You have to thank these girls whom he slept with, because now he makes you feel happy.l and you should feel more happy is because he loves you and MARRIED you instead of others.
2006-11-24 19:26:58 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