My husband joined the army recently. He wants to come home and I need to help him find out how. Please help :(

Question

He found out after arriving to bootcamp that he'll miss the birth of our first child. He wants desperately to come home and approach his life differently. We are in need of information of how he can come home with minimal reprecussions. Please, we're not looking for criticism (as we know there's a lot), we just need positive help... thank you all..

Answer 1

While in basic training, there are only three general types of discharges he can even be considered for: Punitive (misbehavior), medical, and what are known as Chapter 11 or Entry Level Performance and Conduct (called chapter 11 because it is the guiding regulation AR 635-200, Chapter 11). A punitive discharge he DOES NOT WANT. They usually come officially characterized as Other Than Honorable or Bad Conduct discharges (these are very bad) and those will haunt him on every job application or back ground check he has to process. Medical is possible and are normally officially declared as General or Honorable (these are very good). The drawback there is first he would have to get hurt real bad (don't want that), and 2nd it seems to take forever to actually get a soldier through this process - he won't be home for a long long time while he waits and the medical community evaluates and tests him. The Chapter 11 can only be applied for under 4 specific grounds: inability, lack of reasonable effort, failure to adapt to the military environment, and minor disciplinary infractions. A Chapter 11 is almost always characterized as a General discharge (not good, but not bad either), so it has no severe long term damage. The biggest blow will be a nearly complete loss of all veterans benefits. HOWEVER, it is critical to know that whichever discharge he applies for, the situation involving him is BONA FIDE (real and not made-up). The Army will investigate and his chain of command will be required to write formal memorandums attesting to the facts. Your husband will more than likely also be required to complete a formal Sworn Statement attesting to whatever issue is prohibiting him from service. If he has no ACTUAL issues, and it is proven, he can be prosecuted. On the other hand, if he truly is unable to adapt or incapable of performing the tasks directed, then a discharge based on AR 635-200, Chapter 11 (I copied a link to this regulation below) is what he needs to file. I am going to be brutally honest here, based on the information you provided, were I his Commanding Officer, I do not believe that he has a legitimate discharge application. So for your sake, I am hoping there is information you have not spoken about that does apply to the regulation. I wish you and yours the best - take this decision VERY seriously - its implication has more than just legal issues: how will your friends react? Your Family? The community? Your Church? Think all that through before acting - just a suggestion.

Answer 2

You have to do what your heart is telling you to do. As a former military wife, seperations are hard enough just when the spouse is on deployment. I can't imagine the two of you being stationed apart for years. Honestly, I don't see how it can work. Why is your husband now wanting to join the Army after you've already been in? If he knew you wanted to join the Marines after you finished with the Army, then he should have been supportive of your decision since you're the one who was in the service first. I can see spouses being in the same service because they usually do work with you on your duty stations, but two seperate services? I'm not understanding his reasons. A marriage takes work, and that just can't happen if you're both living apart from each other. It wouldn't be fair to either one of you. As for going to MEPS, that's no big deal. My husband was a Marine recruiter for 6 years and you can always just tell your recruiter you no longer wish to go. Of course he will still try to sell you on going, but they cannot force you to go. I wish you luck because this is a difficult decision to make for you because you always wanted to be a Marine.

Answer 3

There's not really a way to get out at this point. The only thing he can do is royally screw up on purpose and hope for a dishonorable discharge. I don't recommend this, as it can seriously damage his chances of getting a good job later down the line. They are not going to let him out because he is going to miss the birth of a child - LOTS of soldiers miss their children's births. Unfortunately it happens literally every day, it's just a part of being a military family.

I would say you the best thing to do is probably just deal with it. He signed a contract and it's going to be difficult or impossible to get out of it because the Army needs people so badly right now. Also, the free medical benefits are really beneficial for you and the baby right now. After basic, his life (and yours) will get a lot better. My husband wanted to quit and leave during basic, but now he loves his job (and so do I). It will get better. Being a military family is really hard but it's really rewarding. Good luck.

Answer 4

He may be able to get leave to see the child depends on how long he has been gone. The Army is a great life if you ask me.
My ex husband has been in now for 14 years and has a wonderful new job state side, he is still Army and very happy. He did his time in Iraq and is proud of it.
We are not married anymore but are great friends, we have a son together. We have made many good friends along the way, the Army is like a family.
What ever happens Good Luck.

