Me and my GF have been going through some rough times as of late....?

Question

I was just having a hard time with family and then lost my job. I just got really depressed and kinda pushed her away and she felt rejected.

About a month ago she told me that we should separate and see how things go. I tried to do everything I could to fix things. I got another job, I began planning dates for us and I was much more affectionate towards her. Things seemed to be going good, we were getting along better then I think we ever have, but she still said that she wanted us to separate.

So now I started to feel like she was just playing some sort of sick mind game with me so I got pissed off and picked a fight with her yesterday.

Today we were talking on the phone and I told her that I was ready to move out and that I just felt like things were over and it was best to move on. I could immediately tell that she got upset and then she made some sort of excuse to get off the phone and then she just hung up on me.

What does she want? Is she just messing with me?

My sister thinks its some sort of elaborate plan to get me to think Im losing her and then propose marriage. Do you think this is a possibility?

She has given me other hints about marriage. She talked about what type of wedding we should have and even showed me some rings that she liked, but all this was when I was going through those troubles so I just really didnt respond to it.

Answer 1

It sounds like you are playing games--picking fights on Thanksgiving, that is a game, isn't it?

Answer 2

I think she really does want that space. I have felt like this in different occasions. Not because I don't love my partner, but because we argue too much sometimes, and I just suddenly start thinking that we should give each other some time. Like I said, not because she doesn't love you, but because she wants to see how much she will need you and will miss you once she doesn't have you. The proposing thing, I doubt it's an option. If she really wanted that, she would give you different type of hints.

Answer 3

god know what she want.. tell her she is right, it time to go on your separate ways and move on. If she break down and changes her mind then you know she playing you for the marriage thing like your sister said. If you leaves then you are better off go find someone new that will stand by you when thing are good and bad.

Answer 4

I think your sister may be right and that you GF is pissed off with you because she wants a commitment. If you really love her propose to her. If you dont just dump her gently...

Answer 5

Hrm...your sister has an interesting perspective. Perhaps but not likely. If you have been having problems, any thoughts of engagement will probably be unsure for her (I am going through that now...). We are in a similar boat. My bf had a job he loved but the company screwed him over big time. He quit and has just been serving and it going back to school to do engineering. He has no money and lots of debt from school the first time around. He is really stressed out and irritable. I posted a question on here earlier and by reading your question/situation, you have really helped me. I know that my bf is having a hard time right now. I tried really hard the past few weeks to be nice even though he was being a jerk towards me. Now, I cant handle it. I basically feel like if he wants to talk to me or see me, he can call me or come over. and when/if he does, i better have a darn good appology and flowers would be nice (not likely though). but, you have made me realize that what you are going through is similar to what is happening with him. I think/know he is depressed and he says he doesnt care about anything. I asked him if he still wanted our relationship and he said "i dont care right now." that was a continous repsonse for everything i asked him. i know down deep he didnt mean it because i know him. but he has been trying to push me away and all i want to do it help him and make him happy. seeing him like that hurts me. he is still struggling with money and honestly, I am not materialistic and dont expect him to buy me things or always pay for dates but sometimes its nice. i think that things will get better once he gets back in school and has money to pay off debt. i just have to wait it out. i was debating it and even though i THOUGHT i saw/understood his perspective, i dont think i really did. he doesnt want to talk to me about it either. he knows that it will just make me worry and he doesnt want that. i know it. your question really answered my question. THANKS!

back to your question (sorry!):
I feel pushed away and rejected and hurt. I feel sad angry and annoyed. It is probably how she felt. I was thinking of separating too but now I dont think so. You did an AWESOME thing by getting a new job and planinng dates. PERFECT move! She may want to wait for you to prove yourself...that you are serious about this job and your relationship. Try talking to her and telling her what was going on and how you felt and that you know that she cares a lot about you and didnt want her to worry about her problems bc it would make you upset which would just make it even worse. she probably doesnt really want you to move out, especially since she hung up so quickly after you said it. she may want you to chase her or show her that you are serious about making things work between you. The separation may be so that you have time to worry about your life and job and get things under control so that the same problems will not happen. Suggest "dating" for awhile longer and see how it goes.

Tell her you messed up and really want to fix things and have tried hard lately to prove that to her. you took the first step and it seemed to have made a big difference and changed your relationship for the best. now the ball is in her court. when/if she wants you, she has to make the move...More than likely, if you say that, she will hesitate and say something like "no! i do want you." she may want you to chase her but wont like the pressure of her having to make the next move.

She may also think that the sudden dates and affection are just temporary. girls like that kind of stuff all of the time. dont get me wrong, it is fun to change it up otherwise it gets boring, but calling her up and asking her on a date is a nice surprise and something different. it makes a girl feel special becasuse YOU took the time to think about it and plan it rather than her or a joint decision, surprising her with a flower (store bought or handpicked), a compliment, or a DVD she had been wanting is also something out of the ordinary and just shows that you care.

Also, next time you are having a problem or something, talk to her about it, especially if she asks you about it. It shows that you care and it will help eliminate the fights and you may not push her away as much. Make sure that she knows that you understand what you did when you pushed her away and regret it because you need her and want her in your life and want/need her support. It is important to you.

(sorry this is so long..i had a lot to say) Thanks again for helping me, hopefully I did the same!

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You just added details so i was able to relate it to myself...
Is she the type of girl that would want to whole I am breaking up with you but I really want you to ask me to marry you ordeal? I think its dumb but some girls are into it, perhaps because it is a surprise then.

***My perspective is this bc its similar to how i feel right now:
I want to get engaged but I want my boyfriend to be financially secure and semi-stressfree. I want him to have a career or steady job and not have a ton of debt because I dont want to inherit it and mess up my credit. I need him to prove that he is responsible with money, serious about our relationship, and really does want to be with me before I would say yes to marrying him.I do the same thing that your girlfriend is doing...dropping hints, etc. which is one reason that i think i get so upset when he buys things he doesnt need or is late on bills b/c the longer it takes him to reach that point, the longer i have to wait to get engaged.
P.S. do not get engaged if you are not ready. dont do it bc you think its what she wants...