Why do pastors in Indiana make you take a compatibility test?

Question

We are planning on getting married in may and the pastor we picked is having us take a compatibilty test and i was just wondering why...and another thing..if we have our reception in one town should we get married in that same town or would it be bad if we got marriend a half hour away..which would be better?

Answer 1

Not all pastors make you take such a test. But this one must think it's a good idea. And what happens if you fail the test? Does that mean your marriage is doomed?

Has he asked you any questions like;

Once married, who will be responsible paying the bills & keeping track of the checkbook?
How often do you want to invite people to your home?
When you're sick how much sympathy do you want?
How will you spend your weekends?

I had one bride have her wedding in the town where she lived & had friends. Her immediate family attended. Then for the reception they had it in her home town later that same day which was 3 hrs. away. Before the reception, they had the ring exchange ceremony so the family could be apart of the wedding, too.

It's unusual to have the reception that far away from the wedding site. Alot of people will opt not to go. Why don't you see about having the wedding where you're wanting the reception or at least a bit closer?

Answer 2

In Minnesota, if you go through a premarriage program (through a church, counseling agency, etc.) that includes a premarital inventory, the state gives you a substantial discount on your marriage license. The reason is that there is research showing that this does increase the chances that a marriage will continue, at least for the early years. It probably is not so much a "test", although you may get scores, but an opportunity to make sure you have talked about the important issues for your marriage BEFORE you are married. It's amazing the things engaged couples haven't gotten around to discussing. No conversations on the honeymoon like this, please: "Twelve kids?!? I don't want any!" or "What do you mean you don't think married women should work?" Truly, it can be fun. Think of it as a chance to get to know one another better.
As to the reception, what do people in your area commonly do? I've been to weddings where the reception is held some distance from the wedding site... but there's something nice about the convenience of location. Does the pastor have any expectations about the place you will be married? Some churches do, others don't.
At any rate, if you do have two locations make sure you have great directions/maps to both or you will lose some people.
Blessings on your wedding and even more on your marriage. And remember that you had to take a test for your driver's license...isn't this even more important?

Answer 3

I live in southeastern Indiana, and I don't know anyone who was made to take a compatibility test before they married. I think if my boyfriend and I took one, we'd probably fail it, we are so different in our likes and dislikes.

As for the ceremony and reception, I think that 1/2 hour away isn't so bad, depending on the area, but two different towns is a bit much. It makes it seem further apart then only 30 minutes. Don't be surprised if some people don't show up at the reception after leaving the ceremony, or if some people who aren't at the ceremony appear at the reception. Is there no way that you can just pick one town or the other?

Answer 4

A responsible pastor is concerned that your marriage last for eternity. He /she is not a JP performing a state required action w/ no concern for your life 1 month from now. A compatability test helps you be aware of some of the key issues in marriage that may not have been discussed yet:
a) Kids - how many/how soon/who is responsible for birth control?
b) Credit cards - run at the max or held as emergency?
c) Who will handle the checkbook/the major investments?
d) What are our financial goals - house/college for kids
e) Education - anyone going for more?
f) What debts is each party bringing into the relationship?
g) Pre Nuptial - needed?
h) Religion - whose?
i) Fighting rules
j) Who handles the cars ie. lube etc. / ditto house - paint etc.

If you hold your reception 1/2 hour away, expect a drop off in those making the trip. If you are holding an $ reception, you will need a strongly worded RSVP to be sure people hold to the travel. In general - same town works so much easier for all concerned.

Congratulations.

Answer 5

Many pastors/preachers will have couples go through some kind of pre-marital counseling prior to performing the wedding. If you don't want to do it, generally the pastor won't be willing to perform the ceremony. It's not a state thing, it's a personal preference thing.

On having the ceremony and reception in the same town or not, that's your decision to make. I would consider your guests though. By having the ceremony and reception such a distrance apart, you may have people come to the ceremony, then go home. You might want to consider having them closer. But, if you LOVE the ceremony site, and you LOVE the reception site, and they're 1/2 hours drive apart, then so be it. Those people who love you will be there no matter what. Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

1) the reason for the test may be because divorces are on the rise and if you and your mate aren't compatible enough you'll see where it is you will both need to compromise ... it should be harder to get married than divorced.
2) you should keep the marriage & reception close together, 1/2 an hour apart is a big difference ... the 2 places should either be connected or a 10 min drive at the most.

Answer 7

It's not just in Indiana. It's done throughout the country and by many denominations.

It's done to make people realize what issues can and may arise during marriage that they may not have thought about or discussed with their fiances. View it as a tool to help you become aware of where the potential pratfalls may come, and not as someone forcing you to figure out whether you're truly meant to be together.

Answer 8

All pastors at all parishes make couples take personality tests...it gives them a starting off point with what they are dealing with and it helps them personally tailor your sessions.

Answer 9

*sniff* It makes me proud to have been born a Hoosier... You gotta keep in mind, back interior the 1930's the Klan ran issues in that state and there're nevertheless a great form of self reliant @$$ININE people who roam the northern plains and the southern hills of my community state...

Answer 10

Unless you're providing transit for the kind people coming to your wedding, it's kinda rude to make it difficult for people without cars to attend.