My boyfriend has been downloading "incest porn" what should I do?

Question

I'm 32 and I have children. I've known him for 12 years and he's a great guy, except for this shocking info.

Answer 1

You need to have your mind made up about what you're going to do in advance, before you speak to him about his viewing habits. Why? Because he's almost certain either to lie about it (it was a friend's, I opened the link by accident, etc.); or he will tell you it's no big deal, he was just curious; or he will plead temporary insanity and beg you to forgive him, that he will never look at incest porn again.

And are you going to believe him? What are the consequences of believing him? You are going to be tempted to believe him, because you probably don't want to face the consequences of believing that his sexuality is disordered and possibly dangerous. You're going to want to forget that it happened, and return to the way things were. He may have been doing this for a long time, only you never knew about it until now.

My advice is that you decide immediately, for the sake of your children and to avoid your potential future humiliation, to end this relationship. It will be very very difficult for you to ever prove, in the future, that he has changed his ways. It is also common for people who indulge themselves with immoral things to be avid liars and manipulators. So expect him not to be honest.

It is a commonplace that sexual misadventurers such as child molesters are "great people." People often say things like "I would never have suspected him." The point is, he has been deliberately hiding this from you. His "great guy" persona has helped make sure that he was above suspicion. But now you've caught him. Make the right decision.

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

Normally I'd say that guys just go through phases for downloading more extreme types of porn over the typical mainstream porn, but because you have kids you should be concerned.

I know that there were some incest themed movies created by mainstream pornstars in the 60s and 70s, and it could be that the material he downloaded was because of the featured pornstar and not necessarily the incest theme.

I'm not say that your boyfriend is a sexual predator, but it might be prudent to look into his background a bit further. If its just a few cartoon pictures, it could just be a passing interest, but if there are complete series of several dozen pictures, that could definitely be more serious. If he's a religious-type, definitely look into his background. It could be possible that he may have a record in another state. Typical incest porn revolves around the basic theme of an older family member teaching younger members about sex with hands-on experimentation. That comes a little too close to pedophilia in my book.

Answer 4

As a mom I'd worry, incest pron is disturbing to say the least. No curiosity should be of that nature. I assume it's with children in it? Then incest or not it's kiddie porn, from my own personal opinion I'd report it. Nice guys are the ones we'd least expect, to be perverts, look at how many people who molest children are teachers, priests, and even family members. And on the news you hear " He was suck a Nice guy I'd never thought he'd do anything like this". Report it, if not then keep him away from your kids and anyone Else's!


Good Luck..

Answer 5

I came from a different culture, so I might ask a couple of questions that might guide you to the answer:

1- is it ok to other types of porn? since I have seen some TV shows talking about couples watching porn together like part of the fun. personally I think it is the worst ever

2- does incest mean sexual activities with relatives? why are you considering your children in this?

3- how long have you stayed together? you said 12 years .. would that mean that there is something going on and that you need to renovate your relation and even your looks?

dont take my words as if it is ok for him to do so, but from the psychological point of view, confronting him with something that might scare him would end up with tragidy, either you are skilled in opening this subject in a nice way and comming up with a solution or to seek local profissional help

i hope this will help

Answer 6

This is really a touchy issue that would be best handled by professionals. The fact that you're seeking advice on this forum only proves that you're searching for answers that you want to hear. There could be many reasons why he reads that stuff and only an open and honest dialog with him will bring you the truth. However, you must be prepared to deal with the truth in your own fashion. Also, now that you've found his secret, the issue of trust between both of you has been breached and will be very hard, if not unlikely to recover. Be very open minded and realize that many people, both male and female harbor fantasies and that there is a multi-billion dollar industry that thrives because of it. If you truly love him, than forgiveness is always a good option.

Answer 7

It's no big deal. He probably has seen all the "regular" porn out there, or had enough of it. And if it's some kind of fantasy, let him have his fantasy. Online. And if that's his outlet or his fetish or just a phase of a hankerin for kinkyness, it harms no one.

I know, I know... "it hurts those poor girls..." bs. there are other ways those girls can make money without acting as some one's daughter making the beast with two backs with her pops and sister.

But I digress...

Try talking to him about it, it's awkward, but everyone masturbates. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable, whatever. Don't do anything drastic unless his online fantasy threatens to become a reality.

In a very roundabout way, my point is, actors in "incest" porn on the net are just that, "actors," and I don't know your guy, but if he has any sense he knows they're just actors. So maybe the action is just better or he found a site with good movies of actors bangin actors, maybe he's not a pervert. Maybe he is, I obviously don't know anything about him, but you, so use your judgement.

Answer 8

I think this problem of his is a MAJOR issue, but you shouldn't necessarily drop him like a hot potato. He definitely needs professional help, with you or without you. If it's worth the trouble for you, go with him to get counseling as a couple. Do you want him around your kids if he's unwilling to admit his illness and get treatment for it?

Answer 9

In the end Adam and eve populated the earth through incest and god loved it so much he wiped out the entire world in his flood so Noah and his family could repopulate the earth through incest a second time.

Answer 10

Tell him it's you or the porn. Definitely pray for him. May God bless you and your boyfriend.