Watching films with stepkids who have hypocritical and/or contradictory belief systems?

Question

Watching DVDs w/step kids, they're Muslim from another country, ranging from 20-something to 10yrs old. Their father encourages and they believe that watching a film with grotesque violence--ppl’s heads being blown off, wild animals eating a person alive and other atrocities. However, for exp. they see a husband/wife do a three-second, goodbye kiss in an airport (like in the G/PG movies I rent) they will grab the remote and fast forwarding DVD in disgust. First I was perplexed. Now, months later, it's ANNOYING. Sometimes right after a kiss (quick or fast) the characters say something that is vital to the film. I often miss that b/c they FF it. Sometimes the youngest will FF b/c she THINKS a kiss MAY happen. One day when we were watching a PG Oscar winner they went to grab the remote to FF just before a kiss and I snatched it away and said, “You're being rude! U Don’t wanna see something, then close your eyes or look away.” They looked shocked at me but isn't what I said correct?

EAC they aren't watching "romances" I don't like romantic movies either. Stop making assumptions. Almost every movie is going to show a kiss some place even if at the very end. That doesn't make it a freakin' "romance" sheesh.

Vitamin C and a few other people have mentioned something about "do not force them to watch". Somehow my words were misread and it angers me when that happens. I do want anyone to WATCH what they do not want to watch. I CLEARLY advised them to close their eyes or turn their heads if they see something in a film they can't handle. This is what I do. I DO NOT grab the remote and FF under the assumption that everyone will want to miss what I want to miss in a film.

Answer 1

YES! That IS rude & inconsiderate. Furthermore, that 10yo should NOT be watching movies with body parts being blown up. I say put your foot down, as the mother-figure IN YOUR HOME. No sex, no violence, and what the hell is wrong with showing (clean) affection?

Answer 2

Ofcourse you are correct. And you know that is true.
They just have this different mindset because of the wat the way the father raised them.
And I dont think its right for the father to pass on his peronal issues he might have to his children.
You live in America for god sakes.
And you shouldnt go watching a good movie alone,
just because of this. But thats just my opinion.
If you do resort to such actions I hope it wont get any worse in your life.
It's a shame they are raised with these believes
They come to learn its disguisting to see people being so intimate.
And I really do think they really believe that.
Believe it or not, I myself FF or skip the parts when people kiss in a movie also.
Why? Well not because I hate intimacy, I just seen it a million times before and it really hurts me to see american movies only show beautifull people kiss. As if it where a given right only for pretty people. People raised with these images will be affected by it. I really believe that.
And yeah the scenes to me are always so obvious.
And that I have this also is a shame. Thats why this is so interesting to me what you just said.

I dont think it will help to just tell them that you been very patient with it already. You probably already tried.
Then again, I don't believe anybody can be brainwashed to dislike intimacy.
Everyone loves it, everybody needs it.
Maybe you can still try and ALSO let them see it your way. If they can't
50-50 I'd stay the F away.

Answer 3

I agree. While they have their beliefs, even though they're influenced by a parent, they have to accept that those things happen, and are acceptable in society.

The next time that happens (while holding the remote tightly) pause it and ask them why they insist on FF that scene. Carry out a fair, dignified conversation, where you give your opinion, and they tell you why they believe it's inappropriate. Don't however, tell them that their beliefs are wrong, since these views are from their father, and that could strain the children's relationship with you, due to contradicting influences.

Tell them that it happens, and that it's accepted, even in public. If their out, and they see someone kissing another, they can't go up and rip them apart, so they'll learn to have to live life with inconveniences (the older ones should understand this.)

If nothing else, tell them that kissing is natural in American cinema (you could even go as far as renting come classic "guy gets the girl" movies to show them), and that directors often put important parts in these areas, so when they FF, you might miss something.

Good luck.

Answer 4

These kids are not doing very well at all: if a grown "twenty something" adult is bothered when other adults (fictional movie characters in this case) express affection to eachother something is terribly wrong. At the very least, this particular individual is so immature as to warrant the counsel of a certified psychologist. Development seems to have been completely arrested at some point. This young adult is childish to the extreme. This childishness is evidenced by the fact that the individual literally behaves like a ten-year-old - despite being chronologically over twice that age!!!

