Would you cook a separate meal for a picky stepdaugher?

Question

My youngest stepdaugher is 10 and is one of the pickiest eaters I have ever seen. It doesn't seem to matter what I cook, she doesn't want to eat it. I have made normal, everyday meals like I make for my kids and my husband, but she just snears at them and barely eats. A few times my husband has actually made her something different, but I don't think that he should cater to her just because her mother does. Her mom does cook her separate meals, and I refuse to. It is not like I am cooking disgusting food that most kids don't want to eat, like brussle sprouts or spinich. I have even cooked homemade chilie before and chicken tortilla soup and she turns up her nose at it. I told her one day that she would eat the meal or starve and she complained that I was mean to try to tell her she had to eat my "nasty food" or starve. I am beginning to wonder if she is doing it just to be disrespectful to me, because I don't cater to her like her mom does. Would you cook a separate meal?

Just an add in: She is one of 3 stepkids, and I have 2 of my own, so it is not always going to happen that I fix something that all 5 of them like.

Answer 1

definately not, she needs to learn respect- and to eat what every 1 else is eating , unless she fixes herself a sandwich or something she can do herself. thats what i would do, i think she is testing u. although i don't have any stepchildren and have never been in that situation, just some suggestions

Answer 2

Personally not unless there was a weight issue, if she was very underweight, yes I would, or a medical condition.

My son either eats what is served or he doesnt eat, I can honestly say he has rarely ever missed a meal, because I have done this since he was old enough to know the difference, most it in my mind is stubborness on the childs part, I mean its not like your serving liver and onions....

My son recently pulled a stunt at his daycare program when he was there for a full day off and claimed he didnt eat something and got a PBJ sandwich, I then told the staff not to cater to his needs, that he eats what they had (ham sandwiches). And yet again, never a problem.

I was raised in a home where you ate the dinner that was put on the table or you didnt eat. My fiance was catered too, and as an adult eats very little types of foods and refuses to try new ones.

Which I wont do for him either, I told him he is going lose quite a bit of weight when we get married lol!

Answer 3

Why don't you let each kid (yours and your stepdaughter) plan the menu once a week? They also have to help out in the kitchen on the day their meal is served, so this is a chance to talk in a co-operational environment.

The rest of the week . . . well, you *could* let her make her own meal, except that she has to follow certain dietary guidelines (two veggies, a meat and a starch), but there is a family solidarity to eating a meal together.

My daughter is 10, and she's really turned picky, too. I make her eat at least one bite of anything, then she's free to scoop up some rice from the rice cooker and have some fruit.

If you are in the US, you might let her have some bread or PBJ after she's had one bite of everything. Eventually, she'll get sick of eating the same stuff.

If she's only coming one day a week, is it possible that her mom would send along a meal she could eat? Or, ask her to fax the meal plan she'd like to eat (with dietary limits, of course) so you can do the shopping for it.

Do involve her and your other kids in the kitchen as much as you can, though.

Good luck!

Answer 4

It's hard going from one family set of rules to another, especially when one parent caters to you. The fact that you are the step-parent adds to the conflict as well I'm sure. I wouldn't cater to her by making a separate meal, however, in order to keep the peace and to ensure she doesn't feel YOU'RE just making the food she doesn't like in order to be nasty perhaps you could try having her help you plan the meals. It could be a bonding time for the 2 of you and would allow her to provide some input. This will give you a good perspective on whether or not she's truly trying to be difficult. If you sit down together and compromise on a list of foods to choose from and then plan out some meals together she'll know that her opinion is valued but you won't be giving in to her whims and letting her run the show. Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

I have a 5 year old niece and a 2 year old daughter who are the same way...I have to make my 2 yr old seperate meals, but when my niece comes over, I just open a can of speghettios for her.....her mom doesnt cook, but only feeds her chicken nuggets, so when I make real chicken or meals, she won't touch it....and if you make her try a bite before you get her something else, she will let it sit on her tongue for 5 minutes, not even chew it, and literally cry that she doesn't like it....I am worried about her because she looks very anemic, and one day, I gave her and my 4 year old daughter a bath together (killing tow birds with one stone) and my niece looked like those bone thin anorexic models you see on the runway....my 4 year old will at least try anything you give her, but eats everything pretty much.

you shouldn't have to make seperate meals for her, she is 10, she's old enough to know better than to act like that....if she doesn't eat it, then she will go hungry, and when she is hungry enough later on in the evening, give her the same thing.....she's trying to see how far she can push you

Answer 6

Absolutely not. Love the child, respect the child, care for the child, do not cook a whole separate meal for the child. You are a guardian, not a caterer. If you provide a tasty, healthy meal and avoid the things that she particularly hates, you are doing your duty and more. I suggest: Don't get into arguments about it. Give her her meal and be cheerful, friendly and sympathetic, and explain that this food is good enough for everyone else - if she chooses not to eat it, that is her decision, but you can't be expected to cook a different meal for each person.

