Ex Dilemma?

Question

So I have been with my girl for 12 months almost, i left my ex for her.....she hates my ex...whenever my ex talks to me, IMs me or anything my gf flips out and threatens to end our relationship.

I have since started talking to my ex behind her back since we're still good friends somehow. I really want to remain friends with my ex but I love my gf.

What should I do? Should my gf respect my choice of friends and get over her grudge or am I in the wrong completely. I know its wrong to go behind someones back for something, but I had no choice if i wanted to keep this friendship.

My ex goes to college 2 hours away, so its kind of hard for me to get back with her (in response to one answer)

And my gf does still talk to her ex.

My gf and I have broken up before and its not working out very well at the moment.


OK enough wtih the details.

Answer 1

If you value your relationship with your girlfriend, stop communicating with your ex. Honestly, would you like it if she communicated with her ex? Would you feel threatened or insecure? Ask yourself those questions.


O.K., based on your additional details, I'd have to say that you've picked the wrong girl to be with. She talks with her ex, but gets upset when you talk to yours? That's a wrong pick.

Answer 2

Maintaining a relationship with your ex means that there is still hope that that two of you will get back together. It's possible your gf is worried that that will happen. Maybe you still care for your ex that's why you don't want to completely cut the ties. This is something only you can answer. But you should be respectful of your new gf feelings, at the very least not talk to your ex in front of her.But if you really love your gf then there is not reason to talk to you ex.

My son is going through the same thing right now, his ex gf left him,they were best friends had alot in common. His new gf feels the same way yours' does. I told my son he should stop talking to his ex b/c his gf gets very upset and it hurts her. So he told his ex he couldn't talk to her anymore b/c he loves his new gf and doesn't want to lose her.

So I guess that's something to think about is she worth losing??

Answer 3

I think you need to explain to your girlfriend that you're ONLY friends with your ex.
Your girlfriend is probably feeling a little insecure about who you really have feelings for is most likely afraid that you still love your ex and may leave her to go back.
She just needs reassurance.
And you're making a huge mistake by talking to your ex behind your girlfriend's back. If your girlfriend finds out, it will give her even more insecurities and insentive to believe you still have feelings for your ex and may leave.
So yes, she should respect your choice of friends,BUT, you also need to realise where she's coming from as well.
If your girlfriend started talking to HER ex all the time, wouldn't you be a little jealous and insecure, too? I think so. ;)

Answer 4

Sounds like the new gf should be the next ex. It's one thing to not condone certain things like hanging out and spending a lot of time together, or constant calling. How often is this ex IM'ing and calling you? If it's a lot, that's too much...a communication every couple of months or so to say what's up or "how are you?" is okay, and your gf should not be flipping out. If it's consistent, she has a reason to be upset, though I still think she's handling it the wrong way. You need to consider your gf's feelings...remember, there's a reason you're with her and not with your ex.

Answer 5

well i think that you should consider your gf feelings. obviously its hurting her knowing that you talked to her in the past, but if she finds out youre doing it behind her back... then i think that the relationship would be of no more use because the trust is gone.

being able to hold a friendship with an ex is a great thing. you 2 just founf that it was better off as friends than as a couple. your gf has to respect your feelings too. she has to respect the fact that you want to be friends with your ex and that she doesnt have the right to pick and choose your friends.

your gf has a lot of insecurity and if you want the relationship to continue, you should help her understand that she can trust you.

maybe she's afraid of you turning around dumping her for your ex. who knows. talk to her about what really bugs her about your ex.

goodluck.

Answer 6

Most of my best friends are my exes (I dated them because I thought they were cool people, after all.) As I started collecting these ex-boyfriend-friends, occasionally I'd run across someone who wanted to cut me off from them.

I kept the friends and ditched the jealous dudes, who generally have not made it onto my Christmas card list. I am now married, and my husband is not only tolerant of my exes, he's friendly with them.

Basically, just weigh the value of the friendship with the value of current relationship.

Answer 7

I don't know why girfriends are threataned, or feel like that, by EXs? My girfriend tell me that I'm stupid for allowing my fiancee to socialise with his EX?
Why forbiddening him? He'd do it anyway,and in secrecy and than he'd feel guilty.
They had something, it ENDED and that's it. Only insecure of their relationship would have problems with that.

Answer 8

Its great that you & your ex are still friends after you left her for your current g/f ... that being said ... your new g/f may be worried that you & your ex may re-kindle your old feelings ... I think that she needs some reassurance that this won't happen and tell her that you were friends before you met her and even though you dated your still friends but that's it just friends.

Answer 9

Well IMHO a very jealous GF is a future hellish wife !! She will put you in a jail all your life. Why dont you come back to your Ex who looks like somebody very nice and charming.

Answer 10

if u really love her ...you shouldnt have gone behind her back ... an ex should stay and ex... it could be so weird for u ex to be over for dinner with u and ur girl....(for example) i wouldnt deal with that either.. respect ur girl...whos worth it to loose ..an ex where it didnt work out...or the one who stays with u...