How do I get over this?

Question

Yesterday, on Thanksgiving I went to a luncheon for a newly singles group that I belong to. I am divorced and live away from my child. She lives with my ex-husband in another state.

I have been feeling very depressed lately due to various issues - my new job is not going well, my child is not doing well in school, I don't have many friends.

I stopped by some family friend's house after my luncheon and they said to stay for dinner. I had been invited along with my parents.

I did stay because I felt like crying and thought that I would ruin the dinner for everyone. So, I left.

I came home, cried and did not eat anything for dinner. I feel bad because everyone else enjoyed the dinner except me. Its just that I feel left out and alone because everyone is with their spouse except me.

Also, when people tried to hug me I could not hug them back. I feel unlovable and alone.

Answer 1

Hello:

I would suggest that you are feeling depressed because you are dealing with a lot of stress and you have very little support in your life right now.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to have to deal with a divorce, and living so far apart from your child, on top of that dealing with a new job.

It is understandable that these feelings intensified on Thanksgiving, which is a holiday typically spent with family.

I would suggest to you to start getting involved in the community. Volunteer at local organizations, join other local groups (besides the singles group) like a recreational sports team. These are easy ways to meet people and to develop friendships. Maybe there is even a local women's support group for divorced women?

Once you have some friendships, those people will be able to help you when you are feeling down. It also might help to see a therapist, to have someone to talk about these issues too. There was a point in my life when I was having a very difficult time dealing with stress, and I went to see a therapist every week for a few months. Just being able to talk about certain emotions I had made me feel so much happier and relieved, and I would suggest this to anyone who simply needs someone to talk to.

I hope this helps, and good luck. Things will get better.

Answer 2

You should move to be closer to your child. At the very least you should have made some stipulation in your custody agreement that neither parent could move the child away from the other parent.

The way you feel is just a reflection of what you think, not how the others feel towards you. Part of the problem is that you are missing your child. Even though you and your husband didn't make it work, you need to be there for your child. Do whatever it takes to get there and make a life near your child.

It sounds like there is more going on as you don't seem to have custody or holiday visitation with your child.

If you aren't seeing a therapist, you might think about getting in contact with one. Be sure to do plenty of research first as not all therapists are the same and some do more damage than good.

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. You just have to make the most of what you have. The most important thing is to be there for your child. By doing good for her, you will feel better about yourself.

I see a lot of people recommending anti-depressants. The problem with medication is that it doesn't help you deal with the underlying problems it just sugar coats them. The best medicine for depression is to get active. If you start feeling down, then get up and take a walk. Do something proactive.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I may not be divorced or have any kids, but I felt the exact same way about a year ago. I was diagnosed with depression. It is something you need to talk to someone about. Something that helped me was being around people and talking it through with my only true friend and my family. I tried to get out as much as possible. The more you stay inside by yourself the sadder you get. I would go shopping or take a walk. But the only way to truly get to the heart of this would be talking to a doctor. I hope you feel better and remember to look positively at everything even when you don't want to.

Answer 4

Your feelings aren't reality. You had family and friends who wanted to see you for lunch and dinner- so you weren't alone. People tried to hug you, so you're not unlovable. You weren't left out- they included you. Stop isolating yourself (alone). Stop rejecting people's love. (unlovable) People care, and you should know that with your singles group, not everyone has a partner. Dry your eyes, call your friends, and put on a happy face.

Answer 5

I used to have some of the same issues and time and loving yourself is the only answer. I stayed alone for 7 yrs without a mate and I learned to love myself enough to wait for what I wanted and in the mean time I learned to fill my time with books, exercise, movies, music and a few good friends.Good Luck

Answer 6

Dwelling on it will make you sadder. You miss the beauty. Once you realize your power as the master of your soul, you'll know that you always had the ability to control your own happiness. Don't wait for Jesus. Write a resume, talk to your kid, and realize how awesome you are. That's when you'll smile, and everyone wants to be friends with a smiler. You can make things beautiful again.

Answer 7

You can go see a therapist. But, of course, that cost a lot of money and that will probably get you more sad. I feel for you, I'm in a similar situation. Kind of. Well, the lonely part anyway. There's a way to fix everything, you just have to have patience and try your best to fix it. And remember, it can be worse.

Answer 8

I've felt this way in the past. It sounds to me like you might want to look at an antidepressant like Lexapro. Believe me, it can do wonders for you. Try and stay positive. Do things that you like to do and pamper yourself until you start feeling better. Good luck. I promise it will get better.

Answer 9

the good thing about being depressed is being there after youre not anymore. the feeling of overcomming struggles is for a lack of better words very satisfying. sometimes hard situations are tests. be positive and pass your test, become a better person and be strong. look back realize, you can overcome anything