Answer 7

You mentioned chilli and tortilla soup. Both of those are spicy. Maybe she doesn't care for spicy foods? Ten is still a pretty strange food age and I would expect a lot of 10 year olds wouldn't like chilli still. It's a time when they are just starting to explore new things.
I wouldn't recommend making a special meal for her. But if she doesn't like what is being served- she should be expected to try a little bit with the rest of the family. If she doesn't like it- she can then go make herself a sandwich or raviolli or something.
The more time goes on- the more she will begin to enjoy some of the things the rest of the family eats.

Answer 8

I would not cook her a separate meal. No way. My own kids were doing this to me. So, I sat them down and asked for their input. I said I wanted to know what they wanted me to cook. I asked them to help me with a grocery list. I said if they didn't help then they'd eat what i put in front of them with no complaints. This turned into them each having their own night to cook. Every week they each plan a meal to prepare and I help them in the kitchen. The rest of the nights I cook but with their input taken into consideration. My kids are 6 & 3 so I think your 10 yr. old stepdaughter is capable of providing some thought. Sit her down and explain you have tried to provide good meals that everyone can enjoy. Let her know you are frustrated and that maybe she can be of some help by providing some input on meal ideas. Go so far as to ask if she'd like to pick a night of the week that will be her night to cook. Maybe if you try to include her and she sees that you value her input, she'll come around.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Absolutely not. She will either learn to eat it and not complain, or she will not eat at all. Fixing her a completely separate meal will not fix this problem. She is going to have to learn that even if she doesnt' like everything that is on the table for dinner, she had better find soemthing that she'll eat. Life isn't always catered to exactly what she'll want, so she needs to learn to deal with it.
It also sounds like she might have a grudge towards you. Talk to your husband. Maybe you two could come up with a plan to change the way that she acts at dinnertime. Maybe your husband could cook and then you could act like you made it. Once she starts to complain about your cooking say, "But your father made it," and see if she changes her mind. That will definately tell you if she's got a grudge against you. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I haven't been through this myself, but these are just some suggestions that come to mind. Good luck to you and I hope that things get back on track.

Answer 10

I too have a step daughter who is ten. trust me she used to be picky and say "I don't eat cheese" and then next week it would be "I don't eat pizza" so I would lovingly make her something else. Well I am back in school and I have a 1 yr old and my hubby doesn't know how to cook. I do not have time to make her whatever she wants anymore. For the first two weeks she hardly ate and complained as I put whatever the rest of us were having in front of her. But she must of realized that I do not have time to be a short order cook anymore and she finishes her plate so I can rush off to school. That doesn't mean you don't take into consideration her likes and dislikes but that is a bad habit to start...good luck

Answer 11

keep in mind she's thinking like a 10 year old...if she is doing it to disrespect you because "you're trying to take her mothers place" (which im not saying you are, but back to the comment of thinking like a 10 year old) then she's feeling pain right now and doesnt know how to vent it, this is one way...it might make her feel better about her anger towards you, if there is any, by "being difficult." 10 year olds dont have the coping skills of adults. Or maybe she just truly is a picky eater...I was as a child, some things just tasted terrible to me...I wasnt trying to be difficult, but night after night of being told to eat food I truly thought tasted poorly, made me upset....I saw it as my parents not putting value on my opinion....it wasnt my fault it tasted bad to me, why did they not care about my feelings is the way I saw it then. For the time being I would offer to cook her seperate simple meals, if she is a picky eater, she cant help it...its just the way her taste buds work! :) If there is resentment towards you, then apease her for now, and try to talk to her about it...she may be having a diffcult time right now...not cooking her seperate meals could be seen by her as you fighting her. I hope this makes sense :)