Okay, is a very intelligent and mature 19 year old too young for a very bubbly and young spirited 35 year old?

Question

I met this guy and we seemed to hit it off great. Our personalities clicked well. I don't think either of us realized that the gap was as big as it is but now I'm wondering if it would be weird to pursue anything, even if it's just to hang out and see how things go. Any men around 35 could maybe give me some insight on the situation? How would you feel if you met a very smart and witty girl whom you were very attracted to and interested, only to find that she is a lot younger than you....

Answer 1

yes too young

Answer 2

Well frankly, yes. It's too young. For most, that is anywhere from one year out of, to still in high school. There are so many things that a 19 year old has left to experience. Your first major job, the possibility of college, the chance to live on your own... The best idea is to wait until you are financially secure to have a child. That would be living on your own, having bills to pay, having your own car and insurance, and having a job that is paying you well enough, but also providing insurance and a viable chance to grown within the compay - so five years from now you're not making the same money (because kids get expensive with time.) Once you are established then it would be time. And, I know thirty somethings that are still not in that position. And, as much as I don't want to offend single mothers/fathers, it is much easier to have a child with a long term partner (I.E. husband/wife.) That way you have some assurance that the partner isn't going to change his or her mind and simply walk away (or something to the equivlant.) Also, once you've been with someone for a few years, the emotions are much stronger and hence it's much more likely that they will be there for you when you need it, and you can depend on that person to be on diaper detail when you've been up all night and simply must take an hours nap...if you know what I mean. Don't be in such a hurry. Live a little first. Your eggs will still be there next year....

Answer 3

Bubbly? I think you've been hittin' the bubbly too much!
You're a woman, he's barely past being a boy. If you had a 19 yr old daughter, would you want her dating a 35 yr. old man?
Sounds to me like you are going to go ahead and do whatever you want to do any way and blame it on "fate" -absolving yourself supposedly from any responsibility in this matter--when actually life for the most part is a series of personal decisions we make. Least you think me hard hearted, I think calling it off before it begins is the kindest advice I could offer you. Remember "Mrs. Robinson"? He went for the younger chick- his age- in the long run. Learn the lesson. If he were two or three years younger than you that wouldn't be such a big deal--especially as you both aged--but let's use some common sense, or cast it to the wind if you want, but remember the results will be the results of your decisions and actions. Wouldn't that be wonderful if you got PG, try explaining that to your friends and family.
-Spec

Answer 4

I would say that you should have fun with this person. Even though this person may seem mature. In reality this person has a lot of growing up to do. Eventually if you stay with this person it will drive you crazy. Your older and your youth will not be there forever so what can you do about that, when he's looking at girls much younger than you and your always wondering if he's being true to you, what are you going to do? Be miserable. So I'd say enjoy the ride but make sure you get out in time before anyone gets hurt.

Answer 5

It is obvious that you feel flattered by the attentions and intentions of this young man. Who wouldn't?

Asking men what they would do in a role reversal is totally uncalled for and irrelvant to your situation. Men think only from their prospective with only sex on their mind. a 19 year old girl is perfect for a 35 year old male. |f its simply sex that they are looking for.

You on the other hand try to justify your 'relationship' by identifying your male as 'intelligent and mature' and you as 'bubbly and young spirited'. The fact of the matter is this 19 year old is a teenager. He has not devloped emotionally. He may be phyically mature however mentally he is not. He has not had the experience of life like you have. He is a mere child.

Why don't you spare this child the heartache that will inevitably plague your relationship and allow him to develop and grow with someone his own age. Maybe you should try and develop confidence to find a man of your approximate age and deal with issues surrounding this. Leave this poor child alone.

Answer 6

Nothing wrong with the age difference if the two of you are open-minded enough. My advice: avoid getting too intimate too soon. Get to know each other's personalities, values, goals, and interests before you become very romantic. Get to know each other's families, too. I will say this caveat: a man in his 30s is already set in his personality; he will not change much. However, a woman in her late teens/early 20s will change quite a lot over the next 10 years of her life. So, take it very slow, but don't let the age difference keep you from being with what might be the love of your life. Ignore any stupid negative comments from others like "you need to get out there and play the field, you're too young, etc".

Answer 7

I'm not a middle aged man but....I've dated a couple and I have some important insights for you. Stay away from Mr. Bubbly, it's a trap.

guys that will date a young woman have issues. You may not see them now, but you will see them later. Painful issues, and they will try to take you down with them. The only lesson they have to teach you is a bitter one.

Older guys go for the younger women because young women want to please. So they become demanding, knowing you will do what they ask. Young women have gorgeous bodies, and now the older guys have bragging rights with their friends. It's an ego trip for them.

I truly hope that you find the perfect man that's close to your age (not all youngsters are moronic jerks) it'll pay off in the long run.

Answer 8

Well I'm not going to say yes or no but I am going to say you need to look at this at a different angel. His been dating for 20yrs? Compared to you dating for what maybe 4yrs? Don't you think that he may just know the hook up and knows how to talk? His been there, and done that so if you decide to get involved under any reason you need to remember he does have experience in the field and you could be setting yourself up to get hurt. Older men can be very charming but that doesn't make him safer. And if his not been married already then if your looking for that in him don't hold your breath,, most older guys and even alot of women just don't get married after being alone so long. They tend to get a bit jittery about the whole thing. They work at a career and build themselves up financially and getting married isn't always an option. Even just hanging out would be bad if you were the one that got hurt. Just remember their establish and they may look at you as being too young or to immature for them. Hanging with you they'll do, but if they feel that your developing feeling for them then they probably bail on you. They've stayed single for a reason. If they have been married before they may not be as established as you may want. They may have to pay child support and then before you know it your having to listen to all his complaints of the EX- wife. And then you have to win over his kids to like you. And if your ideas are to get married one day and have kids then do it with someone that doesn't have an EX-wife and kids already. Besides he may not want any more kids.

Answer 9

I'm sure he feels like the luckiest guy in the world right now. Hey if you guys don't have a problem with the age difference, then you shouldn't let anyone else have a problem with it either. That being said, you are 19 and probably not as well-rounded or experienced as you think you are. You still may be trying to understand who you are exactly.

Answer 10

Are you kidding? Almost any 35 year old man would love to jump on at 19 year old, but when he's had his fun don't expect him to stay. Sorry, that's just too much of an age difference for a relationship to last.

Answer 11

I am about to be 35 :)
I would run for the friggin hills. I bet you are a wonderful woman, but a woman at 19 if not the same as a woman at 22, or 25, or... you get my point. Age is just a number, but it also indicates where people are in their lives and such a wide difference is too much.
Granted it would crush me, but I would avoid any extended contact.