How can I teach my 2 year old son patience?

Question

My husband has no patience and I am starting to notice that our son is taking after him. He gets mad and angry and makes these cute faces but I don't want him to grow up not knowing how to handle his frustrastion. I have read that Legos is a good patience building toy but so far they just seem to make my son even more frustrated. Does anyone have any advice on how I can teach my son patience or is this something that can't be controlled?

Yes, I understand that he is only two. However, I don't want him to become like his daddy. My husband has a hard time controlling his temper. It is better to teach him now than later when he is used to getting angry at everything.
My son does not get a lot of sweets. My husband and I don't like sweets so we don't keep them in the house. If my son does get candy/sweets it is at his grandparents house at that is only for special occassions.

Answer 1

It CAN be controlled, and it's good that you noticed it before it got to be too late. I think your first move is to sit down with daddy & have a nice calm conversation about it. Be sure not to yell back if he starts up.... It's not something you want to discuss with your son in the room, anyway. If your husband's way out of control with it, see how receptive he is to having it brought up in the first place, then maybe suggest counseling of some sort. (I live with a 30-year-old crybaby whinebag--temper included--so I've learned to ignore it, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant.)
Basically, what you want to enforce to your child is that certain actions and reactions are unacceptable, right? So obviously, you have to have hubby agree with this first. That's gonna be the hard part.
Where your son is concerned, it's perfectly fine for you to tell him "that is not okay," and "if you can't play nice with that, you don't need to play with it right now." It is perfectly fine to remove him from the situation and let him go cry out his frustrations. Put him in his room for a few minutes to have a fit, then sit down & talk about it with him. Once he learns to identify his feelings and the reasons for them, he can find new, more appropriate ways to express those feelings.

Answer 2

Is your child verbal? Can he express his feelings? Is it patience or frustration? Children, especially infants, learn through frustration. What do they do when they are frustrated? Punish the action, but not the feeling. Have the child relate to you how he feels. If he throws the Legos because he is upset because they are not going together quickly, punish the tantrum, but not the feeling. If he becomes frustrated and walks away from the problem, but then returns later to face it, that is a good trait. I have always been a fan of the Time Out if my child is acting out.

Also, talk to dad about his behavior. Do not do this when he is angry. Talk to him about how your son's behavior is reflecting your husband's. What are the good traits that Dad exhibits? Use them to start the conversation.

Above all, be consistent. Dad has to do this also. If Jr. is acting out, there has to be a fair consequence every time. Also, be fair. The attention span of a two year old is very short. You talked about Legos. I am sure you use the big ones, not the little ones which he could choke on. Good luck.

Answer 3

You have to get your husband to control himself much better. Your son sees his main influence over reacting to something...or having no patience..of course your son will see this as how to handle things. What a confusing message to him to say..be patient..when his dad is clearly not! Children learn what they see. add that on to the fact he is 2, and there is no patience in 2year olds as they are at the egocentric stage of life..and it's not looking good your son will get the concept of patience just yet. Work thru with you husband..he has to grow up abit and be more patience before expecting a 2 year old to rise above his dad and be more patience!

Answer 4

Mr. Rogers has a great episode about Waiting.(it's on a video called Mr. Rogers' Music Adventures) Go to your library and check out some of the other toddler videos that pertain to patience... I know there are several episodes of PBS shows (Dragon Tales, Calliou, Teletubbies, Barney, etc) about this.

Also, videos on anger managment too (Mr. Rogers has a lot on that too)

Also games like Candyland and Chutes and Ladders may be a bit above level of your toddler right now, but you can still use the game pieces... take the deck of cards in candyland and take turns picking a card off the top of the deck... taking turns is the first step in learning patience. when he learns to take turns with just you. then involve your husband.. then your toddler has to wait little longer. (this is also a good chance to learn colors!!)
Use the spinner with Chutes & Ladders to do the same.