Answer 5

There is too much information missing to properly inform you what needs to be done. I highly recommend him speaking to his First Sergeant there. The First Sergeant will give him his options, if any. I would have him address his concerns privately with his instructor before going to the First Sergeant there, but tell him to keep his military bearing at all times.

Also, if he is in boot camp, there is a time frame where he can say the military isn't for him and the military doesn't hold it against them. It's failure to adapt, but nothing bad goes on your records. I am not sure of the time frame, but there is one. He would also not be able to join the service after that if he decides later on he should have stayed in.

He should have spoken with his recruiter before going off to boot camp. Things would have been much simpler, but then the military would not have paid for the birth of your child.

Once again, have him talk to his first sergeant. The military isn't a bad way of life, actually it is pretty good, and it does have benefits. The pay isn't much at first, but you can survive. I would consider very carefully if it is worth him getting out.

Answer 6

I am a father of two US Army soldiers. Both of which served in Iraq. Having said this I feel for you. It is quiclkly going from worse to choas into hell on earth.
As far as I know your husband is in the Army for the duration of his agreed enlistment contract and possibly beyond. The Army bureacracy wheels turn so very slowly.
My youngest son was wounded severly by a bomb. His injuries were to the extent he coul no longer be part of the Army. Yet even with his injuries it still took about 11 months for them to discharge him.
Seeing the reasons for his request I would give him maybe a tenth of one percent out of a 100 percent he will be able to come home when he wants.
I don't want to discourage you but help you. The quicker you and your husband realize that this is a situation that will most not likely be resolved the better off both of you will be. For if you don't you will be adding misery upon sadness each and everyday.
If I were to see any light at the end of the tunnel for you would be the result of the last election. The American people sent a strong message that we are sick and tired of this stupid war and we need to bring our boys and girls home. Lets hope the President gets this message we sent him at the voting booth and brings them home. If not lets hope the democrats have hearings after hearings to expose the secret deeds that went on to lie to the American people. MAYBE there would result such a public outcry that it would make political heads roll.

Answer 7

Minimum reprocussions?

Why not just punch a high ranking officer a few times and get a nice dishonorable discharge?

I'm sure this is very tough for you, being the ONLY military family to have a birth of a child during a tour on foreign soil.....

Don't worry about the criticism. With that kind of attitude, he's more of a danger to his missions than he is a help, and I wholeheartedly support the idea of seperating the men from the little boys. They are probably in the process of that right now.

He should have thought of approaching his life differently before.

Semper Fi!

Answer 8

hi. when your husband joined the army, they had to of told him his report date to basic training and how long it would be. after basic training he does get some leave time, not much but he gets some before he goes to a.i.t.
your question to me is that he wants to be home for the birth of your child and also he wants to be out of the military, being that you said he wants to approach his life differently.
i know you want positive feed back from people and your not looking for criticism.
is this the first time he has been away from home? trust me they get lonely, depressed and go through so much being away. also this is a new life style for the both of you. military spouses can help out so much in so many ways by being supportive and postivie and reassuring that every thing is gonna be ok.

Answer 9

A soldier can get out with an honorable discharge within the first six months of enlistment. If he says that he just can't stand it anymore and wants to go home or he'll go crazy, he can get out under what is called 'failure to adapt to military life'. I had several guys get out for that in my bootcamp. They were just screw ups, though. It's not a prison sentence, but he'll have to do some acting to convince them. They'll try to keep him with counseling and such. He just needs to keep screwing up and they'll let him out. Fail every PT test, rifle range, fall out of every march, do a lousy job keeping his gear neat and clean, turn left when they say right, march on the wrong foot, don't shower, etc.

Answer 10

there really isnt anyway unless he goes a wall. if he does that as i have heard he can go to jail or it stays in his record and will never be able to get a good job unless you guys already have money and start your own bussiness. my husband almost missed the birth of our first child and MISSED the birth of our second child. Its really hard to have him gone but it makes you stronger. I didnt know anyone here... i really dont want to make friends either cause ive heard alot of stuff on military wives on this base and i want to avoid that. other than that all you can do is go with it and pray. good luck