Why do guys cheat?

Question

I've been with the same guy over 2 years, never cheated on him, never told him "no" when he wanted it, we were creative, spontanious and VERY intune with pleasing each other - not to mention (I thought) very in love with each other. So, why did he cheat? And I just found out it's been MORE than once! Seems like he cheated every chance he got!!! He even admitted it but says "But, I love you!" What the heck is that?

Answer 1

First of all, it's not you, it's him. Do not take this personally.
I understand that you must be feeling violated, insulted, victimized, and that you might be lacking something. Do not allow yourself to take ANY responsibility for HIS actions. YOU have NOTHING to do with HIS problem (any more than you would have control over a cocaine addiction or something like that).


When the new relationship chemical overproduction subsides (adrenaline, dopaine, norepenepherine, endorphins) and give way to different chemicals that promote long-term acceptance and comfort, people miss the "rush" and instead of doing something about it (exercise together, continued dating and flirting with each other) they sometimes seek that feeling elsewhere.

This is why serial daters never stay in relationships long, and players avoid relationships alltogether, and some guys become porn addicts. They are addicted to that "rush".

It's wrong and it lacks integrity, to seek fulfillment outside a relationship. Why would someone do this to the one they love? Maybe they want to "get back at" their partner in a passive-aggressive way because they fear confrontation. Maybe they feel inadequate or emasculated, and don't know how to ask for what they need. Maybe they figure that they will be rejected if they do. Maybe they need to feel more powerful and attractive, and having an affair in their back pocket gives them that feeling. Maybe they are too insecure about who they really are, so they fear the emotional intimacy that comes with relationsips.

Whatever the case, I would not forgive him or tolerate it. I would raise my standards if I were you. If he was able to justify his behavior in his own mind (more than once) then he doesn't "get it" and he never will. It is all about HIM, what HE needs, what HE wants, and what HE thinks he deserves. it will never be about you. That is what being with a narcissistic person is about. If you stay with him, you condone it.

Women are biologically pre-programmed to fear abandonment, because before modern civilization, it meant a death sentance. Today, women are just fine on their own and thriving.

Just think about how great it would be if you raised your standards, and you only bothered with a man who was so good to you, that you felt like bragging to all your friends about him?

His behavior doesn't match what he says to you. DUH. It is both an insult to your intelligence, but also disrespectful to your ability to cope with truth.

People lie for two reasons. 1-they are ashamed because they know they have wronged, and 2-because they themselves cannot handle the consequences of the truth.

You deserve better than to sit there and wait for HIM to decide what YOU are going to do with YOUR life. Move on and quit worrying about him, and start taking care of YOU from now on.

Answer 2

All guys dont cheat, there are some that are really good and respectful but there are the dumb a** jerks that want their cake and ice cream and eat it too. You dont need him. They always say that they loved you while they were doing wrong. Well if you loved me so why the h**l would you do it, thats what I would ask. Was you thinking about me while you was cheating or was you too caught up in the moment to think of me then since you love me soo.
Gilr please dump him dont let him think he can do whatever he want to you and you will still be there. He could have bought you a STD back or something you dont know if he was safe all the time or not, DUMP HIM

Answer 3

You have been with a player for the past 2 years, once a cheat always a cheat. Time to dump him. If I wasn't married, or if I was cheat, I'd be hitting on you. But just to show you all of us men are not the same, I'm gonna have to tell, you "Sorry Babe, but I'm married". You do sound very HOT though, so I don't think you will have any problems finding a nice "Honest" man........Good Luck !

Answer 4

Wow - that's a heck of a question. And a really good one.

First off - I'm a guy, straight, been in a number of relationships. And I've cheated on one person in a long term relationship, and been totally loyal in another (we're talking five years kind of relationships).

In the one I cheated in, there were a couple of things that drove me to do it. One was simple loneliness. We weren't really talking all that much, and I wanted someone to talk to, so I turned to an ex-gfriend who was similarly lonely - and was a horny girl.

So I had 'reason' and opportunity - so I cheated. It was a stupid and immature choice. I should have talked to my partner about how I felt.

In the other, where I didn't cheat, I did talk with her (we talked a lot actually) and I kind of avoided any opportunity to cheat. I was sometimes tempted early on - but I refused.

In that case, I was simply more mature. Some guys never grow up, and invariably cheat. Some guys grow up early, some later and like I said - some simply don't.

In my experience the general cut off is about 30 years old. Guys seem to either grow up by then, or they simply don't get it, and continue to cheat.

Why do guys do it? Some is genetics (and women have the same issue), constantly seeking to 'seed' as many people as possible.

A study of human sexuality found that women generally cheat when they are most fertile, for instance. And that something like 10-20% of guys are raising kids that aren't there own, and don't even know it... so women cheat as well.

