I am a 45 year old woman in a huge delema. I have been divorced for almost 20 years and my children are grown. I just started dating again after a long hiatus and have met two men. The first one, (Joe) is 45 and I am in love with him. While we dated He always came to my place. I have never been to his house. I have asked him if he lives alone and he insists he does. About a month ago he suddently stopped calling. He would not take my calls and would not answer messages. I assumed he had left me. So I started dating another man, (Tom) who is 34. He is handsome, very sweet and a great lover, but seems to have some trust issues and a bit of jealousy although he has not been abusive. I find I sometimes have to justify why I missed a phone call or why I was not home at a certain time.
Now after a month absence, Joe has resurfaced and says he loves me and wants me back. He wants us to live together and is looking for a house for us. I am tired of being alone. Who should I choose?
2006-11-24 12:55:30 · 7 answers · asked by Bonnie D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like maybe this Joe wasn't single at the time when you were dating him but he never let on to you and thats why you never saw or been to his house he was always over at yours. and then one day he said wow this girl i like and could get serious and left his wife or whom ever he was with and thats why he dissapeared for a while while he figured out how to get rid of the other one. now he's free to be with you and wants to be more serious and move in.
this other guy you dating who is jelous and gets upset when you don't answer the phone and gives you the 3rd degree i would stay away from him he will only get worse in time.
and back to this first guy i dont' like the way he handled you and just dissappeard and now thinks its okay just to come right back in with no excuses as why he got up and left without any notice. i'd think hard about taking him back too.
2006-11-24 13:51:50 · answer #1 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, Tom is insecure, and Joe seems a little shady... With Tom the insecurities that he is expressing may fade if the relationship grows and trust is established. With Joe, I am not sure what to tell you. He may have been afraid of the seriousness of your relationship and taken some time to himself to think things over, or he may just be a shady individual. I'd have to know more details to advise u about him... The decision is soley up to you. If you are resorting to the internet and a random person giving advice, I don't think either guy is right for you. I think you favor Joe, and if that is the case, follow your heart, BUT find out the under lying issues of his disappearance.
2006-11-24 13:07:10 · answer #2 · answered by Valerie1987 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At age 45 this is the last place you should be looking for answers, from total strangers. Do you have any close gal friends that you could discuss this with, because their opinions would certainly mean more then any your going to get here. I'd tell you to follow your head and not your heart but you are old enough and wise enough to already know this adage. Be wise when deciding your fate or destiny and take your time making up your mind is all I would suggest. Best of luck to you.
2006-11-24 13:05:46 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit back and make a list.I know It's hard to do but I do it all the time.Joe was gone for a month with no calls.I would say he lives with his mom still.Know for this tom guy He already scared me the way you were talking because know body should be that jealousy.Know what if he found this Joe guy at your house?Know You have to think about that one.He might go off on a ramp.If you know what I mean.Good luck honey and have a nice Holiday.My I would go for Joe.That is me though.
2006-11-24 13:04:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
May I state the obvious? Being tired of being alone is not a good reason for shacking up with a man you obviously don't really know. You don't know either of these boys. One stops phoning for a few weeks and you assume he's lost interest in you, and you still don't seem to know what happened; the other has "trust issues," that is, he hardly knows you.
Don't tie yourself to either of them. Find a girlfriend and move in together: then you'll have her, and her friends as well, and you won't feel this urge for a boyfriend.
I am going to mention my old friend the chastity belt. Wear one on dates for the next three months and leave the key in the filing cabinet in your office.
2006-11-24 13:04:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay, i am 42 and at least you have something going on!! so, be grateful. I have always found that you follow your heart and it will never steer you wrong. Also, if you make a written list of both of them and do a 'pro' and 'con' list, that will help you to see it on paper. And it seems like you should be a little 'careful' as to Tom. I didn't go into detail but only YOU know in your heart of hearts. Give it some thought and it will all fall into place! Much luck to you on this one. And I have a feeling that you will choose the one you are 'in love' with! :)
2006-11-24 13:02:36 · answer #6 · answered by carolsand10 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are 45!!! old enough and wise enough to know your own mind
can you date both (being honest about it) and see what develops
why did joe suddenly disappear? I would be wary that he is now back and wanting eternal commintment!
2006-11-24 12:58:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