They are each showing EXTREME disrespect towards you by acting as a self-appointed censor board (especially the "twenty-something" BRAT). Who owns the televison? I assume that you do. It's your property - NOT theirs. They are guests in your home. It is NOT their home. If I would have tried this one on with either of my parents my fingers would have been systematically broken. One attempt would have proved the last attempt. Ok, I'm exaggerating here a bit but I am just dumbstruck by their impudence!

Since this media is proving an endless source of strife the only thing to do is to "nix" it while they are in your home. Simply put: no movies, no televison AT ALL. Period, full stop. They are free to do their homework assignments while there, read books/magazines, practise their tai-chi...cook, clean, sort out the recycling...all that good stuff. You are free to do likewise. In no time at all they will be bored shitless and just a wee bit wiser when it dawns on them that their shameless disrespect is responsible for TELEVISION/MOVIE PRIVILEDGES being withdrawn. I would put the TV in the back of a closet: just get it out of sight. The expression on their faces when they see the gaping hole where telly USED TO BE will be true "Kodac Moments". The bottom line is that 10 year-olds are NOT in the decision-making seat. That seat is reserved for mature adults.

Answer 5

I know my answer is probably going to be a little different from most everybody else's, but please read it with an open mind. Imagine that this situation is turned around and that these kids are easily traumatized by extreme violence because they've never been exposed to it, but that their step parent has been exposed all his/her life and thinks it's nothing. Would it be fair for that step parent to force them to watch it because they think the kids are being silly and rude over a "little" violence? It is obvious that your step-children have either not been exposed to public shows of affection or have been taught that it is very bad to see it. Either way, it is obvious that seeing it is upsetting enough for these kids to grab the remote and fast forward through it knowing that you disapprove. This situation is all about perspective and realizing that what is totally normal for one culture may be a very traumatizing or embarrassing thing to see for another culture. Instead of trying to deprogram them and make them more like you, you may want to show understanding and acceptance of them exactly the way they are and ask them to do the same for you. You may want to explain to them that extreme violence is as traumatizing to you as public affection is to them. Try to come to a compromise on movie night and have an agreement to fast forward through any kind of public affection AND violence so that no one watching the movie will feel uncomfortable.

To most people of the Western culture, what the kids did would definitely be considered rude, but it is obvious that people of your step-children's culture would think what you are wanting them to watch (or hear with their eyes closed) is truly obscene. Learning to see life through the eyes of a person raised in a very different culture and asking them to try doing the same for you is going to be a very pivotal tool in eventually creating peace for this planet. The whole "I'm right and you're wrong" mentality of most cultures is going to have to go the way of the dodo sooner than later as so many people of different belief systems start mixing and intermarrying. Peace starts at home. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 6

The bible is the everlasting Word of the Living God and the opinions of man are irrelevant. It is not hypocritical, yet when people are confronted with truths that oppose their personal preference, it becomes hypocritical, sex-est, and/or contradictory. The reason non-believers say such things is that they have no clue as to what the bible really says. They might read it from a carnal point of view, yet the spiritual eyes of believers see so much more. These golden nuggets of truth are reserved for believers and hidden from the eyes of those who continue to walk in darkness. The Word of God is treasure that no man can afford.

Answer 7

Some like some things, some don't like things.

Having a preference is not being hypocrite. What is hypocrite is saying you like this when you actually don't like this, or you know, like watching a movie when you actually hate it.

And really, kids might like violences, but that doesn't mean that they also like romances. They aren't hypocrites when they don't want romance, they just expressing what they like.

Personally, I don't like movies with grotesque violence and heavy romance. Action and love I don't mind though.


As for what you should do.

Say, "behold movie watchers.
I do not watch what you watch,
nor you watch what I watch,
nor I will watch what you watch,
nor you will watch what I watch,
To you, your movies, and to me, my movies."

Answer 8

your t.v. = your rules.
i would only rent love stories from now on and if they don't want to watch they can go outside or to a different room. their choice and your remote.
let them know if all they want to see is violence they can go back to their own country. back to living like dogs. back to living the violence. back, back , back. if they can be so rude to you in your home you can most definately be more rude back. hhmm, there's that word again.

Answer 9

Yes YOU are correct.........and if it were me I'd take the time to enjoy a movie alone! Good Luck!

Answer 10

Those kids are jerks. Romance rulez, violence drooolz.