In your case - I think he probably does love you in his own way. But he's not mature enough to be loyal to you, despite all your intimate efforts.

You sound like a great life partner, loyal, intelligent, sexually exciting... you might want to find someone who recognizes those traits in you, admires them, and is similar in loyalty.

I don't know how old you are - but I would certainly love a partner like you. Any mature man would be honored to have you as a gfriend, fiance and spouse. And not cheat on you.

I should also say that part of my response is based on indications that the woman I was loyal to for five years was cheating on me. A couple of times early on that I know of - she admitted to those - and probably many other times.

Never gave up on her though - until she moved in with another guy...

Save yourself the pain and find a man who appreciates you for who and what you are.

You deserve that.

Just my opinion.

-dh

Answer 5

I am a woman, so I can't tell you why, I can tell you what I think. I think that some guys treat us like clothes, like their favorite outfit. They may love that one outfit, but everytime they see something new, they just gotta have it. It's in their hormones or genes or something. Some guys really do love that one special girl, but have to have sex with others. But it's always that one girl that can have everything while the others are just a booty call. I guess in your case, your the special one. Some guys are scared of a commitment and need to mess up to make sure they are still in control. Some just listen to that one friend that's really not a friend and want to bring him down. Either way, alot of guys cheat. Don't get it twisted though. There are a few good men who won't cheat, you just gotta be a good girl and watch them come to you.

Answer 6

It was because he was not grown up or mature some guys never do grow past this point where they feel they have to spread there wild oats. To put it simply he never really loved you he used you as a stable platform to rebound back to when he struck out that night, you where used plain and simple, Kick his *** out and spread the word as fast as you can to all of your girlfriends. I do not want you to be discouraged though, some of us guys are loving and caring, I would never and i mean never cheat on my wife I love her and could not do that to some one I love, no matter how tempting or willing the girl might be. So remember this there are a lot of guys out there and about 1/2 of us are good guys, the other half well unfortunately you found out the hard way.

Answer 7

I think every human cheats. You have to be careful and observe whether the guy is trustworth before you give in. Sometimes it is also hard to tell as environment and many factors may change someone. If the guy is not decisive what he wants, then he may tell you different things every time. Don't be cheated by sweet talk. I think if the guy repeatly cheated you, you have to make it clear to him and give him a warning or the final chance. It is important to know someone trustworth right at the begining, or you may regret in the future.

Answer 8

The same reason women do. Do not think that it is only men who cheat. I know lots of men who have asked the same question and would not have thought of cheating. It's human nature for some people to look for more variety in a partner. Not a lot you can do about human nature except walk away from someone you can't trust.

Answer 9

I dated a guy some years in the past that i did no longer recognize till 3 months into the dating that he became married! adult men cheat and girls cheat. it rather is exceedingly plenty even for the main area. Years later I suddenly met him and via that factor we had the two replaced plenty. He became divorced and that i became nonetheless single. He needed to flow to lunch with me so I agreed. After a pair of lunch dates we've been in a communique approximately somebody we the two knew that became cheating on somebody else. So I asked him...What makes a guy prefer to cheat? First he mentioned that ladies folk cheat too...which I agreed to and then he asked me a question...He pointed to his glass of water and asked me what I observed. I advised him the glass became 0.5 finished. He mentioned precisely!! whilst a guy or woman feels that they are no longer getting what they experience they choose or prefer they flow out searching for a thank you to "replenish"...or fullfill a choose this is lacking or lacking of their existence. I gave him a humorous look and mentioned that a extra useful thank you to restoration that issue may be to talk to the guy who's in the dating with you and artwork on the matters as a replace of searching for a thank you to "fill the glass"! He agreed yet mentioned from time to time a dating reaches a factor the place verbal replace is in certainty long previous. I asked why do no longer you in basic terms harm up or divorce then as a replace of staying in a dating this is unfullfilling? He mentioned from time to time the physique is in a position to flow on yet no longer the midsection or strategies...i think i will see that throughout the time of a definite way yet i don't recognize...appeared like a cop out to me yet I wasn't him! good now you experience sorry for your self. This has hit you annoying because of the fact for the 1st time somebody has surely harm you as a replace of any different way around. it is going to take sometime so which you could recover from this...in the mean time bear in mind each and every thing you're dealing with and use it as a favorable element. remember this the subsequent time a dating would not artwork out and additionally you're waiting to bail...i think of you will locate it's going to make you a kinder and gentler guy or woman...

Answer 10

There are as many reasons as there are people, but basically 1- Low self esteem, 2- Menes egos are massive so even though your relationship is physically fulfilling he might not be getting the emotional satisfaction his ego requires. 3- He has feeling and cravings for other men and he masks them with a lot of sex with women. 4-- High testosterone and a massive need to procreate etc etc Or-- he's just a Jerk that doesn't appreciate you!!