What would you be thinking?

Question

I'll keep this as short as possible: We meet, hit it off real big. Things go great for a few months. She starts to go distant. Hot and cold for a while. We talk. She says she is always like this. OK, I have heard the, "It's not you, it's me" thing, you know what I assume. But things stay hot and cold. We start getting closer, she starts to push away. Up and down, like a yo yo. I start to push a little, figured it's only a matter of time that the "truth" comes out. We keep talking, she keeps saying the same thing though. I let up some, but the back and forth drives me nuts, just totally plays on every insecurity I ever had, and I back off some, push some. WTF? Finally occurs to me that she really meant what she said, something big and bad in her past. But now I've pushed her further away (not gone, but on a "break"). If I explained this to you, what would you say? I mean, what should I have thought? I have to look out for me, and who hasn't heard that line before?

She is seriously one of the nicest people I have ever met and I assumed she was just too nice to break it to me. So if you were in her shoes and you heard this account, do you think you could look past it eventually? Or is it gone?

Answer 1

It's not you it's me usually means she's got the hots for someone else. Good luck. Look elsewhere.

Answer 2

Maybe she's just very shy or maybe she just doesn't know what you want. Maybe the reason that she keeps going back and forth is because when she moves in you don't really take note of it and move in, too. Then she backs out thinking that you don't want a serious relationship. Just tell her how you feel. And next time she takes initiative, make sure to let her know you want a serious relationship. Or you take the initiative if she's shy or scared. I know cuz the same thing already happened to me with one of the guys I liked. I used to make a move but he really didn't respond to it, so I backed off thinking he didn't want to be with me. And we were like that back and forth for a couple of months. But once he told me how he really felt about me and how much he loved me, things went great. I'm still with him today.

Answer 3

First things first...apologize. Second try your best to make it up to her and try to get the point across that you are there for her. Try to be her friend more than anything right now. Chances are, whatever happened to her in the past forces her to put her guard. Occasionally she will let it down thinking you will be there for her but then when she feels to vulnerable she will put it back up. Thus the hot and cold thing. You need to be patient with this person and try to be her confidant. I think it may be worth it if she has you going bananas already. Good luck and send her some flowers. We love that sort of thing.

Answer 4

I don't think anyone could be going through that sort of turmoil...on either end of a relationship and not know it's going on. So, my best guess it this...if she is indeed one of the nicest people you have ever met, then she knows what she is all about. And, she recognizes that she is putting you through, or has put you through. You like most people wouldn't know what think....and probably through this whole thing you are thinking of yourself, and the insanity you are going through. I say...always ask yourself if its worth it.. "is the relationship worth it? is seeing that person's smile worth it?" If it is...then be honest...and state what you want honestly...to still be friends...to be there is she needs you....what ever it is. Show her you understand...and that your just as nice of person, as she is :)

Answer 5

WHAT? I don't understand what you want to know...what did she say that you finally realized that she meant? What happened in her past?