HI I am looking for some advice for a friend (REALLY!!) My friend's daughter who is 19 is dating what looks to me to be a border line dangerous guy. he refuses to interact with her family is talking to her about quitting school and moving in with him. her daughteris a good kid but has started to hang around with a new crowd who are very negative on parents. What is worriesome is the control like getting her a new cell phone and trying to tap into $$ she will get from a rebate from the college if she does not attendand alot of other stuff
I know that I am in my 40's and don't really undertand what 19 year olds are going thru but i do know that "back inthe Olden " days this guy would be bad news and could lead to nothig but trouble. How does my frend keep her daughter safe without pushing her away.?? I know she is 19 and she can live her life as she pleases .I just don't want to see this girl hurt or Worse... Thank you
2006-11-24 10:43:15 · 6 answers · asked by Beth M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
All she can do is try to talk to her and give her support, voice her opinions but make it clear why she feels the way she does and to tell her daughter she trusts her to make good decisions but she needs to look at the whole picture and maybe she isn't with this guy. It is hard when your kids reach this age because they are adults just without any wisdom :) so to speak. I hope it works out!
2006-11-24 10:46:05 · answer #1 · answered by BlueSea 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard situation to watch. You do understand that it is her life, she is an adult and will do as she pleases. I guess she has been warned by numerous people and continues to see him. It's true, the more she is told what to do, even if it is reasonable and makes total sense, the greater the probability she will continue with this guy and have to learn (or not) the hard way.
While it is hard to see someone walk into an unpleasant and even dangerous situation, she has to live life on her terms and find out for herself what works and what doesn't. Many parent of adult children that are addicts have learned to "Let Go and Let God" to keep their sanity.
It is a loving thing to tell her your fears and observations once, and then to let it go and not to harp on her.We all must find our own way in our own time. Al-Anon or Nar_anon are very helpful programs that can teach you to "detach with love." This means that you can love the person right where they are and live your life without obsessing over her life choices.
Best wishes to you.
2006-11-24 11:11:56 · answer #2 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OUCH!! I feel for you..errr youre friend. :) jk That is very tricking. would recommend mom not say a word. Is there any older women that the girl will listen to. Remember moms are only there to ruin fun where aunts/uncles are there to help us though the ruff times but still let us have fun. You know let those kids have the real knowlege so that they can stay focused on ruining theyre own kids fun. Id have her talk to that aunt or aunt figure in her life, god i hope she has one. How about you. cant you take her out. Go out with the girl. Take her somewhere that if her mom found out would want to kill you for. Like a really good bar or to a chip'n'dales or something. Let her know that you are not there to hinder fun but just to help her make good long term decisions. Hope this helps at least a lil.
2006-11-24 10:51:18 · answer #3 · answered by notsoperfectgentleman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 19 so I will be able to help get her away from him fast because the first sign of a woman beater is that they try to isolate their mate from their family and friends he will start to control her every move and will start telling her what to wear and when to wear it and manipulative relationships always end bad because the mate always end being dead or in the hospital so try to make her see that being in a relationship with this man is who is trying to tell her that she should drop out of school is someone who doesn't have any ambition and want to make whoever they are with just as miserable as them so get her away from him and fast and you know what to do instead of trying to tell her the bad about her boyfriend you and her mom should make a plan to show her who her boyfriend really is she need to see it for herself
2006-11-24 10:59:54 · answer #4 · answered by Rivelle W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow!!! at 19 there is not a whole lot you can do but be there for her dont nag that will drive her closer to him! how about steering her "accidently" into the arms of someone smarter? cant they put a lock on the whole college $ thing !! good luck!
2006-11-24 10:51:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do her parents think about this situation? Like you said she is of age and apparently she is one who will learn the hard way!
2006-11-24 10:46:49 · answer #6 · answered by Gerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