With the legos, try dividing all the legos into two piles.. yours and his. then put one lego out in the middle of the floor, in between. Then take turns stacking legos on top of each other... not to build anything specific.. a wall or tower is fine.

oh, and even though those faces are cute, i hope you're not letting him know you think that... he may be acting out because he gets the reward of knowing you think he's cute when he does it.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Kids are great. I've noticed with my 5 year old that she has basically picked up on all of my and my wife's bad habits. Kids learn not by what we tell them, but what we model for them day in and day out.

2 year olds don't have much patience anyway. I wouldn't be too worried about it at this point. However, don't reinforce it either. Start by being patient with him. Show him how patient you are.

One time I was in the store with my daughter when she was 3. She wanted to stand in the cart while I went around the store. I told her "no, you have to sit". She insisted on standing. We stood by the milk isle for about 20 minutes. I didn't get upset, or try and force her to sit down. I just told her that we weren't going to move until she sat down. This was a great lesson on patience for both of us. After she sat down, we went about the shopping. No trauma and no drama.

You can't fake this stuff. There are no tricks to learning patience or any other virtues. Kids need to be modeled these behaviors daily. They will get it, but it has to start with you and your husband.

Answer 6

It takes a long time to learn patience, and many people never do. You can't force it. The best way to teach your son is by being patient yourself - be a positive role model (this really goes for anything you want him to learn). Remember, what you do and how you act is more powerful than what you say.
Best of luck!

Answer 7

I am taking parenting classes and watched a video the other day of teaching your child patience. If your son is asking for something, simply say "hold on for a second", count to 5, and then hand him the object. And the next time, count to 10, and so on and so forth. I have found that it works great with my toddlers.

Answer 8

The good news is that this is all normal behavior. You need to ignore the tantrums. Make sure he is safe and walk out of the room. I used to pretend that I was reading a book and my boys would stop as soon as they noticed that I was ignoring them. For the biting and hitting, I would give him a time out or put him in the corner. For my boys the corner worked best. They get a minute for every year old they are. So your son would have to be in the corner or timeout for 2 minutes. IF he gets out or trys to walk away walk him back in and start timing all over again. It shouldn't take more then a couple of days to get things under control.

Answer 9

The following is from my experience and what I've learned.
For most 2 year olds the way they learn the most, is by watching the parents. We model our behavior to them as they watch and listen to us interact with each other. Think with me for a minute. Your 2 yr old is learning how to treat his Mommy by watching his Dad and seeing how he treats his Mommy. Your Little one will match the tone of your speech, the look on your face and act the way he sees the ones he loves and trusts act. Dad is his hero and he will do his best to act just like him.
In my house my wife and I agreed to not act up in front of the kids during their most fordable years( which is 0-5). We held our tongues and our emotions until our kids were out of the room and out of ear shot. Let me tell you that was very hard at times.We knew that our children are a product of our environment. What we allowed them to see and learn...was learned. It's no ones fault but ours.
A wise man once wrote that love is patient. For your son to learn patience in has to be shown to him by his Father.

Answer 10

well when your son asks for something say just a minute mommy needs to wash my hands or do a little something before just going and doing. if you dont work on this now you will have a lil monster on your hands lol i didnt do this with my son now he is 7 and tries to throw a fit if i dont awnser to his demand lol but usually this gets him put in his room. but my 2 yr old i am working with her on it now. and she does really good. i wish i would of started earlier with my son. but when your son asks for a drink or can you get me this or that just say yes in a second and finish what you are doing. or if doing nothing say let me wash my hands first. it might not seem like much but every minute he waits patiently say thank you for waiting and being so good. that will let him know he did a good thing even if he isnt to sure of what he did but he will learn. and if your looking for something that will help settle him in a time consuming activity then you can get the mega blocks the bigger blocks that are really easy to stack and the wooden puzzles that only has like 8 pieces on it and not only will this keep him busy it will teach him good hand and eye coordination. and another thing you can do with him is let him help you make cookie dough and help put it on the pan then when it goes in the oven tell him now we have to wait for them to cook and set the timer and tell him when the timer goes off they will be done. that will help him learn that somethings you just have to wait for.