Anyone here with sugguestions with dealing with the death of someone you love?

Question

I recently lost my mother and feel much like I'm going crazy

Answer 1

Johnny. First, let me offer to you my sympathy. Loosing a Mom is not easy. I do not know how old you are, but I will share a few coping tools I used when confronted with the loss of my own Mom, Dad and Brother.

Talk. Talk to anyone who will listen about how she died, what you were doing, what she said, what you wish you had said, what you felt about the funeral, what you miss about her already, what you wish you had done differently, anything and everything about your time spent with your Mom when she was alive. Talking is therapy unto itself. To those who tell you not to talk about it because it will make you too sad, well you are already sad, so talk because the pain you feel cannot get any worse at the moment.

Cry. Cry in the shower or wherever you want. Be prepared for sudden surges of emotion. This is normal. I can remember a song, a smell, a televison commercial would make me cry for a second or minutes. There are gallons of tears inside, they have to come out sooner or later.

Keep something of your Mom's close to you. It is a link with the past. It might be a perfume or artcle of clothing. To some, having such familarity is comforting.

Discuss your situation with your friends and teachers and tell them it is okay to talk to you about your mom. They do not know what to say, and sometime we have to guide them also. They too are concerned, but do not want to upset you.

Deal with your emotions. Do not turn to any substance like drugs or alcohol to dull your senses. Hurting is natural. When you love someone and they die, you are suppose to hurt. And we do.

Remember their are no guidelines to how long this may hurt. Grief takes time. You will find Christmas difficult, and I know this because I lost my Grandfather on Dec 22 one year, and Christmas was difficult. But we celebrated the season. Traditions continue. Those traditions she passed along to you are for you to keep and pass along to others.

Support your siblings and Dad if this is applicable. They too are very lost.

Totally unsure what to do? Many good books can guide you and can be found in the library regarding the loss of a parent.

Remember, you will get much advice, but it is up to you to decide what is best for you. No two persons grieve the same way.

Talk to her if you want. Visit the cemetary if this is applicable. Don't try to put everything behind you as if nothing happened. You have experienced a great loss. If you are not getting any support, check for grief counselling in your area or support groups. These can be daunting at first in just attending a meeting, but they can be invaluable.

Finally, remember you are not alone. Everyday people loose a loved one and they too are hurting as you are. Reach out to people because, once again people do not know what to say to you.

And when people ask you how you are doing, do not say fine. Say how you are feeling at the time. I chose to adopt the phrase "taking one day at a time and doing best I can" and "some good days and some bad". This tells people things are not great and it might be a true reflection of how you are feeling.

Be true to your feelings, seek help when overwhelmed, and one day, the pain turns to a dull ache and later, just a saddness and then you become comfortable talking about Mom and laughing when you do speak of her.

Time does heal. Sometimes Johnny, it takes a long time. Be patient with yourself and remember you are still important to many.

Answer 2

yes. Obviously he was an important person in your life. Your new husband doesn't replace the old; he is another person that you love the same. My mother lost her first husband when she was 19 years old (26 years ago). He was killed by a drunk driver (who got out of prison last year) driving the wrong way on the expressway trying to commit suicide. She still looks at the old wedding album, and she used to visit the cemetery up until a few years ago. every time she drives past the place of the accident, she says a prayer; as do we all. She has been happily married with 11 children (all from the second husband, my father), but nothing will replace Bill. If you still feel that strongly for him it is normal. there isn't anything wrong or embarrasing about counseling though. just a thought. it can only help. Im terribly sorry, but there is more to life, and what you have now, in the living, is great; enjoy it. good luck

Answer 3

Remember the good times, forget the bad times go through the five steps of grieving, talk with the people that you love and remember her with and then start back to you life again. Remember that we all start dying the day we are born. remember that we never know when we are going to die. Did you mom live a decent life? Was she more happy than she was sad? if the answers are yes then she had is many steps ahead of most people on this planet, and after all she had you so she's leaving so part so part of her legacy on this planet. Remember that she wouldn't want you to go mental, she would want you to move on with your life because you never know when your numbers going to be up. Get better soon that is what your mom would want.

Answer 4

I am so sorry. This is a normal feeling. Time makes it better. For now you need to concentrate on yourself and get going on your life.
Cling to your family and talk frequently abou her.

Your Mother would want you to know she loves you and she wants you to be happy and have a good life and she will be watching over you too.

Is it possible for you to get some grief counseling or get into a grief support group? That might help you a lot. Talking about her and how you feel is really therapeutic

My Mom has been dead ten years and I miss her every day but I know I will see her again and she watches over me with my Dad.

Pray and ask for help and it will be given to you, whatever your religion of choice

Answer 5

You are not alone.
I just regret not having spent more time with my mother before she passed on.

It is always tough when we lose someone. We all know it's going to happen, but even though you are aware of it, still it seems to hurt so much when it actually occurs.

Seek out counseling and share your feelings with someone close because this will ease the pain a lot. Been there and know what it's like.

Answer 6

You know the saying time heals all wounds. It is not true. Healing heals wounds, but healing takes time.

Fine a councellor or just a good friends, someone to talk to, someone to be frustrated with life to. Someone who can be a sounding board where oyu can just say all the things that are one your mind.

Hold your mother close, never forget her, never forget the love. And always remember, life is what you make of it, you need to make the decisions about what to do to move on.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to read about your mom!!! I personally I understand you ...I lost my dad 2 year ago ...and it still hard for me !!! I'm not going to tell you ^^hope you feel better^^ cause even if i wish that for you i know its not that easy ...but I can tell you what to do!! cry 1 week if you want to 2 for more but that's it!!! Some times life its hard to understand and harder to get God plans ... but he always has a good reason!!! try to remember your mom with love and put all your effort to go on sow she can feel proud of your attitude...cause I'm sure she sees you from heaven...something i learn since the death of my daddy is that life is to short sow you have to use all the time you can get!!try to use all your time to tell all the people around you how you feel about them...how speciall they are for you...sow you dont have regrets of not telling them while you can...well take care

Answer 8

Time is the only Answer I can Offer!
Talking with Other Close family about her Life is A Great way to remember and celebrate Her Life!

Answer 9

realizing that you can see her again is of great comfort, the resurrection is a bible based hope that gives me great comfort.

(Job 14:14-15) 14 If an able-bodied man dies can he live again? All the days of my compulsory service I shall wait, Until my relief comes. 15 You will call, and I myself shall answer you. For the work of your hands you will have a yearning.

(John 5:28-29) 28 Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice 29 and come out, those who did good things to a resurrection of life,. . .

Answer 10

"Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death. Prior to our birth, we dwelled as spirit children with our Father in Heaven. There we eagerly anticipated the possibility of coming to earth and obtaining a physical body. But we regarded the returning home as the best part of that long-awaited trip, just as we do now. Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage through—and not around—the doors of death. We were born to die, and we die to live."

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